Soldiers of Another Name
by ObsidianWing
Summary: "We are the shadows that dwell in your nightmares. We are the wind that blows through the darkness. We fight for the rights of humanity and for the freedom from the monarchy. We are the soldiers who fight the true enemies of the land, and we hold our blades high to the heavens in salute to all those who have fallen before us." (Multi-ships ahead, rated M for violence and sexuality)
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: So another crossover idea that's sort of like my first SNK-DN crossover "Don't Forget Me", so it may have the same names and characters from my last crossover. (Why? Because I liked those names and it's my fic. *Raises hands* Come at be bro!)**_

 ** _So it's not the same fic... but it's the same fic..._**

 ** _..._**

 ** _...you'll understand when you read it. Point is, it's a new fic inspired by an old fic and current events in the series._**

 ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Mello P.O.V)**

Shiganshina… the southernmost region in the entire Kingdom…

…

…and my own personal hell.

It was a small and crowded district. The land here less than desirable but cheaper to pay off. And when people had no money, this was the place they could live. It was better to live in the north, where the air was cool and titans couldn't be much of a bother, but the fact remains that money was always an issue. No one had it but those who were born into it… or clawed their way to get to it. It didn't surprise me one bit to see people less than charitable when it came to money. Not when there was practically none of it to share. Soldiers were paid handsomely, of course, and merchants made a killing on raising prices on food when there were shortages going around. And when there were shortages, people were bound to go hungry.

And when people went hungry… the shortage became less of an issue.

…

…it was horrifying.

Thank god we weren't that desperate.

My father had made his mark in the army. He fought alongside the soldiers outside the walls and killed titans upon titans to earn his rank. Fifty kills and seven assists. With this, he was asked to be leading commander of the Survey Corps after a certain period, but declined in order to be with his family. I was grateful for this, and I was happy to have him around more to help with my mother and brother, but I couldn't help but think he missed the days of his adventures; slaying titans and being a hero to younger children. I felt bad about being part of the reason he had retired early. However, I knew my brother couldn't grow up without his father being there to look after him. I'd been through that pain as a child, and I didn't have that much of a connection with our father because of it. He tried to establish a relationship with me, but I just didn't feel inclined to be part of his life. I was too angry, too upset to forgive him for all the birthdays he missed, for all the letters of empty promises to be home soon. I lost my faith in him.

And in the scouting legion.

I dropped my pen when I realized I'd stopped writing my story and drifted into my own mind. I did that a lot now, I'd noticed. My mother told me it had something to do with my head having one too many thoughts to focus on one thing alone. I guess she was sort of right. I was a bit of a scatterbrain when things were hectic around the house. But nowadays, when my brother was out with his friends or my parents were quietly working on their own things, I still felt myself slip into the back of my mind and become almost like a corpse. Still and cold… unfeeling. Armin had caught me in one of those moments once and had to tap me to make sure I was still breathing. I remember a time when he believed I'd had a heart attack once and went running to our parents. They told him, when I was out of my trance and normal once again, that I was just overthinking a few things and went into my own head more or less. He understood almost instantly and now just left me to my thoughts. He was smart like that, and I appreciated his understanding.

I'd never wanted a younger brother, and the fact that I'd gotten one hurt me as a child. Like my father and mother hadn't even wanted me, or that they thought I wasn't enough. I always knew Armin was the reason my father retired early, but not in the way I'd first believed. The truth was, he didn't want Armin to grow up hating him like I had. And Armin didn't hate him. He loved and respected the man in a way I never could.

To my brother, he was a dad.

To me…

…

…he was a man.

Not a dad…

…barely even a father…

…

…just a man.

That isn't to say I didn't respect him. With everything he'd done for humanity and the Kingdom, how could I _not_ respect him? He was a good man, with great intentions, and he did his best to support his family even when he was nowhere to be seen. My mother always trusted him to come home. To love and laugh with her like they did when they were young. And he did come home, and he did laugh with her, and loved her for all she was worth. They were perfect together.

I closed my journal and stretched out my numb limbs. I'd been sitting for so long now that I could barely feel my arms and legs anymore. I had to get out and go for a walk… maybe get some inspiration flowing.

I stood from my chair and grabbed my pack from beside my bed. I shared the room with my brother, but since it was a fairly large room it wasn't that big of an issue. I loved Armin with all my heart now anyways and I no longer hated the idea of having a younger brother. The little blonde was smart too so I had no problems with talking to him whenever he wanted to spend time with me. I just wished he didn't spend so much time with that Eren kid from across the street.

What could I say about Eren that hadn't already been said? He was overemotional, strong-willed, and not easy to get along with. Not to mention he was mostly anger driven to a point where he hurt the people around him. Armin was one of his victims, but not like Mikasa or others he was around. Mikasa was verbally abused by the brunette on a constant basis due to her overprotectiveness of the boy, and Armin was only mildly abused since he was the only one who stood by him when things got rough. Armin was very forgiving, so I could see why he stuck around… but that didn't mean I had to like it.

I packed my bag with my leather journal and headed downstairs. The house we lived in was old, but sturdy. It was made for a family like ours in a sense that we couldn't destroy it if things turned ugly. Not that that happened often, but… I was known to have a temper.

I blamed the Garrison for most of it though. The pigs we paid to protect us were nothing more than drunken slobs getting fattened up with bread, butter, and beer. If they knew how to kill a titan I'd pay them in everything I owned just to see them take one down without falling over drunk. It was pathetic, really, and I constantly got in trouble for berating them in public and calling them out on their bullshit about being drunk in order to 'keep the peace'. Honestly, there were better ways to keep the peace than to pass out in the streets, plastered from days of nonstop drinking. They wear their uniforms with pride but don't do a thing to show they were real soldiers in the King's army…

…

…well… most of them didn't.

Matt, however, was a different story altogether.

The stairs led me directly into the dining room that connected into the kitchen where I could see my mother washing dishes in preparation for dinner. At the table I found my father, as relaxed and carefree as ever, speaking with her about some story he'd heard from a neighbor of ours, Armin on his left reading a book our grandfather had given him. The old man himself quietly napping in his own chair across from my father.

I always felt a bit sorry for my father, for although both of his boys had his strikingly bright blonde hair, the both of us were almost exactly like our mother. Small and beautiful, thin and graceful. Armin was a bit shorter than expected, and I was taller than what was first believed, but we both carried the same elegance and hard-headedness as our mother. I guess this is what got me to Matt in the first place, but some part of me always secretly wished I was large and bulked up like our father. I suppose that bulk came from years in the army, serving to find out more about humanity and what we came from, but I knew I'd never join up in the military. I hated the soldiers too much to even begin to entertain the idea of being on their level.

And my family knew this.

Armin noticed me almost right away and smiled brightly.

"Got any chapters done on your story!?" He asked favourably. He always enjoyed me reading out my chapters to him before bed.

I ruffled his hair slightly and shook my head, grinning slightly at his overzealousness. "Not really. I zoned out while writing and I lost track of my thoughts. I'm gonna head out and hopefully get the thoughts back. Maybe get some inspiration flowing."

"Can I come?" He asked – practically begged – using those puppy eyes he didn't know he had.

I shook my head once more. "Not today. I'm going to be meeting up with Matt as well and you'd just get bored with us talking."

I heard my grandfather chuckle at this as he looked up. I suppose he hadn't been as deep in slumber as I believed.

"You and that soldier spend almost every day together. He should just pop the question on you already and stop playing games. You need to get out and get yourselves a home of your own."

I scoffed slightly at this, but still managed my grin. My grandfather – as well as the rest of my family – were well aware of my little affair with Matt. We'd been inseparable for years now, even when he'd gone off into the cadets we'd written to each other day in and day out. It wasn't until he came back, as part of the Garrison, did things turn into something a little more heated. I'd reluctantly told my parents about it when they caught us together in my room, half naked and lip-locked, and they let it pass. Neither of them cared who I was with, just that I was happy. It was sad to think that I was only _truly_ happy when I was around Matt, but I suppose it was because he understood me more than they did.

Matt was my angel… my soul… he was everything to me and so much more. When I'd felt abandoned when I was young, when I felt like no one cared, he'd come to me and brought me back to my feet and guided me to a path of happiness once again. He'd loved and cherished me like I was worth more than gold. He always told me how much he cared for me, how much he loved me and how he would continue to love me without question. And he did. Like a loyal puppy would their master, he followed me through thick and thin, and carried me when things were too tough for me to walk through by myself. I loved him with all my heart, and it killed me to see him join in on the Garrison regiment. I told him I'd never forgive him if he became like those fat pigs that hit on me and touched me with those greasy hands of theirs. And for the five years he'd been part of the Garrison, he'd stayed true to his word about remaining pure and simple like he'd always been beforehand.

And to this day, Matt is the only soldier in the Garrison I'd ever loved and respected.

My father looked up at me, his eyes somewhat begging for even a hint of love from me. "You and Matt should think about starting up a home of your own. As a soldier he has a high pay and many opportunities in his grasp. The two of you could head up north and live in peace."

"That would mean abandoning you, mother, Armin, and granddad." I countered. "And I don't think Armin would be too forgiving if I left him here without any of my stories to read."

"I wouldn't," the boy slightly joked, "but if you're safe and happy…"

"Not to mention," I added, "that marriage between two men is illegal." I grumbled. "For now at least."

My father hummed at this before resting his chin on his hands, his elbows on the table. His eyes were closed, but his brows were furrowed, meaning he was relatively annoyed at this news.

"It's odd, isn't it," he began, "that the cadet instructors don't care if you go for a rut with other males, but marriage and love is out of the question. It makes me ill."

"You can't blame them, son." My grandfather spoke up. "Some of those cadets will die at the hands of titans, so they're encouraged not to die as virgins. It may be sickening, yes, but if you were put into their shoes…"

"Nonsense," the blonde man interrupted, sitting back in his chair, "rutting with someone and being in love are two completely different things. I'd sooner die as a virgin than die knowing I'd given up something so personal. Then again, in today's youth, it shouldn't surprise me to see them running about and rolling in the hay with different partners each night. I sure hope Armin's generation will be better than that."

Armin grinned up at the man, rather embarrassed about the topic. "You don't have to worry about me being a whore. I doubt I'll find anyone worth my time as it is. Eren's the only friend I have so far, and he's thinking about joining up in the survey corps so… I'm not sure the friendship will last as long as I'd like it to."

I glowered at this, looking into Armin's eyes for more to this story. "And what about you? Will you be joining up in the Cadets when you're old enough?"

The blonde boy went rigid at this. "N-No! Not at all! They wouldn't want me anyways! I'm too small, too fragile! They'd send me home on my first day, I just know it!"

I huffed at this and turned away from him. "Good… now I really must be off. Matt is waiting for me."

I didn't give them a chance to say goodbye before I left the house and didn't look back. I was getting angry at the thought of my brother being in the military and I didn't want to take it out on them. Not when they did nothing to provoke my feelings of rage.

I really couldn't stand the soldiers nowadays. The Survey Corps were alright in my books, but not if my brother wanted to be part of them, and of course Matt was a pass without question. The rest of the soldiers could be eaten by titans for all I cared. They did nothing for the good of humanity anyways, being but fat and slovenly, making life a living hell for the rest of us that worked for a living. I was sick of it, and I didn't understand why anyone wanted to be part of something so useless. Eren had his reasons, of course, but there were other ways to get outside the walls… were you looking to get out that is.

I wanted out, and I knew a way out, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to leave. Not with Matt and everyone I loved being here. Besides, with titans right on the other side just waiting for one morsel of human to eat, it was useless to escape to the outside world. My parents had planned to venture out beyond the walls, and their plan was being fleshed out as I walked these streets. But the thing that stopped them more than anything was the fact that the King had banned everything to do with the outside world, and those who sought for answers paid quite dearly for them. Usually with their own lives.

But if my parents were as determined as I thought they were, I knew we'd be outside sooner than believed.

I just had to trust them.

I met up with Matt by the docks and he greeted me with a loving hug and a kiss. The one thing I loved about him more than anything was the fact that he always greeted me as if we hadn't seen each other in months. Even if it was only a few moments, he treated it as if it'd been forever and a day since he kissed me last.

"And how is my Mello today?" He asked in his soft voice.

I revelled in the way he said my nickname. The name Matt had given me after my first angry rant at a soldier for not taking care of his duties like he'd should have. He'd called it his 'ironic nickname' considering it was the exact opposite of what I was truly like. I accepted it when we were kids, and it'd stuck with me for the rest of my life. Even my parents called me Mello once or twice when they felt like being a friend more than a parent. But when I was in trouble or needed to be spoken to, I was Mihael Keehl. Not Arlert, like my father or brother. Keehl, like my grandfather and mother before she was married. I'd been my choice to be a Keehl since I wasn't attached to my father, and no one dared to correct me. Sadly, I think they understood why I was so adamant on not being my father's son. And that made everything more strained between me and the man.

Still to this day we weren't close…

…

…but he still tried.

I hummed. "I'm better than yesterday. I got a few chapters done in my book so I'm ahead of the game. But I'm still looking to publish it professionally, which we both know is going to take time and money."

"I'd be happy to pay it for you!" He proposed happily. "My offer is still open!"

I shook my head. "I can't ask you to do that, Matt. You need the money to move up north, remember."

"And I've told you before, I'm saved up and already got a house ready for me… for us. I'm just waiting for you to accept my proposal and come live with me."

"Matt," I spoke sternly, "not only would have to find a minister or soldier willing to marry us in order to make this legal…"

"You're forgetting that I _am_ a soldier, and can marry us on my own." He interrupted. "Or have you forgotten that I've thought this through to the last detail?"

I sighed, crossing my arms. "…but also that I can't abandon my family like that. I'd love to live up North with you and be your family, but I have a duty to my family and what they mean to me. My brother needs me more than you do, what with all the bullies he has to deal with and the extremists trying to make his dreams seem like nothing more than a fairy tale. Not only that, but my parents and grandfather need someone to help support them thanks to food prices rising because of the shortage. I'm sorry, but I can't leave with you."

He shrugged at this, still smiling. "Then I guess I'm staying here with you, because I'm not leaving you for something as trivial as a nicer home up in the North."

"Matt…" I tried to fight him.

He ended up just pressing his lips to mine before pulling away with a smile.

"I'm not leaving you, Mello. We're in this together. And I admire that you'd want to stay close to your family. It makes me happy to see that you care so deeply for them. Lord knows I didn't have a childhood with people like that. What with my mother whoring herself out, and my father being a drunken sot of a soldier who happened to be at the local whore-house at the time a week before I was conceived. Bastard never showed up again once my mother said she was pregnant with me, and she always blamed me for not being able to land a husband. I'm glad I ran off from the Utopia district. I got to meet you and your family, to leave for Cadets and become a better man than anyone thought I'd be. And most of all, I got to fall in love."

I rolled my eyes at this but the blush still appeared on my face. Even after years of hearing this man compliment me and flirt with me, he still managed to make me smile and blush as if we had just begun dating again. I remember when I met him when we were little and the first thing he said to me was how beautiful my eyes were. I thought he'd been the sweetest boy on the face of the earth for noticing my eyes first before my face, and to freely compliment them as if we'd known each other for years. I fell in love with how open he was, with how sweet and innocent he'd been, and it'd killed me to think that the Cadets might've ruined him while he was away for those long years. But instead, he was the same as ever, and he still loved me without question.

I hugged the man close to me, my face buried in his chest. I felt bad for rejecting his proposal over and over again, but I just couldn't leave my family so abruptly like that. I'd have loved to run off and marry this man, to have a home with him and live out the rest of my days not having to worry about anything going wrong. But if I did that, I'd forever regret not having taken my family with me. I loved them, and I wanted them to be safe.

So I stayed…

…

…even if it made me unhappy.

Matt kissed my head and hugged me tighter. "I'll never stop asking you to come with me, and I'll never stop loving you for all you're worth. Until the day I die, I'm yours to do with as you wish. My heart belongs to you, and I will never leave your side."

I snickered at this before glancing up at him. "I thought soldiers were supposed to give their hearts to the fate of humanity."

He pulled back a bit to rest his forehead onto mine. "And aren't you part of humanity?"

I gave him a peck on the lips for this and I felt my heart flutter like it had every other kiss before this one. Matt was my angel, sent from above to give me all the happiness I needed in life. I loved him, and he loved me. And because of other people's hatred we weren't allowed to formally be together as nothing more than friends. In secret we were lovers… but to the world we were just friends.

But the fact that this didn't hinder the man's love for me, made me all the more happier. There was nothing he wouldn't do to show his love, and nothing I wouldn't do to prove my loyalty to him.

As much as my mother, father, brother, and grandfather, he was my family…

…

…

…and I'd sooner die than have him getting hurt.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:**_ ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Armin P.O.V)**

I loved my brother with all my heart, really I did, but I just didn't understand why he was so distant with our father. I knew he had a tough time with him having to grow up and see our father march off into battle almost constantly, but now that he was around he should love having him around. But they didn't talk, didn't spend time together, and more than once I found our father crying over not having the relationship he'd wanted with the taller blonde. I felt bad for not doing anything, but what was there to do? Mihael just wouldn't do anything to strengthen the bond between the two, and now it'd just become awkward for them to be around each other.

Like now, for example.

Mihael ate his food in silence, not even looking up from his plate. I could tell he was deep in thought over something and that he'd crossed the boundary between attentive and completely dead to the world. He was always like this in the mornings following into noon, and sometimes I took it to my advantage to take food from his plate, but now was not one of those times. Not when our father was keen on getting him to talk about what he was going to do for the day.

The taller, much bulkier man cleared his throat and looked over to Mihael. "So what's on the agenda today, son?"

The distant blonde only half heard him, from what I could see, and shrugged. "Go to work at the docks again? Earn some cash for the family?"

The older man nodded. "Very responsible of you… err… I'm- I'm happy to see you contributing!"

Mihael didn't answer this time. He just continued to pick away at his food. The awkwardness in the air rose another degree and I felt my heart sink for my father.

Our father, Memphis, was a loving and caring man who always thought about his family first and foremost. He and our mother were two of the most loving and caring people to grace this world, and I knew he wanted to prove this more than anything to Mihael. But Mihael himself was cold to them, like they weren't worthy of his thoughts and feelings. _I,_ apparently, was quite worthy to see him at his most vulnerable of times. Those times were usually when we were by ourselves or out of the house with Matt. I wanted to be happy about that, but knowing my father wanted to be a better father to him than he had been when Mihael was growing up made me feel terrible that I was put in higher regard than the man.

The younger man finished his meal and grabbed his pack. "I'm off. I'll see you all later today. I'll pick up some fish on the way home."

With that, he was gone.

I heard my father sigh and look up to my mother. "I think I could actually _feel_ the awkward there."

"Leave him, darling." My mother's sweet and lovely voice spoke up. "Mihael is going through a few things and he needs some space."

My grandfather huffed. "Selena, we both know that's not the only reason he's silent around Memphis."

The blonde woman smacked her father lightly. "Dad, please stop-"

"No, Selena, he's right." The man interrupted. "I wasn't enough of a father to him growing up and I'm paying the price for it now. It's not as if he hates the entire family, he just… doesn't trust us. Not like he should."

"But not only that," she defended, "but you know it must be difficult having to deal with those bastards out there who believe same-sex marriage is wrong. I know he wants to be with Matt, but he won't take the risk. Not as long as there's still people out there who think it's wrong for them to be in love. Plus we have taxes to pay, and food to store away for winter, the crops and seeding, it all must be overwhelming him. He's just got a lot on his mind."

My grandfather huffed again as he stood from his chair, taking off his hat to place on my head. "That boy is a lot stronger than you two give him credit for. He can take care of this family all his own, and run off to marry the man he loves as well without a care in the world. I doubt he even really hates you, Memphis. He just doesn't trust you like a son should their father. No, the boy just needs to get out and have an adventure. To learn, laugh, and love like any normal boy should. He's been cooped up in this cage of made of walls for too long. He needs to live his life the way he wants it to be. I promise you this, the moment he finds an adventure... the greater a man he will become."

I grinned at this and stood up on my seat. "You think he'd be happier?!"

The old man smiled down at me, patting my head. "He'd be much happier. And maybe he'd even start talking more."

"But it's suicide to go looking into an adventure like that." My father spoke up worriedly. "Mihael already gets into trouble with the law thanks to his contempt behaviour towards the soldiers. If they caught wind that he was trying to leave the walls, he'd be caught and sent into the fields to work as a slave. It's too dangerous…"

"But that's why it's good for him." The elder man replied. "No adventure is worth more than the ones that have danger in them. And I can see it in Mihael's eyes that he needs that danger, more than you believe. Next time you speak to your son, you look in those eyes and you tell me what you see. I promise it'll be the eyes of a man yearning to see and experience a world unlike any other! And I know he'll see it for himself someday. Just you watch!"

I smiled happily at my grandfather's little speech and felt a pang of zealousness fill me up. It was true that my family were planning on leaving the walls for their own expedition, but it wasn't decided yet on what day that would be. Maybe it'd be sooner now that granddad was pushing for it! I doubted it very much, but at least it was on the table still.

I looked up at the sun and noticed the time that had passed.

I gave my grandfather his hat back and ran to grab my sweater from the stairwell. "I have to go meet Eren and Mikasa by the waterfront soon. Should I bring back firewood?"

"No, not today." My mother replied, happy to see me off to enjoy myself. "But please stay out of the alleyways. I don't want you getting jumped like last time."

I nodded at this, promising her that I'd stay out in the open before waving goodbye to everyone and heading out.

I hopped down the steps before casually walking up the street where other houses were situated. Eren would probably go home after he finished gathering firewood for the day and have lunch before meeting with him at the waterfront. We usually met up more than five times in the week since we were the best of friends, but sometimes I just liked to spend time alone with my books or with my brother out in the merchant's part of town. It'd become more of a treat nowadays than it used to be for some reason, but I always enjoyed the time I had with my brother.

Especially since he never much talked to anyone anymore.

…

…it made me a bit sad, actually.

Mihael and I were close, and I loved the relationship we had. I could tell him anything and he could always trust me with any secret. I'd been the first he told about Matt, and I was all for them being together right from the start. I'd met Matt before anyone else and had got to know him on a personal level. I could see why my brother loved him so much since he was always cracking jokes and doing his best to make Mihael happy. He'd told me about how Matt proposed and how each day he was getting closer and closer to saying yes and just running away from everything that was here. I told him if he was unhappy then he should do what his heart says and leave. But, of course, duty came first.

And his duty was to his family.

Still… I wanted Mihael to be happy…

…

…even if it meant leaving us.

I rounded the corner and found a familiar sight right in front of me. Matt and Mihael telling off another pervert soldier who thought my brother was some whore for his own pleasure. Mihael got this a lot in his days, but none more than now while he was with Matt.

I stayed off to the side and watched from afar.

"Just suck me off, blondie!" The perverted soldier slurred out, obviously drunk. "C'mon! I don't bite… much."

Matt pushed him away. "Just fuck off, Cory! Mello's not some toy to mess around with, and I'm not in the mood to deal with your drunken stupor at the moment! So be off with you or I'll have to report this to Commander Pixis!"

The drunken soldier scoffed. "Pixis doesn't have time for little bitches like you, Matt! And come on, it's not like you're having any fun with him! I don't see you sneaking out late at night with him! Makes me think I should be doing him the favour… he looks as though he's starving to be fucked."

Matt immediately grabbed onto the soldier's collar and threw him into a wall. "If you don't shut your goddamn mouth right now-!"

"That's enough!" Came another, familiar voice.

A soldier zipped down from the rooftops and separated the two. I recognized him as Light Yagami, a friend of my father's who asked him for advice in training many years ago.

The taller of the two kept them both at bay, smiling at the perverted soldier's childish behaviour. "Cory, you're drunk again. If you don't want to be thrown to the titans, I suggest sobering up before our commanding officer catches you. He's making his rounds right now since the Survey Corps have come back from their latest mission outside the walls."

The shorter of them only scoffed as he swigged what was in his flask before glaring at my brother. "Whatever, he ain't that cute. I've fucked better."

"Pigs don't count, pig." Mello replied, looking off towards the docks.

"What'cha say, you little freak!?" The drunk demanded, getting up in Mihael's face.

Light dragged him off and threw him into the street. "Get out of here, Cory!"

The drunk spat something unintelligible to the other men before staggering off somewhere else. Leaving the rest of the party to their own doings.

I finally came out of hiding and ran up to Mihael, asking if he was alright.

The young man shrugged. "I've dealt with worse. It's easier when they're drunk because they usually can only stand up for a shorter time than if they were sober. No need to worry."

"Yeah, well I'm getting worried." Matt announced. "The other soldiers in the Garrison are starting to get braver now that they think we've been together as merely friends with benefits. Please, Mello, can you just think about leaving with me up north!? Marriage can wait, but I'm scared for your safety right now!"

"Matt, I've told you before it's nothing I can't handle. If I was worried I'd already be gone by now, but I'm still here. Light, please tell him that I'm okay!"

"I can't do that, Mello. Even I agree that you two should move up north. The Garrison is fewer than it is down here and the real estate is nice up there. Expensive, but nice. You'd be much safer up there, and you wouldn't have to worry about much. I say go with Matt."

I nodded at this and grabbed my brother's hand. "Please, Mihael, go with him! Mom and dad will understand!"

"Armin…" he tried to argue.

I shook my head. "You shouldn't stay here where you're unhappy! You should be with the person you love and live somewhere where you don't have to worry about perverts and pigs like that soldier! I want you to be happy and safe, and I know you want to be with Matt! So just say yes and leave! Leave and be happy for once in your life! Just… promise you'll write to me while you're gone. It's all I need from you."

He was silent for quite a while, staring between me and the others with a hint of fear and anger dancing in his eyes. His breath had become silent and shallow, his eyes flickering here and there to find the right answer to this problem.

In the end… there was only one answer he could make.

He gave a short sigh before looking up at Matt.

"…how long before we can leave?"

The red head kissed the blonde happily, his lips not fading from it's smile. "Tonight, if you really want to go. So I suggest talking to your mother and father right after work. I've got my forms signed and ready for submission into the northern districts. We'll make a hell of a lot more money up there than we would down here, I promise you that."

Mello cracked a rare smile at the man before sliding into a hug with him. "Then I'm all yours. I doubt we'll still be able to be married up there than we are down here…"

"Like I said, I could still marry us if no one else is willing. That, or Light could make the trip in to get us legally married."

"You're on your own, Matt." Light said as he backed away. "I can't make a trip that long and not be asked questions. But I'm sure there's one or two people up there who can perform the service."

"So it's settled. We leave tonight!" Matt exclaimed happily, picking up his blonde 'bride' and swinging him around. "Once the day is done, I'll come pick you up. I'll be the handsome knight on the white horse."

Mihael rolled his eyes, still smiling at his companion. "I need to get to work now and help feed my family one last time. I hope that's alright with you."

The red head kissed the blonde's hand happily. "Until tonight, my love."

Another eye roll but Mihael still kissed his cheek before leaving. After this, I hugged the man happily and wished them all the luck in the world before running off to go find Eren and Mikasa to tell them the good news. Yes, I was sad to see my brother go. But maybe this would be the adventure my grandfather had spoken about him needing! If not, then it was pretty darn close! The two would run off and wed under the cover of darkness and be happy together like we wanted them to be!

It was perfect.

I rounded a corner and ran straight into an alleyway where I knew I could get to the waterfront sooner. Completely forgetting the promise I'd made to my mother before leaving.

And immediately regretting my decision to do so.

I hadn't known where they came from, or how I hadn't noticed them, but they'd managed to take me down and shove me to the ground in a matter of seconds. I knew them well enough since they'd been the same bullies to harass me just last week. Only that time, I'd had Eren with me and only one bully to pay attention to. The rest of them were trying to wrestle Eren to the ground while the one just spat on me and tried to make me hit him back.

But I never fought back…

…I'd never stoop to their level.

"Well, if it isn't the faggot's brother!" The one on top of me spoke up. "I saw that blonde man-whore yesterday sucking off that red head in the alley next to my house! Slut needs to quit being so open in public!"

That was a blatant lie and I knew it! Mihael would never do something as vulgar as that, and especially in such a public place! Mihael was classier than that, was smarter than that… I knew he was.

The bully forced me to my feet when I said nothing. "What's the matter? Not gonna defend him?!"

I scoffed. "I don't need to defend him. He does a good portion of it himself. Not only that but Matt makes sure slurs like that are dealt with swiftly when he's around. Your lies are nothing more than hearsay. Rumours made up by the less intelligent to make them sound interesting in the eyes of another."

The boy scoffed before pinning me to the wall. "You're one to talk about hearsay! All you ever do is talk about taboo things like what's outside the walls! There's nothing out there and you know it!"

"You're wrong, and you know you're wrong. That's why you hate it when I bring it up. Because I know more than you… because I'm smarter than you…"

He punched me in the face then to stop me from speaking. "Shut it! You're nothing more than a heretic, through and through!"

When I didn't fight back at this, when I didn't throw a punch back, they demanded to know why I just took it and didn't fight. To this, I could only tell them that it would mean I'd be stooping as low as they are. That I'd be nothing more than the bullies that they were being.

And they didn't like this.

One of them raised their fist to me and I flinched before hearing a familiar voice call my name.

The bullies let me go and I slumped to the ground, watching as they prepared to take on Eren this time. All of them had been confident that they could take down the brunette ball of rage… before they caught sight of something else in the distance.

"IT'S MIKASA! RUN FOR IT!" One of them yelled before they made an escape towards the next alleyway before Eren could catch up to them.

The brunette laugh when he stopped in front of me. "Ha! Did ya see that! So scared that they ran at the sight of me!"

It hurt to smile at his enthusiasm, but I grinned anyway. "Actually, it was Mikasa they saw."

I tried to stand up, but felt my leg give weigh and I fell back down. When Eren offered his hand I didn't take it. The last thing I needed was to be treated differently any more than I was with my friends. I knew Eren cared about me, but I didn't want to be a burden.

I couldn't be a burden.

I lifted myself off the ground and forced out a smile. "I'm alright, really. And guess what! I got some big news about Mihael!"

The whole way to the waterfront Eren and I were talking about Mihael's engagement. Each of us planning a way to help him along with anything he needed. Eren loved Mello as much as I did, and even considered him a brother. Even Mikasa was slightly loving toward the blonde man. And why shouldn't they be? Mello was amazing…

…he was my brother.

And even if we would be far away from each other, him out in the north and me here in Shiganshina, we'd still be the best of friends. Together and bound by the strings of our hearts.

Distance could not end our relationship so easily.

I doubted that anything could.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N:**_ ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Mello P.O.V)**

I finished up my work at the docks and collected my pay from the employer. Once I'd done this, Matt met me by the street to walk me home so we could speak to my parents together. I already knew that they'd be alright with my leaving, but I couldn't help but wish that they'd fight for me to stay. I knew I needed to leave home and start my own life, and I'd been wanting to for some time now. The only thing was… I didn't want to abandon my family, despite not being as close to them as I'd wanted to be growing up. I loved them, of course, but I just wasn't emotionally attached to them.

Well… I suppose Armin was a different story altogether. Armin would forever be one of my best friends.

That's how brothers should be with each other.

I fiddled with my shirt slightly as I bit my lip. "Matt… maybe we should do this tomorrow. Give my family some time to say goodbyes."

"Mello, would you stop worrying so much." He said calmly as he put his arm around me. "I know you're going to miss them, and they're going to miss you as well, but you need to find a life of your own. You need to get out there and have an adventure. Be free and alive instead of cooped up around here where you'd only get harassed over and over again. I know it's going to be a big change, but the sooner we leave the sooner we can get our lives started together as a family. And who knows, maybe the north will have more opportunity for you than what's down here! You don't expect me to believe you want to shuck fish into barrels for the rest of your life, do you?"

I grinned half-heartedly at this. "But it's closer to my family. And even if I did write to them every so often, it wouldn't be the same as seeing their smiling faces every day. I know me and my parents don't exactly see eye to eye, but I do love them. I just… I don't know how to express it. And I'm unsure that I ever _will_ know how to express it. Loving you is easy because you accept me without question, and I don't have to worry about you all day. With them… I just feel as though I'm needed more than I'm wanted."

The man hummed at this before hugging me closer to him. "I'm sure that's not right."

I sighed heavily. "It is. I mean… my father was always away while my mother took care of me. She had my grandparents help most of the time, but after gran died it felt as though our granddad needed taking care of as well. I remember waking up at night to find my mother crying to him and wondering how she was going to make it through the days when my father wasn't around. I felt like a burden, unwanted and useless. I tried my hardest not to be so, even going as far as cutting my food rations in half to save money and time. Then after Armin was born, and my father retired to stay closer to us… I had already lost the will to care. I even thought that you'd leave me at some point because of how bland I'd become."

Matt shook his head. "Never. And you aren't bland, Mello. You're just bored. Day in and day out it's always been the same to you. Once we get up north, and we've settled into our home, we can start living the lives that were meant for us."

"And what life is that, Matt?" I asked him point blank, stopping in my tracks. "I'd still be living in a home doing nothing but writing and hoping to the heavens that I'd get noticed. I want _more_ than that, Matt! I want… something! I can't explain it, nor can I see it, but I know I want it!"

The man looked me in the eye, grinning slightly. "I know, Mello. But the only way you're going to find what you want is if you leave this place and go find it yourself. I'll be there to help you as much as I can, but you have to take the first steps." He then took my hands in his lovingly. "It's tasking, grueling, and it takes a lot of work. But I know you'll rise above it all and become a force to reckon with in the years to come. I see it in your eyes, you're a warrior and you fight for the better of all that's around you. You're so much more superior to the soldiers we have here because your heart is in a better place than theirs. And I've never been more privileged to have the hand of someone like you."

He kissed my left hand tenderly before looking back into my eyes. "I know you're stronger than this. Now show the world that strength."

I felt my smile widen and a tear fall from my eye before hugging the man in front of me, thanking all the gods and goddesses in the world to have brought me my angel. Matt truly was too good for me, and I was so thankful that he stuck by my side like this.

"I love you, Matt." I mumbled into his chest.

I could feel his smile widen before he kissed my head. "I love you too, Mello. Now come on! We gotta tell your parents we'll be leaving tonight and get packed!"

I giggled at his enthusiasm before beginning to drag him along the path towards my home, hearing the red head laugh and making people on the street turn their heads to us in question.

"So what's this house you've had on hold for us look like?" I questioned, holding onto Matt's arm lovingly.

He kissed my head happily at hearing my newfound eagerness. "It's two stories, three bedrooms, large kitchen, one washing room, and a yard that goes on for practically miles. We could renovate it into a farmland if you wanted to keep busy."

"I have a feeling there's more to the large space in your plan than just farming." I spoke my mind. "I hope you know this much about anatomy; two men can't have children."

"I know this, Mello." He spoke proudly. "But there's nothing saying we can't adopt in the next few years. I know of an orphanage not far from our new home. Even if we don't adopt though, it's still nice to have the extra rooms."

"How about this;" I began, resting my head on his shoulder, "we'll adopt a child when I take my brother to find the sea."

"But that could take YEARS Mello!" He said incredulously.

I giggled. "Exactly."

Right as the man nudged me playfully, we heard a loud and booming crash not far from us that made the ground shake hard enough for us to fall over. Never in my life had I heard something so menacing and booming that it caused everyone to topple over and go silent in fear.

I looked up to see where the sound had come from…

…

…

…and I felt my heart stop.

It was terrifyingly huge, just peaking over the wall, with no skin or hair attached to it's body. It was red and glistening like blood, and it's face a cold stare towards all the people before it. If hell had a face and body, then this would be it. A cold and hate-filled glare, with inhuman eyes that screamed death and destruction. It's mouth not moving and it's muscles clinging onto the wall in pure anger and resentment. I couldn't fathom what this creature was or why it'd appeared.

I felt Matt grab onto my arm. "Run to the boats…"

I saw the creature move slightly and my heart sped up by a tenfold.

Matt clenched onto my arm a bit tighter. "GO, NOW!"

Another boom filled my ears and I found the people around me panicking and running for the escape boats up to the northern parts of town. Others were scrambling to get to their families to save them or to houses to retrieve important items.

My heart practically stopped in my chest. "Armin…"

I ran towards the waterfront, Matt following me in horror.

He stopped me in my tracks. "Mello, you have get to the escape ships! NOW!" He demanded.

I pushed him out of the way. "Not until I know my brother is safe!"

He grabbed my hand to spin me around. "Mello, _that_ is a titan! And not our everyday run-of-the-mill titan! That… thing… it was colossal! HUGE! It probably tore down the wall just now! You can't run towards it!"

I pulled my hand away, and glared at him. "My brother is out there, and titans will be crawling in here to eat whatever humans they can find! I _need_ to find him and make sure he's safe! After I do that, I'm going to grab my parents and grandfather and get the hell out of here! I promise, I won't get killed by those creatures, but you have to trust me!"

"And if you _do_ get killed!?" He demanded from me.

I paused for a moment before pulling him into a swift kiss. Once I let him go, I held back the tears.

"Then know that I love you."

I ran off then and didn't look back. Of course Matt tried to follow me, even screaming after me, but the rush of people getting in his way stopped him from catching up. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I was stubborn and determined to save my brother. Not only that, but as part of the Garrison Matt would have to abandon me at some point anyway to join the fighting.

I just prayed he didn't get eaten.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N:**_ ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Armin P.O.V)**

With Hannes on his way to retrieve Eren and Mikasa, it was my turn to start running for safety. I knew I had to get to the ships before they became too full and departed, but with my track record not being all that good…

…well… I just hoped I tasted good to those monsters.

They were coming into the town in waves and no more was there peace in the little town of Shiganshina. The monsters broke their way through and were now feasting on any humans in sight. I prayed to every god that my parents, brother, and grandfather had all gotten out of here and to the ships, but I had to be prepared for the worst. I didn't want to think about it, but on the chance that I ended up on my own, I had to remember how to survive alone.

My father had taught both of his sons to be prepared in the face of survival. He gave us books to read on the subject and taught us everything they'd taught him while he was still a trainee. From this we learned what was proper to eat, to drink, where to set up camps, how to hide, and most importantly how to stay out of titan's line of sight. Our father prepared us accordingly…

…

…but would I know what to do when the time came?

I ran up the street, dodging the many screaming people as best as I could, before tripping over a crack in the street and falling face first into the ground. I'd scrambled to get up, but the thundering steps of titans were making me more and more clumsy out of fear. I'd never seen a titan outside of my father's books, and I didn't feel like meeting one first hand. If I did, I was most certainly dead. I wasn't fast, I wasn't clever, and I certainly wasn't strong enough to face it. No, if I met a titan… then that was it for me.

Thankfully, that day wouldn't be today.

Right as I rounded the corner towards the ships I smacked right into a taller person who was running in the opposite direction. It'd knocked the wind out of me, but seeing their face made me ecstatic to have bumped into them.

"Mihael!" I screamed in delight before jumping into his arms.

He was shaken a bit from us hitting into each other, but as soon as he knew it was me he immediately pulled me into a warm and loving hug, thanking the heavens that I hadn't been eaten. Despite my brother being less than emotional some days, I knew he loved me without question. And it shouldn't have surprised me to see him come running after me even with all these titans around us.

I heard the whipping sound of a soldier's gear come close and I saw Matt land beside us with his blades drawn and ready for combat.

"Mello, you found him!" He exclaimed happily before hugging us. He then grabbed Mello's arm and began to drag him towards the ships. "We have to go, RIGHT NOW! Titans are flooding the city and people are dying left right and center!"

"I need to make sure my parents are okay!" Mello pulled back from him, pushing me to his side. "Take Armin and make sure he's safe on the ship! I need you to look after him if…" he paused in his words before shaking the thoughts out of his head. "Just go! Please!"

He ran off in the other direction, towards our house, leaving Matt to take me to safety.

Of course the red head wanted to run after him, but he knew more than anything that my brother would never forgive him if he left me now. So he did what any good soldier would do and followed orders, bringing me up into his arms to carry me the rest of the way before we could be spotted by any titans that were currently in the area. Luck be with me, Matt was fast on his feet and even faster on his gear. The moment we went skyward we'd made it practically half way to the ships. I'd learned long beforehand that Matt had tampered with his gear to make it more accessible to him in times of need. He hadn't had a chance to fully use his gear until now, and I'd been along for the first ride.

I'd have been excited had it not been for the impending doom around us.

We made it to the ships, people screaming and rushing onto the first boat they saw. Matt, because of his soldier status, got me onto the ship in no time flat and placed me near the middle where he knew I'd be safe.

He kneeled down to look me in the eyes, hands on my shoulders. "I'm going back for Mello and I'm bringing him back whether he found your parents or not! I'm sorry, but you two are my biggest concerns for the moment and I won't leave you without a family member!"

I nodded at this, tears streaming down my face. "Just… just promise me something."

He gripped a bit harder onto me. "What's that?"

I hugged him close and bit down my sorrow. "Promise you won't leave me too if you can't find him."

He was taken aback by the hug but slowly returned it with a sorrowful huff in his breath.

"I promise… I won't leave you."

With that the man was off, heading towards the direction of what was once my home. I prayed that he found Mello, and I prayed that they both made it back safely. I couldn't bear the thought of losing someone I loved so dearly.

But then… no one wanted to lose a loved one. Yet we all had to eventually.

"Armin?" Came the familiar, rugged voice.

I turned to see my grandfather and parents all rushing towards me through the crowd and I immediately felt my heart swell up in relief and joy. I ran towards them, not even caring about who I was pushing out of my way and immediately jumped into my grandfather's open arms. My mother and father both hugging me as well before a pang of realization hit me.

I pulled away from them in sheer terror.

"Mihael…"

* * *

 **(Mello P.O.V)**

The thumps of titan footsteps were filling my ears and I felt my heart race in a panic. I needed to find my parents and get the hell out of here before I became the titan's next meal. Lord only knows that enough people were eaten today, and I didn't want to be another statistic. Not now… not ever!

I ran past the few crushed buildings that used to be my neighbours homes and ran through the blood soaked roads until I came across the one building that hadn't been completely destroyed; my home.

…

…or what was left of it.

A boulder had smashed into the foundation of the house and I could barely make it up the steps to get in and see if anyone was still in there. To my relief, no one had been in the building during this time so I could only assume my parents had made it out along with my grandfather. So now there was one last thing I needed to do.

Although I'd been told time and time again that trinkets meant nothing in the face of survival, I just couldn't leave my home without taking my last shred of evidence that I ever existed. I raced up the stairs and grabbed my leather journal and side pack off the floor before bolting out the window and landing in a pile of hay. From here on, with everything that I treasured most safe and sound, I could make my escape…

…

…or so I believed.

The crunching and crumbling of wood and stone, followed by the rumbling of a stomp from behind that made me fly over five feet in the air, had be turning to the cause in complete horror. There, right behind me, stood a titan of massive proportions. I'd heard my father describe these ones as fifteen metre class titans – one of the more taller ones known – and they were usually the most hungry, were you to compare them to smaller ones. It's eyes were soulless and cold as they stared at me in hunger. It's skin taut and pulled back on it's face to reveal a set of sharp teeth ready to chomp down on the sturdy bones of humans. This thing was not human, and far scarier than the pictures I'd seen in my father's training books. The only thing I'd been happy about was that this was not the monstrous titan from before. The one that knocked down the wall and got these bastards through.

I stilled in complete and abject horror before hearing a scream rip through my ears. It only took a moment to realize it'd been me screaming as the monster had grabbed me and was readying to break me in half.

I kept screaming as loud as I could before the titan stilled in it's movements and the hand that had been holding me tightly suddenly went limp and it fell to the ground. As I'd fallen onto the stone streets I could see that the titan itself had been slain and was now disintegrating before my eyes. With this I could only assume one man had taken it down.

The red head himself popped in from beyond the steam and grabbed my arm. "Let's go! I'm running low on gas!"

Matt really was my angel sometimes.

I ran with him still holding my arm and I thanked him for all that he'd done.

He chuckled nervously. "Top student in the Cadets." He said, his voice somewhat cocky. "But don't thank me yet. We still have to get you to the ships. After this, I can't be forced to battle. Gas is low and soldiers are starting to retreat because the supply room's been overrun by five to seven metre titans. We can't win this one, but we can save as many people as we can. This includes you if we can hurry before the ships depart."

I nodded at this and picked up my pace. "Then let's get moving! My family's on one of those ships!"

He looked back at me. "They weren't in the house!?"

I shook my head. "They got out before the boulder hit. They must be on one of the ships."

"You're brother's safe as well, but I don't know about your grandfather."

I chuckled at this. "That old bastard's never going to die!"

He snickered back. "Can't argue with you there!"

We made it to the ships and saw that the planks were being removed. But that didn't stop Matt there.

He dragged me towards the waterside and we ran along the ship he claimed to have been the one that Armin was on.

And sure enough…

"Mihael!" I heard my brother scream for me as I ran alongside the moving ship. Behind him I could see my entire family all watching in pure relief and happiness.

I smiled in pure joy as I tossed my pack to them. Armin caught it easily and now he and my family all waited for me to join them.

Matt cupped his hands to form a support for me. "I'll see you on the other side!"

I kissed his cheek hastily before leaning onto his shoulder and readying to jump at the right moment.

Just as the ship had entered into the tunnels that would take them all to freedom, Matt pushed me off into the air and I grasped onto the stern of the ship and dangled there for a good few seconds as the ship entered into the tunnel. I was free from the titans, and soon I'd be together with my family…

…

…

…that's what I thought… at least.

The moment the sunlight hit my face again, and I was halfway up onto the ship, I came face to face with the barrel of a pistol. The holder of this equipment being a soldier in the Garrison…

…

…the same soldier I'd insulted earlier on that day.

My muscles weakened as he cocked the gun.

His shit eating grin widened to show a row of yellowing teeth.

"Ain't no more room with a pig like me on board. Eh, sweetheart?"

My heart stopped at this, sound of a gunshot filling my ears…

…

…

…

…and my world became dark.

* * *

 **(Matt P.O.V)**

I'd heard the gunshot clear as day and I used up the rest of my gas to find out what had happened. I'd smacked right onto the deck of the ship and found Memphis completely and utterly murdering the pig soldier from earlier today. I'd recognized him from the greasy brown hair and smell of alcohol.

I got the man off of him and asked what was going on. To which I could see his answer being a face streaming with tears as his youngest son stood in abject horror over something that had just gone down.

I managed to put two and two together and saw that Mello wasn't on board.

I picked up the pig soldier and demanded to know what he'd done. His answer was a garbled moan of blood and teeth as he pointed to his pistol that lay at the very rear of the ship. On the side I could see blood pooled below it from a recent incursion.

I growled in pure anger and was about to hit the pig in pure rage when a booming thunder of destruction caught everyone's attention.

Far off in the distance, towards the exit from Shiganshina and Wall Maria, stood a titan of epic proportions. Muscles on every which way of him and a face that screamed death and destruction. This titan had destroyed part of the wall, and had now given the regular titans a way towards wall Rose. Meaning that this battle wasn't over.

…

…it was FAR from over.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Yes, I killed Mello. Hope you all have fun with the internal turmoil! :3**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N:**_ ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Jean P.O.V)**

I didn't understand what was happening. All I knew was that I'd heard a loud crash from far off in the south and everyone panicking around me. My mother had rushed me inside and I watched from the window as citizens and soldiers scurried around trying to maintain order and peace. Within hours people were arriving by the docks to join us here in Trost and both my mother and I were left to wonder what had happened for everyone to evacuate out of Shiganshina. It must not have been good if people were told to leave the area.

I hurried alongside my mother as she carried her rations to people from Shiganshina. It'd been a day or two since this had all happened and she took it upon herself to help out as best as she could. She'd been up since the day of their arrival making rations for the people to eat. With how much time she had on her hands, and me to help her, she was more than eager to help out as much as she could.

"Momma," I spoke up, looking to her as she handed out bread. "What happened in Shiganshina?"

She didn't answer me at this and instead handed me another basket. "Could you go help out with the children? Make sure they get double the rations, they're still growing."

I nodded at this, knowing she was far too busy to be answering delicate questions like this, and ran off to help out as much as I could.

I noticed that the people from Shiganshina were mostly farmhands and fishermen. Since they lived where the most land was it didn't surprise me, but I still found it amazing to see so many in one place. Even the kids looked like the earth had conceived and birthed them. Whereas I'd grown up in purely my house alone, reading, writing, and drawing, most of the kids here looked as though the soil had been their livelihoods. I can't say I was more privileged than them, but I'd definitely had more opportunities. My mother taught me to read and write, I'd went to school, and I'd been one of the few lucky kids to have a larger home than most.

It was strange to see the contrast between myself and these children.

I handed out the last of the bread in my basket and went to look for my mother. With people being fed right now I'm too sure she'd be willing to tell me what was going on.

I ran through the crowd, squeezing my way past adults and kids alike, before a small wisp of blonde hair caught my eye and I stopped to make sure I didn't crash into them. The blonde, however, hadn't been watching and crashed into me accidentally, spilling his rations of bread that he'd obtained somewhere.

I immediately began to help them pick up the bread, spilling out a sorry or two, before something else caught my eye.

The blonde looked up for a brief moment and I noticed the sky was in his eyes. It was an amazing sight to behold and it left me speechless. Never once had I seen anyone with eyes as blue as his, bright and colourful as if he were the epitome of good fortune. Behind them, however, was a sadness and negativity to them that I couldn't fathom for the life of me. At one look you wouldn't have been able to tell that this child was from Shiganshina from how poised and thin he looked. At first I thought he was female, but one look of his attire told me otherwise. Though pants weren't exactly gender-defined, I had to assume he was a male for this reason alone. No muscle or tone to him, but a simple and elegant form. His face, however, screamed disaster and despair. He was definitely from the Shiganshina district.

And he'd witnessed his own horrors.

The boy spoke, "Sorry," as he quickly picked up the bread he'd had and rushed off towards the end of the crowd. I'd tried to stop him but he was gone before I could say a thing.

This broke my heart, but there was nothing I could do about the matter. It wasn't like he was in the mood to be friends with anyone anyway. He'd probably gone through something too heartbreaking to repeat, and the last thing he'd needed was for me to ask about what had happened. But maybe someday I'd get to ask him…

…if we saw each other again.

I ran in the other direction from the blonde and looked to find my mother with a large man and who I assumed was his wife. Both were blonde, like the boy I'd bumped into, but the man was much more toned and muscular while the woman was thin and gorgeous in her natural way. Both looked as though they'd been people of the land for years. Farming or gardening, or even help with the Garrison, made them look quite capable of handling themselves.

I ran up to my mother and handed her the basket. "All done! Every piece of bread was handed out!"

She pat my head lovingly. "You're a good boy, Jean. You've just made this experience a tiny bit better for people." She then sighed as she looked up at the two adults. "I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you two."

The muscular man waved it off. "Please, dear lady, none of this you should be apologizing for. It was the titans that broke through the wall, and the incompetence of man that caused the death of hundreds." The man then started choking up. "I'm just glad that bastard soldier got what was coming to him."

The woman tapped her husband lightly. "Darling, not in front of-"

"If you ask me, your son deserved it!" Came a reply from another male.

We all looked to find a tawny-haired soldier drinking from a flask with a shit eating grin on his face. The blonde muscular man was not pleased to hear this.

After he finished his swig of alcohol, he sneered at the blonde man. "Mihael was nothing more than a nuisance! He berated us and challenged us non-stop, and he just managed to piss off the wrong soldier! His mistake was not keeping his mouth shut and out of people's business!"

The blonde man grabbed the soldier by the throat and pulled him up into the air. The soldier choked and flailed aimlessly, trying to get free from his grasp.

The man's hand tightened. "No one deserved to die that day. Especially by the hand of who's supposed to be a trusted soldier."

His eyes began watering up and tears started flowing as he let go of the soldier, having him gasp for much needed air.

The blonde man growled. "I didn't spend my years in the Survey Corps to help out ungrateful swine like you. I spent those years looking for a way to end the titans and find out more so that we may not end in this undignified manner. But it seems those days were a wasted effort when all you learned from it was to sit back and let others die in the process. There's a bigger world out there unlike one you will ever dream of, and it's real! The sooner we fight for it, the sooner this war with the titans can end! And no more will we have to say goodbye to our families and friends in order to survive!"

The man then walked away with his wife following him, leaving the soldier to scoff at their preaching. Once he stood up and collected his bearings, he looked me straight in the eye.

His sneer returned. "Listen to that, kid. That's the sound of his strength being drained. Don't make connections unless they're higher up, get yourself into the innermost wall, and you'll be protected and carefree for the rest of your life. Memphis didn't and became a joke, him and his family. His son's preachy, his father-in-law's a tired old man, and his wife's just a whore. As for his eldest… well, that little faggot is dead now, so what does it matter?"

My mother guided me away from the soldier and forced me to look away from him. "Don't listen to anything he says, Jean. He's just an insensitive drunk with no sense of morals."

I bit down on my lip in nervousness. "But… is he right? About the innermost wall, I mean?"

My mother grumbled. "Yes and no. Yes, people there live the high life with nothing and nobody to worry about. But if you go up there then you're less than worthless in the eyes of people who work for a living. It's sad… but the truth. You may be safe, but you won't be respected."

"Why don't we all just go there if it's so safe?" I asked in earnest.

She sighed at the thought of her answer. "Because, like living up north, it's expensive and hard to secure. Over the past one hundred years we've all been put into a caste that suites us best. The one's with money have more protection, the one's without are sent to work. And those of us that are in-between, like you and I, make do with what we have and are privileged with what own."

That thought made me happy but bitter at the same time. If there was a chance for people to be safer, then it should be allowed to everyone with equal pay. Not just the rich and privileged should be safe, if this attack had meant anything to anyone. So… maybe it should be my own goal.

To make sure me and my mother are safe and sound. It might take years, but…

…

…no. My mother wouldn't come with me. She's too stubborn.

But then… maybe I could go? I'd heard talk about people entering into the Cadets to be part of the Military Police. And they did nothing but stand guard of the King. Maybe… maybe that was my way out and into safety! It sure beats getting eaten.

I looked back at the crowd of people and thought for a moment that I saw a wisp of blonde hair yet again. I chalked this up to my imagination though and looked back in front of me.

 _'I'll enter into the Cadets,'_ I thought to myself. _'I'll enter and become the best! The Military Police is the easiest way to get into a safe zone. I don't want to leave my mother, but I know she won't join me. I have to do this alone.'_

I looked up to my mother's worried face and made the decision not to say anything about this until the time when I could enter the cadets at the right age.

 _'I'm sorry, mother… but I have to do this.'_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N:**_ ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Armin P.O.V)**

 _I ran to greet my brother at the stern of the ship. I hadn't seen anyone near him at the time and I thought for sure that I'd be able to get to him before anyone could kick him off. I thought he'd join us and we'd be together as a family…_

 _…_

 _…I thought many things._

 _I reached to the stern and watched in complete horror as the bastard soldier held a gun to his forehead. My brother barely noticed I was there._

 _The trigger was pulled and the shot sounded…_

I awoke in a jolt and my head was spinning from both a headache and lack of food. I'd only had a few pieces of bread in the past few days and so far I was slowly losing weight to the hunger knowing at my core. Next to this hunger I felt a pang of guilt for not being able to have saved my brother from the shot. That I sat there and watched as he was shot point blank in the head and fell into the river below. The soldiers still hadn't found his body yet, and my father pushed harder for them to look. It was likely though that the current took him away and that he'd never be found again.

I wanted to believe that that wasn't true… but it felt like anything could happen at this point. I felt as though the sky would turn to grey and the grass would become rock. That the impossible would overcome us and destroy us without even any effort.

I just couldn't believe we were safe any longer.

I sat up from my bedding and shivered slightly. I, as well as Eren and Mikasa, were joined into one room of this rickety and drafty house while my parents and grandfather slept downstairs. Today would be another day of working in the fields for us just for a scrap of food on our plates. It was despicable and frustratingly difficult work, seeing as how we had rights to our food as much as any other, but it wasn't like the food shortage was bad enough. Now we had less livestock and less grain to go around because of the abandonment of Wall Maria. Times were getting rough, and people were turning against others. My father, god bless his existence, had managed to get us a small home thanks to his military status. It wasn't much, but it was better than sleeping in stables and working to pay of outrageous loans. I can't imagine what it'd be like if Mello was here as well. The blonde would have demanded a mansion from the soldiers, all while calling them pigs in the process.

That thought made me smile sometimes. And sometimes a smile was all you needed when work was becoming your everyday.

I looked to my right and saw Eren and Mikasa sleeping peacefully. Well… as peacefully as two who witnessed a horror a bad as they did.

I felt so bad for Eren… for him having to see his mother eaten before his eyes. It just wasn't fair, none of it was! We'd had to abandon our homes, our friends…

…

…our families.

No one knew what happened to Eren's father. He'd come back for an hour or two and had left once more. Eren had forgotten everything about the incident where he'd met with him, and wouldn't talk to us about his nightmares about him.

In a sense… the man had disappeared.

I looked to my left and found my brother's side pack. In it he'd only left a few things; his writing utensils and ink, his markers, professional pens and pencils I'd gotten him for his birthday, and his journal. In it I read his latest short stories each night until I fell into slumber, pretending to hear his voice and be in my bed like nothing had ever changed.

I pulled out the journal and read one of my favourites;

 _"The boy was not very special. He was not very strong or very graceful. But his mind was the most wonderful of attributes. For in his mind he could picture things unlike any other had seen. He could picture worlds of colourful glass windows and beautiful glowing flowers. In his mind he could dream of dreams in a slumber so deep, not even the sounds of a lone crow could wake him._

 _"The boy was petite and calm, loving and kind, and when he smiled the world smiled with him. And he knew he wasn't brave, and he knew he wasn't strong, but he also knew that no one else could compare to his determination and desire; for when he woke each morning, and he glanced towards the walls that surrounded him, he knew more than anyone that he would be the one to bring down these walls in a shake of purpose and might unlike any other. For beyond that massive wall lay his deepest dreams._

 _"Dreams of fire water that flowed from mountains, of land made entirely of sands, and a body of water so huge and great that you could never see the end no matter how hard you tried. This boy was a dreamer, and his dreams seemed like fantasy to most…_

 _"…but my dream is to make his come true. To see the light in his eyes at seeing the world he'd so desperately desired to be part of…_

 _"…but then… what older brother wouldn't want a perfect world for his kid brother?"_

Detailed below this was a map of an escape route out of Wall Maria and towards a land he believed not to be infested by titans. He'd one something incredibly illegal at ripping out a page from a book that had been collected from us years ago. The map had been a detailed, larger version of our land and was not to be viewed by anyone in the public. Mello had done this to be free and take me with him…

…

…and now he couldn't.

I closed the journal and hugged it close to me. "I'm so sorry, Mihael. I'll make it up to you, I swear it."

I heard the front door downstairs open and I immediately ran out of the room to see what was going on. More than once had the soldiers stormed in here and demanded payment from my father, to which we couldn't oblige, and I had to make sure everything was alright.

Thankfully, it'd just been Matt.

Matt had suffered much worse than I had with Mello's death. His hair had become ragged and slightly redder from the shock of losing someone, and his skin was dirtier than ever. His eyes were permanently red and puffy from crying so much, and no longer were they green as the grass itself. In a sense, he was no longer the Matt that had fallen for my brother. He was just a shell of what was. And how could I blame him for becoming this? The man had loved Mello so much that knowing he was gone for good nearly drove him insane. All those years he'd had with him, all the love and memories… it must have been torture to see it all get killed. And it was all because of a jealous drunk of a soldier that we had to blame for it. And when it was time for his payment for his treachery, Matt had been the first to shoot.

My father made sure he had nothing more than capital punishment for his crimes against those he was supposed to be protecting.

I ran down the stairs to hug Matt happily. He hugged me back without question as my parents came into view to ask why he'd come around.

The news… was not good.

"It seems that with the shortage of food going on, they'll be sending out a few hundred people to help reclaim what was deserted back at Wall Maria." He said angrily. "It'll be a recon mission… but I bet we all know that it's a bullshit lie to thin out the population. The only ones unable to go will be the children… well, and you all."

My father looked somewhat surprised at this. "I would've thought they'd want me as their leader if anything else."

Matt only scoffed. "Mikasa lost her parents as well as Eren. I'm not letting Armin lose his. Having Mello k-" he stopped mid-sentence, gathering up his courage to speak. "Having Mello killed was enough. I'm not losing anyone else in this family."

My mother pulled him into a hug, her eyes watering slightly. "Thank you, Matt. It means the world to us that you think of us so highly."

A tear fell down the man's cheek. "Mello would have done anything for you guys. The least I can do is take his place and make sure nothing happens to the rest of you. I know how much he cared… he told me so himself." He backed away from the hug with a grin. "It's why he rejected my marriage proposal for so long."

My father chuckled happily but with a slight bit of sadness to hear this, patting the man's shoulder. "Well done, lad. Lord knows he wanted you."

He nodded before jolting at a sudden thought and digging into his pocket. He brought out a coin purse and offered it to my father.

"I know the soldiers have been bugging you, and since I have no use for it anymore I was hoping you'd accept this in order to pay them off in the future. I know how they work here in Trost, and it's just as sickening as if they were the MPs. So… take it and use it to help yourselves."

The larger man took the purse hesitantly and looked inside. In an instant the man gave it back.

"Matt, I- -I can't accept this! This is far too much for you to give up!"

He shook his head. "Please, take it. I can't bear to look at it anymore anyway. It was supposed to be the payment for our house up north after we got married, and… I just can't look at it anymore. It makes me sick."

My mother hugged him once again and the younger man hugged back in sorrow. The poor guy was going through a turmoil unlike anything else at losing someone so important to him… and it made me even more guilty to know that I did nothing to stop that soldier.

My father looked at the purse once more before placing it on the table.

"Matt, when this is all over and the… erm… 'Recon' mission is over with, we'll all take this money, plus some savings we've kept in hiding from those parasites we call soldiers, and head up north where we can all be much safer. I want you to come with us and be part of our family. I doubt you want to stay part of the Garrison anyway."

Matt backed away from my mother's hug, wiping away a tear with his wrist. "After the mission begins, I'm out. I told Pixis I couldn't be part of an order where they steal and rob others blind while killing others on the side. He's allowed me to leave, and even said that if I want to return to the military then spots will be open for me at all times."

My father nodded. "I know Pixis. He's a good man, and an excellent commander. He keeps his word and is more than fair when it comes to trials. As soon as you're done with them you may stay with us. You gave my son the one thing he needed more than anything; Happiness. For this, I can't repay you enough."

Matt laughed half-heartedly. "Mello was already happy with all of you. He just… he needed something more. And I was really hoping taking him up north would have been what he needed."

"Maybe… but…" the man drifted off, "but it's in the past now. We have to look to the future."

Matt nodded at this. "So when will we be leaving exactly?"

"Leaving?" Came Eren's unmistakable voice.

We all turned to find him and Mikasa looking at us in pure bewilderment.

My father relayed the plan to him and sure enough, Eren was against it.

"I'm not leaving!" He demanded. "I'm joining the Survey Corps and destroying those beasts for good!"

My mother leaned down to look him in the eye. "Eren, think about what you're saying…"

"I have thought about it! I've thought about it since I realized what world I truly live in! And I don't want to live in a world ruled by titans and their monstrous ways! I want to be free of them! I WANT THEM ALL KILLED!"

"Eren…" I tried to calm him down.

He marched down the stairs and grabbed my shirt. "QUIT BEING A WIMP, ARMIN! IT'S THAT ATTITUDE THAT GOT MY MOTHER EATEN! THAT GOT YOUR BROTHER KILLED! DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE KISSING THE BOOTS OF THOSE PIG SOLDIERS AND DO SOMETHING FOR ONCE!"

I felt my being numb over in pain at the thought of Mello's death once more and tears began to stream from my face. Before Eren could realize the damage he'd done, however, Mikasa unhooked his fist from my shirt and threw him off of me. I fell to the ground in complete and utter dismay as Mikasa stood between us.

"If Armin's a wimp… then so are we."

I looked up to her at this in wonder. What exactly was she talking about?

Her stoic face didn't change in the slightest. "Whether it was running from the titans or fleeing the town, we didn't manage anything on our own. We even have help with getting food…" she then looked to Matt, "and with keeping us alive and together. There's no way such powerless people can defeat even a single one of those titans."

Eren looked up from where he'd been thrown, and I could see a look of anger and resentment in his eyes. Still, this did not stop Mikasa.

"Staying alive is what matters most. Just like your mother said."

This caught Eren's attention out of everything and his eyes watered at the immediate thought of her. It was only then did he realize how childish he was being before. But really, I couldn't blame him. He'd lost everyone…

…

…and I'd only lost my brother.

I was lucky enough to have most of my family _and_ Matt. But the two of them… they had no one. No mothers or fathers… just each other.

Just me.

I stood up from my spot and leaned on Matt slightly. Too afraid to speak… just like always.

"Tell me," the red head spoke up suddenly, "which is more important to you; being alive…

"…

"…or living?"

We all perked up at this and I noticed Matt no longer looked as sad and depressed as before. He actually looked… determined.

His eyes narrowed. "Eren, you alone cannot take down every titan in this world, especially in your current conditions. But you can still fight. If you truly want to, and it means the world to you to end this age of being trapped as cattle waiting for slaughter." He paused for a split second before grinning slightly. "I know it's what I want. To live and be free from this cage and repression. To live in a world where we aren't ruled by fear and tyranny. To live in a time of peace and prosperity, loving and laughing, not worrying about when our next meal will be and who will die next. It was my dream… it was _our_ dream. A dream to be free and reach the moon. And even if we missed the moon we'd be with the stars. Forever dreaming, forever happy, and forever at peace. Our ancestors thought that the wall would bring us this, but instead it brought us more pain and destruction than anyone could have ever faced. Even worse, they outlawed the very thing that had made us in the first place; History.

"Eren, you want to fight for this? You want to become and soldier and prove your worth to the world before you? To end this fear of being the titan's next meal and break down the walls that keep us caged in?"

The brunette nodded, his words frozen in his throat.

He then looked to Mikasa. "And you?"

She stared for a second or two before truthfully answering with, "I will fight to protect Eren. He is the last of my family."

He then turned to me. "Armin, your brother's death had nothing to do with you or anything you've done or could've done. The truth of the matter is, he was killed by a tainted soldier and there was nothing that could have been helped. You aren't a wimp for not being able to help him, and there was nothing you could do. Don't tear yourself up over anything Eren says or what the soldiers say. Only _you_ have the power to tear yourself down… so don't allow yourself to do this."

He put a hand on my cheek and wiped away a stray tear with his thumb. "Mello loved you with all his heart. And believe me when I say he wouldn't want you breaking down like this over his death. The only thing you can do is move forward now, and prove to him you can be strong without him beside you. So tell me… what do _you_ want to do? How will you fight for everything that's been lost?"

I thought about this for what felt like forever. I thought about what I could do to prove my worth and how much I cared for my brother and what he stood for…

…

…and then a memory came to mind.

 _We were in our room looking over maps from illegal books that our grandfather had stashed away. The soldiers had taken all the good ones, but these were still good in terms of dreaming._

 _Mihael grinned happily. "Someday I'll get out there and find all these places for myself! When I do, I'll mark it all down on a new map and take you along with me for a second visit!"_

 _"But how will you get out?" I asked in earnest._

 _He ruffled my hair slightly before looking out the window. "Father was once a soldier in the Survey Corps, remember? So when the time comes, we'll enter into cadets together and work our way into the survey corps. On the first mission outside the walls, I'll break free and go off to find the world myself. Once I'm done, I'll come back for you and we'll escape together!"_

 _"What about the titans?" I asked in a bit of fear._

 _He raised his head proudly. "You're big brother will take 'em out, no sweat!"_

 _I smiled at this and hugged him. "Can we visit the sea first!?"_

 _He hugged back in delight. "I'll kill every titan in the world if it means getting you to the sea! I promise, I'll take you there!"_

I grinned half-heartedly at the memory and I stood up a bit straighter.

"I'm joining the cadets as well." I said quietly.

Both my parents and Eren were dumbstruck to hear this but I gave my reasoning as to why, telling them that it was a plan I'd made with Mihael long ago. With this, there was no stopping me from making up my mind.

"But Armin… joining the cadets would mean putting off our moving until you'd become a full soldier. You realize this, I hope."

"Not to mention the danger of getting killed in the process!" My mother practically yelled. "No, I won't allow it!"

"Selena, it's a mere two years before he can join. We'll have time before then to spend with him." My father reminded her. "And if it was something he and Mihael planned together… then he should continue on with it. If only to honour his memory." He then looked at me in worry. "But I warn you, it'll be tough as nails, son."

I smiled at the man lovingly. "We're a tough family."

The man picked me up in a bout of pride and hugged me close. "That's my boy."

Matt suddenly hummed. "I wonder if Pixis can get me into the training academy for Cadets as a 3DMG teacher…"

My father laughed. "I suppose he could if you asked right now. He might even allow you to switch over with Armin to keep an eye on him… if I were to put in my own personal opinion."

"So you'd return from retirement to look after your boy?" The red head asked knowingly.

"When he graduates, perhaps. If the wife will let me." He looked over to my mother, eyes pleading.

She scoffed slightly before kissing his cheek. "We'll talk more about this when the kids are in Cadets."

And with this, the plan was set. My friends and I would enter into the military and become soldiers to fight for our freedom. To fight for a chance to see the world before we died, and to end the tyranny of the titans. It would be a long road ahead…

…but it would be worth it!


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Before I post this chapter I'd just like to say that I'm incredibly confused as to the ages of these characters in this series. I mean, people say they're fifteen, but that would mean that they were twelve when they joined the cadets since it was three years of training before they graduated. And even then, as twelve year olds, they looked a hell of a lot like teenagers when they began training.**_

 _ **Okay, I've got that out of my system.**_

 ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Jean P.O.V)**

 ** _Two Years Later_**

The past few years had put a strain on my relationship with my mother. She wanted me to stay home and not worry about something as trivial as the Cadets and getting into the MPs, but I wanted nothing more than to be safe from titan influence. There was nothing she could say or do that would change my mind, even when she yelled or begged me to stay home. Things weren't the same when she found out about this, and I immediately took a dislike to her attitude. I guess she wasn't fond of mine either, but as my mother she should have supported me right from the get go. But… I guess I could understand her fears.

A lot of people were lost thanks to the titans taking Wall Maria from us.

I dropped my bag off to the side and surveyed the field around me. There were very few people I knew here and it didn't help that we all looked the same as it was with our new uniforms. I wasn't too fond of the leather around my waist, nor having the leather jacket to make the hot weather worse. It was an all-around uncomfortable getup and not something I was used to wearing for long periods of time. Oh well, this was what I had to deal with if I was going to be safe behind the innermost wall.

Plus we got to use the 3DMG soon, and I knew _that_ was a treat all in itself! What person didn't want to be flying around like the birds?! It was magical!

I felt someone bump into me and I looked back immediately to see a freckled face boy down on the ground scurrying to get everything together. He looked as though he was nervous about this first day of ours and wasn't looking where he was going.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" He said fearfully as he stood up. "I was checking my bag to make sure I had everything and I didn't look where I was headed and…" he paused when he saw my indifferent face, then grinned nervously as he held out his hand. "Marco! Marco Bott!"

I looked him over once before grinning myself and shaking his hand. "Jean Kirstein. I take it you're new to this whole scene?"

His grin widened but didn't deplete in nervousness. "I'm not really accustomed to the military, what with me being from Jinae, and I haven't seen a lot of soldiers in my time. I only joined up because people were saying that soldiers were needed and I thought the King would want more soldiers around to protect him."

"So you're going for the innermost wall as well." I vocalized my thoughts, turning my head away from him but still grinning. "A noble profession, and a lucrative one. We're most protected beyond Wall Sina, or so I've been told."

He laughed at this, voice still a bit panicky. "Well, let's hope we get to the top ten in training then!"

I jolted at this and looked straight at the boy. "Top ten?"

His smile disappeared and his face now spelled confusion. "Well… yeah. They don't let just anyone into the Military Police. They need to be from the top ten students who graduate at the end of our years as Cadets."

Dammit! And I thought this was going to be easy. But of course, there's always a catch. I guess there was no helping it. I couldn't coast along like I did in school back home. No, I had to put my all into this or die trying! I wanted that spot in the Military Police, and I'd sooner lose my hair than lose that opportunity!

…

…well… maybe not my hair.

But I wasn't giving up my chance for complete and utter protection!

We heard the sound of a horn and everyone was commanded to line up properly and face the commander before us. Marco and I ended up standing next to each other favourably since we'd already had a bit of a greeting and it was better for me to concentrate on the task at hand when there was someone even remotely familiar next to me. The others didn't matter at the moment.

I took a breath to relax myself. _'I can do this!'_

A stern looking man with a clean cut beard and completely bald head suddenly stepped out in front of us.

"The one hundred and fourth Cadet Corps Class entrance ceremony will now begin!" His booming voice announced menacingly. "You have the misfortune of having me, Keith Shadis, as your commandant! I do NOT welcome you warmly!"

I scoffed to myself at this. _'He's not that scary. It's more like he's compensating for something or another. Pathetic.'_

He continued on. "In your current state, you'd be nothing but food for the titans! You're mere livestock! LESS than livestock! Over the next three years we're going to train you worthless nothings and teach you how to fight titans! Three years from now, when you come face to face with the titans, will you still be fodder for them?! Will you serve as an honourable barrier that protects the king?! Or will you be a glorious soldier for humanity that drives the titans out!? It's up for you to decide!"

My grin widened. _'Safely behind Wall Sina… where I belong.'_

The man then began to march up to us with his eyes focussed on our own. He was looking for a weakness, a chance to humiliate us in front of the others so we would all be equal. But that just wouldn't work. Some of us were better than others and we knew it. Those that were better deserved to have the safety and sanctity behind Wall Sina where we belonged. And looking around, I could see that there were a few here deserving of that alone, so it meant I would have to kick it up a few notches to prove myself.

I heard Keith Shadis stop in his tracks and begin yelling at one of the cadets, asking them the ridiculous question as to why they were here. This girl he'd spoken to had said something about proving herself to her father.

"You want to prove yourself to your father!?" He demanded to know.

"Yes sir!" She answered.

He went on to tell her she'd only be able to do so by being the titans toothpick for cleaning out other bodies from their teeth. She, of course, replied back with a 'yes sir' and the back and forth continued. This went on with a few more people, and the first row was allowed to face the other direction. After this, he began on the next row.

I was beginning to get a little tired of this and found it utterly dull to only hear screaming from the man in front of me…

…

…until a familiar voice ripped through the air.

"Sir!" The voice called when addressed.

"Who the hell are you?!" He demanded to know.

"Armin Arlert, from the Shiganshina District!"

Shiganshina? That destroyed district from years ago? And that voice… it was like the one he'd heard from that kid when he was handing out bread to the refugees back then. It couldn't honestly be…

"I see! That's a ridiculous name! Did your parents give you that name?!"

Although his voice faltered a bit at this, he answered with, "My brother did, Sir!"

I watched as Keith leaned forward towards the shorter, and very familiar, blonde. "Arlert! Why are you here?!"

"To help humanity achieve victory!" His voice returned to it's full strength once more.

 _'Pathetic,'_ I thought bitterly. _'He probably lost his family in Shiganshina and wants to avenge them. A worthless cause. Why avenge something that can't celebrate along with you? Fight for something real, blondie.'_

"That's wonderful to hear!" Shadis yelled, not actually sounding proud to hear this. "We can feed you to the titans!" He then turned the blonde towards the rest of us…

…

…and my heart sunk once more.

It was definitely him. It was definitely the boy who'd ran into me two years ago while I was helping my mother. I couldn't mistake those blue eyes for anyone else's. They'd been sad and lonely the first time I'd seen them, but now they had a new strength and passion to them unlike I'd seen in anyone else before.

"Third row, about face!"

The third row turned to us and Shadis continued on.

I watched the blonde in silence as I tried to remember if there was anything he'd told me about that day in Shiganshina. However, upon recollection, he'd barely even noticed me and merely spoke his apology before running off with his food rations. The only story I'd gotten from anyone had been that Memphis guy and his wife. My mother had told me that Memphis had been a great soldier in the Survey Corps at once point before retiring to be with his family. I hadn't learned his last name or what had happened to him after Shiganshina, but with the Recon mission and the stats that were brought back to us… I could only assume that he was dead.

Sad really… I would have liked to have known more about the fall of Wall Maria. Perhaps this Armin kid…

"Who the hell are you?!" Came the scream of Shadis' unforgettable voice.

I straightened up a bit to show I'd been paying attention. "Jean Kirsten, from the Trost District!"

"Why are you here?!" He asked.

Unfortunately, my blunt behaviour took hold of the situation before I could think of the proper thing to say.

I smirked. "To join the Military Police and live in the interior!"

There was a pause in the air and I noticed a few looked being thrown my way. For a very brief moment I thought for sure I'd said the wrong thing… yet again.

 _'Dammit! Me and my big mouth!'_ I though bitterly.

Shadis flared his nostrils a bit. "Oh… you wanna live in the interior, do?"

Huh… maybe that hadn't been the wrong thing to say.

"Yes!" I answered.

…

…

Wrong choice.

Shadis smacked his head into mine and I fell to my knees in pain.

"Who said you could sit down?!" He demanded to know. "If you can't handle _this_ , you can forget about the Military Police!"

My mother always taught me to respect authority, but at that moment I'd really wanted to kick that fucker's ass for embarrassing me like that! I'd show him how tough I could be… he just needed to watch and learn.

Marco was next to suffer his wrath, and the nervous boy let out some excuse about wanting to risk life and limb for the King. Kiss arse.

Shadis did not yell at him, but rather growled to him about the King not caring about his life or limbs. No shit. The King didn't care about anybody. If he did, that fat piece of cow-pie wouldn't be taxing people out the ass.

Marco had a lot to learn.

I got to my feet in time to watch the show as Shadis berated someone named Connie for saluting improperly. I had it bad, but Connie was being treated like a ragdoll. It was rather humorous to watch someone's face contort like a piece of clay.

I suddenly noticed some movement to my right and was stunned by the sight before me.

This chick had some pretty big balls to be doing this!

Keith noticed this as soon as I did and everyone was as stunned as I was to watch this girl munching on a boiled potato while the commander was demanding our respect and full attention. Did she just not understand what was going on?! Was she slow?! She couldn't honestly believe that what she was doing was proper of a soldier!

She bit into her potato once more, not even noticing everyone was staring at her.

And I thought _I'd_ made a fool of myself.

Shadis was quieter now after relinquishing Connie. "Hey, you… what do you think you're doing?"

The girl looked at him then around her before biting into her potato once more.

I could have smacked my own head for how completely oblivious she was.

 _'That poor idiot.'_

"I'M TAKING TO _YOU_! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" He demanded to know, screaming louder than before.

The look of fear on her face meant she understood now that she was in deep trouble.

She saluted to the officer, swallowing her morsel while still holding onto her potato, and introduced herself.

"Sasha Blouse from Dauper Village, on the south side of Wall Rose!"

Shadis looked more menacing than ever right now, his figure darkened and much more intense than before.

"Sasha Blouse… what is that you're holding in your right hand?"

"A steamed potato, sir!" She answered truthfully. "I found one in the cookhouse that was ready to eat, so I couldn't help myself!"

"You stole it?" He asked. "Why? Why did you decide to eat it now?"

"I thought it would be a waste to let it get cold, so I elected to eat it now."

I think my eye twitched at this. _'She couldn't go one afternoon without a fucking potato!?'_

Shadis was much quieter now. "No, I don't understand. _Why_ did you eat the potato?"

She faltered at this. "Are you asking me why people eat potatoes, Sir?"

Everyone in the field was looking at her now, each of us wondering what the hell was mentally wrong with her. I even caught a few people giggling and waiting for the punishment to ensue.

She then had a realization and took the potato and broke it in two. "Here's half of it for you." She spoke in a less than thrilled voice.

He took the potato 'half'. "Half…?"

She then smiled to the man, crumbs still clinging to her face.

I turned away at this to hide my smirk. _'Poor Potato Girl.'_

* * *

 ** _Later That Night_**

* * *

Of course she had someone else. Of course it had to have been Yeager. That preachy son of a bitch just had to have it all. People's respect at being able to live through the fall of Shiganshina and Wall Maria, the adoration at wanting to kill off the titans to end the suffering of others, and of course Mikasa as his personal 'friend'. No, I wasn't looking for companionship here in the cadets – be it friend or more – but she'd been something else entirely. Gorgeous like that of a goddess of darkness. She was perfection.

And Eren already had her.

I growled out in anger as I plied through my things to unpack and ready my bunk. My mother had snuck in a few extra things while I wasn't looking, and I thanked the heavens for this little act of kindness. I knew I hadn't been the best to her before leaving, and I knew I didn't deserve her thoughtfulness, but I was more than happy to have a few mementos of home. A thick blanket she'd made for the winter to come, a few journals to document my time, some parchment to write letters to her, and my sketchbook to pass the time while I wasn't doing anything. My mother knew me well…

…

…and I'd have to thank her for this as soon as I could.

I placed my paper and sketchbook under the mattress to my bunk and put the journals under my pillow. I knew I'd write about today's events at some point, but not while I was still fuming over Yeager.

I lay down in my bed and took a few breaths to calm down. Before I could begin to doze off though…

"Are you alright?" The familiar voice from two years ago cut through the silence.

I looked up to see the familiar blonde looking at me nervously with his hands behind his back. Up close I could see just how much he'd grown from the little kid that'd bumped into me by accident so long ago.

His eyes were still large and bright, but his face was slowly maturing. His skin was still soft looking but tighter and less pudgy. He'd definitely lost some weight since I first saw him, and I chalked that up to the food shortage and the people from Shiganshina having to work in the fields after they came around. I didn't like the thought of him working and becoming all dirty and scarred. It didn't suit him.

Still, he looked as though he shouldn't be here despite having worked in fields long beforehand. He was too weak.

Then again… he didn't get head-butted by the commandant and fall over in pain.

He bit his lip nervously. "I'm sorry about Eren's temper. It flares up into the unreasonable sometimes. I'm glad it didn't come to a fistfight though. I have a feeling you could have done some real damage."

I rather liked how this kid thought.

I smirked and sat up in my bed. "So you know him personally then?"

He nodded. "We've been friends since we were toddlers. Though, it wasn't like I had much of a choice in the matter. Eren was always getting into trouble and I was always getting him out of it. The friendship just… stuck."

"What about in Shiganshina?" I had to ask.

He nodded. "Even then. He just has a habit of doing things without thinking. It's rather bothersome for me and Mikasa."

The blonde sat in the bed across from me, pulling out what looked like a journal from under the pillow. So he'd be sleeping across from me. And knowing Yeager, he probably had the bunk above him if they were friends like the blonde had said.

I held out my hand. "Jean Kirstein, head-butted by Shadis." I semi joked.

He grinned half-heartedly before taking my hand. "Armin Arlert, stupid name."

I couldn't help the small chuckle as I leaned back. "I don't think your name's stupid at all. I think Shadis is jealous is all."

"Really? Why's that?" He asked, genuinely curious.

I scoffed a laugh. "His name's Keith. I mean… how is that supposed to be scary? 'Oh no, here comes _Keith_!' You have to admit, it's not exactly terrifying."

"Well, neither in 'Armin', for that matter." He said truthfully. "But being a commander would seem to require a more… commanding name, I suppose. That's what my father tells me at least. 'Arlert' ends jaggedly and on point. It's a demanding name. But maybe he just hates his first name a little too much to admit."

"Oh, and what is your father's name?"

"Memphis," he answered, "Memphis Arlert. And my mother's name is Selena Keehl."

This surprised me slightly. So Memphis was alive then? Was Armin being truthful about wanting to help humanity?

I hummed at this. "I believe I met him once a few years back. He'd gotten into a fight with another soldier over the death of his son… that couldn't have been your father though… right?"

I noticed the demeanor in his eyes change to sorrow as he looked down at the journal in his hands. Something told me there was more to this story than what he was willing to speak about.

Before I could question him further, Yeager suddenly came into the barracks with a crown of boys asking him all sorts of questions about Shiganshina and the colossal titan. It made me sick to watch him get all this attention, and I could see Armin wasn't having that great of a time watching the show.

"We should get to bed." He said quietly. "We got a big day tomorrow, learning the 3DMG. We can talk more tomorrow night though, if you want to."

I growled slightly, watching Yeager answering the questions being thrown at him. "Sure… when it's much more silent, that is."

A small smile graced his face before he curled up into his covers and began reading his journal.

Despite him being friends with Eren, I didn't have that much animosity towards him. He seemed alright for one of Yeager's little followers.

Better than Yeager himself, anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

**(Armin P.O.V)**

The exercise was a survival challenge and would require all of us work together as a team. The downside about that, however, was that Eren and Jean just didn't get along well enough to work as a unit. It made me a little bit upset to see Eren always starting a fight with Jean and I briefly wondered if he'd end up killing the guy, but I soon began to see it as the norm and just kept my opinion out of it. It wasn't like Eren would listen to me anyways.

Eren had become distant from both me and Mikasa. He'd become obsessed with being the best in order to end the titans sooner and avenge those who had fallen before us. He wasn't the Eren I'd grown up with anymore, but instead someone more intense and scary. Eren had always had a temper, but this was just insane. He barely smiled anymore, barely said a word. And when he slept, his nightmares made him claw and scratch at his bed, his mumblings turning into death threats. More than once the brunette had woken me up during the night and I had to pretend like I didn't hear a thing.

Like tonight, for example.

The clawing began, and then the threats. Soon, I just made my escape from the tent and went for a midnight walk. None of the others had been up, as far as I could tell, so no one really knew I'd gotten up and left. I suppose if Eren woke up he'd notice my absence, but I doubt he'd go looking for me. It wasn't like he cared anymore anyway.

I guess that wasn't true. Eren cared. He just… it wasn't the same way like when we were growing up. Yes, he'd defend me if need be it, but he was so focussed on his training that he sometimes forgot about other things that used to be important to us. Like sharing our thoughts about the outside world and what was beyond the horizon. He just didn't care.

So I stopped asking him his opinions…

…

…and I became more silent.

I didn't like that. I didn't like having to be quiet and lonely around my best friend, but it was the only thing I could do to keep the friendship there. After losing my brother, Eren was there to comfort me and help me through it. I trusted him and he trusted me. Besides, we were in the military. Childish things like fantasies and dreams were meant for the weak. And I couldn't be weaker than I already was. I had to be strong. I had to fight. For my family, for Matt, and Eren!

…

…for Mihael.

I walked through the forest towards the lake in order to watch the peaceful light of the stars dance on the water's surface. I liked to pretend that the lake would stretch on for miles and miles on end without a care and end far off where I could never see. I pretended that this was the sea and that I'd finally found my one dream in this world. I escaped to that thought in my head every time I saw large bodies of water so that I'd be reminded that this whole ordeal would be worth it.

I'd just met the edge of the woods when I saw a figure sitting on the large rocks by the edge of the water and looking out over towards the forest line on the other side of the lake. I recognized the bruise on his face immediately, having witnessed his fight with Eren first hand.

I strode up to him cautiously. "Are you okay, Jean?"

He turned to me with a glare before realizing it was me and having his face soften up a bit.

"What are you doing up?" He questioned.

I bit my lip slightly, feeling like I'd intruded upon some kind of ritual that he'd performed each night before going to be. "E-Eren woke me. He's having another nightmare."

He growled to himself at this. "I know he's been traumatized due to the events at Shiganshina, but he honestly should look into some kind of therapy for his night terrors. I think the last time he had a nightmare he ended up falling out of bed trying to fight off invisible titans."

I hummed at this. "He's one to heal alone. He doesn't like getting help from anyone unless it's do or die. But, maybe he should talk about it more than keeping it all bottled up inside."

Jean turned to me fully and snickered. "You're too smart to be hanging around someone so idiotic. I'm surprised you've kept your friendship with him for so long."

I shrugged. "We shared a lot when we were kids. Dreams, hopes, thoughts… it was all we needed to keep us together. And after he heard about the sea and oceans far off in the horizon he was hooked! He was genuinely curious and excited to find out more about what was on the other side of the wall."

At this, Jean perked up. He seemed unfamiliar with the subject of the sea or the ocean.

"What exactly is the sea?" He asked. "And an ocean? I've never heard those words."

"That doesn't surprise me." I spoke almost mechanically, stepping closer to him. "It's an illegal topic to get into, and it takes a practically a whole book to understand it."

The boy scooted over to make room for me. "I've got time, and it doesn't look like you're going to sleep anytime soon. If it takes all night we can just go back with firewood and say we woke up early to go fetch some. After that, the rest of the cadets will probably let us rest. Connie and Sasha haven't been pulling their own weight anyway."

I sized up the rock he was sitting on and immediately flushed in embarrassment.

"Could you- err… help me up? I'm not tall enough to jump up."

I really hated to ask people to help me because of my small stature, and I mentally prayed to the gods that I got a growth spurt soon. The last thing I needed to be at the moment was a burden on others.

Jean smirked at my asking and leaned down to offer his hand. I gratefully took it and he helped me to pull myself up and onto the rock where I could see the lake a bit better. I wasn't always a fan of being high up, but ever since we got to learn to use the maneuvering gear it'd been a blast to zip about and through the air like a bird. It was fun, and I thoroughly enjoyed the training with it. The only training other than the classroom material that I actually _wanted_ to be part of.

I grinned appreciatively at the brunette. "Thank you,"

"No problem," he replied with his usual smirk, "now, about this Sea…?"

I pointed over to the lake. "The Sea is like a gigantic lake, but there's a few things about it that make it special. For one, the Sea stretches beyond the horizon and you can't see the end of it. Not only that, but there are fish and other wildlife that live in it that haven't been properly documented yet. I once read a tale of a man who was finishing out in the sea once and heard the voice of an angel, and when he followed it, it led him to a lagoon where a woman was resting on the surface of a rock. However, she wasn't like most women. She had the face and torso of any other regular woman, but her legs and feet were replaced by the tail of a fish. He called her a Siren for the way her voice sounded. Other's adopted the name 'Mermaid' but I like Siren better. It sounds… mystic."

Jean hung onto every word I'd said, his eyes never leaving my face. I never would have thought that this boy, who trained hard each day to be a member of the MPs, would be so interested in something like folklore.

"That sounds amazing. Impossible… but amazing. And this water goes on forever?"

"Forever and _ever_." I emphasized. "And the best part; it's completely filled with salt!"

He was taken aback by this for a moment before smirking once more and laughing at the thought.

"Maidens with fish tails? I'll believe that. But salt is a goldmine in its own right. Only the rich have it, and they don't have a lot of it. It should have all been taken by now."

I shook my head, repositioning myself to rest on my knees. "The sea is FILLED with salt, Jean! It can't all be taken because it's produced so fast! It's in the water and it's probably still there to this day! If we did find it, the salt would be distributed by so much that the rich wouldn't be the only ones to have it. Not only that, but I'd read that sea salt, and the salt that we mine, are two different types of salt! The kind from the water has a sweeter taste to it than the stuff me mine."

He scoffed at this before looking out to the water. "Well, when you find it, bring some back for me. I've only ever had salt once in my life and I swear my mother's cooking was the best it had ever been because of it."

I hummed at this. "That's what my father said as well. He only ever tried it once or twice, but it made the food so rich that he got sick the first time. I can't imagine food being that good."

"With the gruel we eat right now," he began, "salt or not, I miss my mother's cooking. You?"

I nodded. "My mother makes the best potato stew. When she could, she would add some beef bits that the local butcher gave her when he could and add some seasoning to it. Then she'd add sliced carrots and dumplings… it was my favourite food to eat."

I heard a stomach rumbling and I turned to see Jean staring out at the lake happily, thinking about homemade food.

"Please stop teasing me, blondie." He begged. "It's been way too long since I've had a good meal that wasn't lumpy soup made with sock sweat."

I shuddered at that thought before grinning to myself. "It could be worse. We could go hungry."

"I think that's my next course of action." He joked before turning to me. "So, I hate to bring this up right now – what with the pleasant thought of delicious food on my mind – but you never did tell me about your family like you promised."

"That's because I was helping Eren with his 3DMG. And you berating him and mocking him didn't make it any easier on his determination and psyche." I said in a harsher voice than before. "I hope you know that I wasn't the only one in Shiganshina that day, and Eren had enough on his mind at the moment without you pushing him further into his depression."

He blinked at me before shrinking back slightly and sighing. "I'm sorry. I… I forgot at the time about his own personal hells. I should have been more thoughtful about it."

The one thing I respected about Jean; when he was wrong, he admitted it. Maybe not to Eren himself, but if it was to me I was more than happy to accept his humility.

I let go of the breath I was unaware I was holding. "Thank you."

He looked at me once more, a touch of sympathy in his eyes. "So… your father's name is Memphis, correct?"

I nodded. "And my mother's name was Selena. There's also my grandfather, and my brother Mihael. But, we sometimes called him Mello. It was a nickname given to him by his friend Matt when they were kids."

"Mello, hmm?" He vocalized, his face contorting to something that resembled thoughtfulness. "I think you mentioned on day one that it was your brother who named you?"

"My brother and my grandfather." I reiterated. "The two agreed on it for me before I was born. If I had been born a female, my parents would have named me Emma."

The brunette laughed silently at this before calming down to look me in the eye. "If it makes you feel any better, my mother calls me Jeanie when she's in her most loving of moods."

I grinned at this. "You trust me with that little secret?"

"Let's put it this way; if Eren finds out about that, the whole camp will find out about you, _Emma._ "

I rolled my eyes at this slightly. "It's not much of a threat. A bigger threat would be to tell the Commandant about my illegal library of study notes on the outside world. But then, I don't take you as the kind of guy to get others in trouble for his own benefit unless it was serious. And let's face it, being called 'Jeanie' isn't that big of a deal."

The boy leaned back on his palms and scoffed playfully. "You're a lot smarter than I first gave you credit for. But we've gotten off topic. I'd like to know more about what happened that day in Shiganshina. Your father looked so upset about it, and he nearly killed another soldier for mentioning something about your brother. Did he get eaten or…?"

"He was betrayed." I interrupted, not looking him in the eye. I didn't really like replaying the events in my mind, but that's how it went down. My brother had been betrayed.

Jean noticed my change in tone and demeanor and spoke a bit more softly now. "What do you mean?"

I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I wiped it away as soon as I could. "My brother was always sought after by drunk soldiers because he was quite effeminate looking and they thought he was selling his body. He always rejected them because he was with someone else and was happy with who he was with. One day, he managed to piss off the wrong soldier… and that day happened to be the day the titans attacked. When my brother got onto the escape ship, the pig soldier from the Garrison shot him point blank in the head and he fell to his death in the river. I'd been the only one to witness the crime, but it was my father who took care of the sentencing of him. Ever since… my family had been trying to build itself up from this." I took a breath and let it slowly drain from my lungs. "They kept saying it wasn't my fault that this had happened, but I did nothing to stop it. I was too scared to. I didn't know what else to do but stand there and watch."

Jean was silent after this and I felt a pang of awkwardness fill the air. It wasn't a very happy subject, I knew, but the brunette had asked me what had happened.

The boy took his own breath of air. "I… don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything." I replied morosely. "I've heard it all before. I want to believe it wasn't my fault, but…"

"But nothing." He interrupted me, sitting up to look me in the eye. "Armin, it wasn't your fault that that ass-wipe of a soldier shot him. You were ten, and scared, and not to mention all the other stuff that had been going on. I know you've probably heard this same spiel, but what you _haven't_ heard is that it's okay to feel that way. It's a natural response to something as traumatizing as that. And I'm sure your parents feel the same way. That it was their fault and that they could've done something. I'm sure of it."

"How do you know?" I questioned. "I mean… you seem to be informed about things like this. Have you…?"

He hummed slightly in response. "My mother conceived me when she was very young. She met someone who she thought was her everything. But after I came around, she never saw him again… she never saw my father again. And raising me alone, I got to see how much of a hell it was for her when things didn't go her way. Yes, I was more privileged than most kids, but it's only because my mother spent her whole time as a parent to get these things for me. And more than once I felt it was my fault for us never having my father in her life. It took a while to see that things weren't actually as black and white as that. The truth was, he didn't care about her or me… he just cared about himself. And because of that he missed out on a wonderful family and a damn fine woman for a wife. I doubt he ever could have found better."

I smiled at this before leaning my head on his shoulder. "It seems like we have more in common than I thought."

He chuckled at this before ruffling my hair a bit. "It's normal to feel like you're at fault for his death, but don't think about it too much or it might ruin your life. Trust me, you'll miss out on a lot if you live your life hiding behind the memory of past events that you had no control over. Things happen, people leave us, and we all have to keep moving forward. Your brother doesn't want you feeling guilty over something like this. Accept his death and move on."

I sighed. "I have accepted it. And I'm moving on now. The only thing left for me is to keep my dreams alive and find the sea. When I do find it, I'm putting up a memorial for my brother. Because his encouragement and love kept me strong when I was growing up, and it keeps me strong now. I'm not the best soldier in the world, but I'm not the worst. The worst soldiers are the ones that quit."

He chuckled at my enthusiasm. "And you're wise as well I see. Though, wisdom comes more from experience than anything else, so it shouldn't surprise me."

I giggled at this before a sudden light began to shine into my eyes and I noticed morning was upon us. Had we truly been talking all night? Not even Eren could manage that much out of me.

The brunette patted my back. "Well, let's go get some firewood and head back. If Yeager wakes up he might go looking for you and I don't think you'll want him seeing you talking to me. Though, I did enjoy the company for tonight. Marco isn't that great in terms of company other than a partner or a scapegoat. He really needs to learn how to speak up for himself and stop kissing so much arse. I think his lips are turning brown."

I leaned back in repulsion. "Thanks for the mental image."

Another chuckle from the taller teen before we slid off the rock, Jean having to catch me so I didn't hurt myself too bad, and soon we headed off into the forest to grand kindling and firewood. Before starting on that project, however, I hugged the brunette lightly and thanked him for listening to me for so long.

He hugged back rather gently, looking about to make sure no one saw his tender side, before replying with, "Just because I hate Yeager, doesn't mean I have to hate you. You're actually rather nice to talk to. We should do this again."

I'd smiled at this before letting him go. "Sure thing."

I didn't care what Eren said about Jean. He was a good friend to have around here. He listened intently and knew what to say to make things better. He had some great qualities to him…

…some I think Eren should replicate.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N:**_ ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Armin P.O.V)**

Jean was a good friend to have, but he was quick to anger sometimes. Those times were usually when he was facing rejection or jealousy. With Mikasa, it was both. It made me a bit sorry to see the man being flat out rejected by the object of his affections, but Mikasa only really had eyes for Eren as it were. It was no secret to me that the girl liked my best friend but I didn't say anything to him about this in fear of things being awkward between all of us. Besides, it didn't seem like Eren was the least bit interested in her and the last thing I wanted to do was give her false hope. If she even felt hope at all. It always looked like the only thing she felt was indifference. It made her wholly unattractive to most men, but Jean seemed interested in her purely for physicality and beauty. And how could I blame him? In her own way, Mikasa was beautiful, inside and out. Her face was flawless and unmarked, her body lean and built for battle.

Jean was right to have fallen for her…

…

…if only she'd notice him.

The brunette held his head in his hand and growled. "Damn Ackerman! She just had to throw me to the ground!"

I heard the small chuckle from the top bunk but I rolled my eyes.

"You were being irrational and going to hurt me. She had to control the situation." Eren said smugly, for once happy about Mikasa taking control of the fight.

I said nothing to either of them, electing to keep focus onto my brother's journal, having read the stories inside back to front a hundred times over. Never getting bored of them.

They were better than the current events unfolding anyway.

If Jean hadn't acted irrationally, Mikasa wouldn't have thrown him to the ground. But Eren really did need to learn how to keep his mouth shut once in a while and maybe Jean wouldn't feel inclined to punch him right in the face. Not a lot of people here needed to hear preaching like his all the time. I know he wanted to end the titans, and I know he wanted to do so in the Survey Corps, but now it was becoming like a mantra of his. Kill, kill, kill… but never once does he mention what happens _after_ we were done killing. He doesn't mention the possibilities or the outcomes… he just wants to end them.

And of course so did I…

…

…but I at least had a plan for afterwards.

Once the titans were gone, and our land reclaimed, I wanted to go out and find the sea. When I did, I'd put up a memorial for my brother and then build a house where I could live in peace for the rest of my life. No more killing, no more titans and hatred, just me and the sea. Together in harmony.

It was a dream I'd had since I was five. And one I'll have until the day I get there.

With or without Eren's help.

I felt a presence beside me and looked up to see Jean looking over my shoulder with a questioning gaze.

"Haven't you been reading that same book for the one year we've been here?" He asked.

I cringed slightly, unwilling to tell the truth. "Well… yes. I like it."

"But don't you want some new material?" He asked, genuinely curious. "We have a library here, you know."

I shrugged. "I know, but they're for studying and learning new things about titans and the wilderness. Sometimes I want to delve into the fantasy realm for a bit. Besides…" I breathed out hesitantly. "It was my brother's journal."

The boy perked up at this before sitting on the edge of my bed. "Really? He was a writer?"

"What's it to you, horse-face!?" Eren demanded angrily. "Just leave him alone! Armin doesn't want to talk about his brother to someone like you! You don't even care!"

"For your information," Jean growled out in frustration, "Armin has already told me about Mello and his tragic death. Maybe it's _you_ who should stay out of _our_ business!"

I sighed heavily before answering his question. "Yes, Mello was a writer. His dream was to fill the world with his writings and become a success among the people. Matt was going to help him out once they settled down in the North… but…"

The taller boy nodded. "I understand. And this Matt guy… he was his friend?"

I bit my lip, wondering if I should tell him the truth. "You could say that."

He got it almost immediately. "Oh, so they were lovers."

Eren growled in warning, not liking the way Jean said that word.

I only grinned. "Yes, lovers… and soon to be married. Well… as married as two males could be, I suppose."

Jean grumbled in response, and I half expected him to go on a rant about how males shouldn't be anything more than friends with each other. That anything more than that was sinful and disgusting…

…

…instead…

"It's a shame how our society views relationships. It's fine of a man wants a string of lovers, never knowing what true love is, when a man can't be in love with another man and want to spend his entire life being happy with the one person he loves most. It sickens me."

I was genuinely surprised to hear this from him. "I had no idea you were alright with that sort of thing, Jean."

He grumbled as he looked over my shoulder at the words on the page. "My mother always told me never to judge someone's likes and dislikes. That we're all human inside and that everyone deserves love and life. She was a good person to believe this, and actively supported the rights of all people around her. I believe she even started a few strikes and sit-ins in her day, but she won't tell me about them. I think she just doesn't want to give me any ideas." He suddenly hummed as he noticed a short story that caught his eye.

He pointed to the title. "'There is Always a Light'. What's that about?"

I looked to the page and grinned. "It's one of his older works, but it's my most favourite one to read. It made me happy living in Shiganshina, even when I should have been sad and angry about it all. We weren't very poor, but we didn't have a lot. From this, he made a story about it."

"Oh yeah!" Eren said happily, leaning over his bunk. "I remember that one! Read it!"

I glanced up in fear and worry. "What! N-no! I… I can't. I'm not as good a reader as Mihael was."

"Come on, read it!" Connie suddenly joined in as he entered the barracks with Sasha behind him. "It's been a while since I heard a good story telling!"

"Did someone say stories?!" Came a sweet little voice as Krista hopped in with Ymir. "Please read one! I'd love to hear one before bed!"

Soon a few other cadets popped in demanding that I read to them before heading off to bed. Among the first few I'd counted I could also see Mikasa, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, Mina, Marco, Franz, Hanna, Samuel, and a few others we'd come to know as allies in the year I and my friends and been here.

Jean patted me on the back with a grin. "Looks like you have no choice now. Start reading Arlert."

I blinked in fear and looked around me at the large group. I was a strong reader, yes, but I couldn't read out loud to a bunch of people. That was something only Mihael could do, and had done to earn himself some coin from passerby's. What if I screwed up the words? What if I looked like a fool? I couldn't do it, I just couldn't!

I looked over towards Jean and he seemed to read my face as clear as day.

He leaned in and slightly whispered, "Pretend you're reading to your brother. Pretend he's asking for your help in his story."

Another reason I couldn't hate Jean as much as Eren did; he was smart. Smart enough to see what the correct course of action should be. Because of this, I found my courage.

I looked down to the words, taking a hesitant breath.

 _'Well… here goes.'_

I cleared my throat and began to read my brother's story,

" _Times are tough, our lives a mess. The streets are busy and the days are long. Food is scarce and belief is dwindling. The times of poverty and hell make us all wish for days of laughter and life once again. Our hands marked, our feet sore, and with each passing sunrise we mark the days until our deaths. Each morning becoming more and more like a scratch in time. From the moment we are born, to the moment we are dead, we are crying for food. Some much more than others. Daylight turns to night, and we are shrouded in darkness beyond compare."_

I paused, smiling to myself at the rest of the story.

" _But each dark and soulless night, each shadowy figure we see before drifting off, there is a light to look forward to among the hours. The light of dreams that dance in the air when we no longer are part of the waking world. These dreams of wonder and excitement fuel for those in the days to come, when once again we must continue to strive for another day. The dreams of owning land, of becoming a hero, or finding another world to be part of, and the wondrous and fantastical memories of happier, simpler times. When there was food and life to go around."_

I hummed in response to the next part.

" _Of course, dreams do not last forever. And of course we all must wake from the warmth of it all and face reality once more."_

I felt a course of dread wash over me, but I knew that this was not the end to the story. Not by a long shot.

 _"But even in reality, there is life and light._

 _"In the smiles of children as they run up the streets, unaware and untainted by the world around them. Innocent to the doings of mankind and what is to fall upon them in their futures. There is light in the eyes or your loved ones as they look upon you as the life they have come to dote upon and love with all their hearts, unconditionally and without question. There is light in the work we do and the people we meet, in each smile and in each wave of hello. There is light in the street that takes you back to your warm and comfortable home, and in the bricks and walls of that home that keeps you cozy. To even those without homes there is a light in the darkness, when you are given food or shelter for the night. When you are given love and support, no matter where it may be from._

 _"There is a light in the eyes of your friends as they laugh and love with you, as they pick you off your feet and hold you close. When they brush the tears away and defend you without question. There is light in their actions, in the way they speak and think, and there is light in the passing of hours you spend with them, forgetting all the darkness you were once engulfed in._

 _"There is darkness. There is poverty and hell, death and destruction, hate and tears…_

 _"…_

 _"…but there is_ always _light to counter it. It all depends on where you look for it._

 _"In the moon and stars, in the sun and sky, in the eyes and smiles of those most treasured, or in your dreams where darkness and night lies most._

 _"There is always a light."_

A round of claps brought me from my reverie and I immediately was aware I'd been reading the story out loud the whole time. I knew I had been at first, but once I got into it I hadn't noticed that it'd still been reading aloud to everyone in the barracks. It was like I'd stopped caring about what others thought and just… read for the sake of reading.

Like I did for my brother.

Jean patted my back as people – mostly the girls – began to file out of the barracks. "Mello couldn't have a better reader for his stories. Maybe you could read another one next week. Make this an annual thing."

"I'd enjoy that!" Eren said happily, agreeing with Jean for once. "I miss Mello's stories."

"If you've got more, I'd like to hear 'em!" Marco said happily on the other side of the room, Connie and a few other boys agreeing to this.

I shrugged in nervousness. "I'll think about it… but it's not guaranteed."

With that, the lights were dimmed and we all went to our separate bunks. Before falling into slumber though, Jean looked at me from his own bunk and grinned.

"It's good to get some humanity back after a year of nothing but drills and learning to kill titans. I'm glad to see that there's _some_ humanity left in us."

I smiled back at him. "Mihael always said that books were a gateway to the soul. That they made you think and feel in ways that nothing else could. I wish he'd accomplished his dream though. He would have made an excellent author."

"I think he would have become one of my favourites." The brunette admitted. "He speaks from the soul. Not a lot of people can do that. He had a talent… and so do you."

I covered my blushing cheeks with my blanket at this. "Not really. I just knew him better than anyone else."

"Well, I'm glad you did." He said as he rolled over onto his back, yawning as he rested his arm behind his head. "I can't wait to hear the next one you read aloud."

That night, for the first time since before my brother's death, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N:**_ ** _I hope you enjoy, reviews are much appreciated, and thank you all for checking this story out_**

* * *

 **(Jean P.O.V)**

Graduation was over and done with, and I'd made it to the top ten. Though it irked me that I was below Eren, it didn't stop the fact that I'd be heading to the interior while he'd become titan chow for a lost cause. That definitely put a smile on my face, despite how dark the thought was.

Today we'd be helping out the Garrison for a bit and then tomorrow we were heading towards our new careers as fully fledged soldiers. No more trainee days of clawing our ways to the top, no more Shadis cracking his head against ours as punishment, and no more Yeager to bug me to all hell. The one thing I would miss, despite my unwillingness to speak about it, was Armin's reading.

We'd made it an annual, once or twice a month deal with him to read to us from his brother's journal, and everyone was hooked on what we'd been read to. It was as if Mello could speak and write what we all were thinking and articulate it much better than we'd ever been able to. Had he lived after the fall, he would have made a great author. I honestly loved his work, and I loved the way Armin spoke the words so fluently and with passion. Of course, he knew his brother better than anyone so he'd known how Mello wanted his stuff to be read. Armin really was talented with words, though he lacked the courage to speak up most times. It really wasn't good for him to think so little of himself when he had such talent. Not to mention he was smarter than any of us, and he knew more than he would ever let on. It made me a little sad to see him waste his true talents on something like the Survey Corps.

Then again, he and Mikasa were creepily attached to Eren for no good reason. So it shouldn't surprise me that he'd follow that preachy son of a bitch into battle.

I couldn't take Eren's suicidal attitude anymore. He was dragging everyone who was sensible into a fight that wasn't their own. He had passion and strength, yes, but he lacked the brains to go through with any of it cautiously and in preparation for what was to come. He saw what titans could do, and he saw what monsters they were. So why he acted so childish and stupid about it was beyond me. He wasn't practical or smart about his choices. He just jumped in and got himself hurt most times.

I hissed as my hand slipped and was pinched by the clasp to the harness. I had to gear up and get ready to patrol the streets in a few moments and my head just wasn't in the moment. I was getting angry at Yeager again and he wasn't even here.

"Are you alright?" I heard a familiar voice ask me.

I half expected to see Armin when I turned around, but instead it was Marco. Thank god, since I didn't really want to yell at the short blonde about his best friend. Then again, maybe if I smacked some sense into him, maybe he wouldn't go off into the Survey Corps.

Maybe he'd stay within the walls where it was safe.

I wasn't exactly friends with Armin, but I wasn't his enemy. Armin knew this as well, and we treated each other with some mutual respect. He was nice, but not overly nice like Krista or cruel-nice like Ymir. He was just… kind. He had no reason to hate me, despite my conflicts with Eren, and he had never once started anything with me or anyone else. He was quiet and observant, and as long as I showed him respect, he showed the same back.

Marco patted me on the back when I only glared at him slightly. "Come on, Jean! One more day and we're in the MPs!"

I grumbled. "I know, but I can't help but feel a bit miffed at everyone who's joining up with Eren because of his stupid spiel from last night. I mean… does no one have a mind of their own?! Do they really believe they alone can defeat the titans?! They're being careless with their lives and it's pissing me off!"

Marco only chuckled at this. "You sound like a Commander who's losing control of his soldiers. Then again, it's what a natural leader would do in this situation. You see the wasted potential being whisked away yet letting them do as they please."

"Would you stop with the 'natural leader' stuff!" I demanded. "I'm not a leader, and I never will be! It's not what I want with my life anyway! Having to be in control of a bunch of ungrateful brats with no solid reason of being in the military in the first place. It's not who I am."

Marco only sighed as he pat my back once more before walking off towards the supply room. With this, I thought the conversation was over and done with. No longer having to hear Marco's half ass excuses as to why I'd be a better suited leader than him.

In truth, Marco _was_ better suited than me for the roll of leader or commander. He listened to the others and what they had to say about the mission in front of them. He worked to make things better for everyone and always let people have a say. It's what a real leader could do. As for me… I knew full well that I was the complete opposite of him. I worked alone, I was brutally honest, and I trusted no one. It was the way I was, the way I lived. If I was alone, I couldn't get hurt. And if I didn't get hurt, I lasted a lot longer than everyone else. It was the smarter thing to do…

…

…if but a lonely choice.

I heard another familiar voice clear their throat and I looked to my left to see Armin, halfway through his stock count, looking at me in a bit of nervousness.

Had he heard what I'd said about Eren?

He bit his lip timidly before taking a step towards me. "Marco's right. You'd make a better leader than he would any day. You just need to realize your strengths in that department."

I scoffed as I straightened up a bit. "Like what? What strengths do I have that qualify me to be a good Commander someday?"

He was silent for a moment, glancing down to his shifting feet before looking back up at me with hope in his eyes.

"Jean, Marco is kind and considerate, and he always thinks about others before himself. He listens and allows himself to be the shoulder to cry on." He paused for a moment before looking over to where the freckle faced teen had disappeared. "But that's the traits of a companion. Not a Commander." He then looked back into my eyes. "Commanders must be brutally honest in the face of danger, and think about their next plans and who they can trust first and foremost. Their thoughts can't be swayed by the tender words of others and their actions must be thought out to the last detail. You have many of of these traits and more that are suitable to the role of leader or Commander. You may not believe me now, but someday you will. Marco is right to remind you of this, especially if you're going to be in the MPs. We don't need someone as strong as you getting lazy on us."

He walked over towards the door to the storage room with his pen and paper and stopped to look back at me with a slight grin.

"And, just so you know, I think you're right about Eren. He's all talk and no thought. He jumps into things without questioning them and it might get him killed one day. But I hope you know that he's not the reason I'm joining up in the Survey Corps."

I blinked at this, mildly surprised to see one of Yeager's followers being so truthful about his own misgivings.

"So… why are you joining up?"

He looked up and over towards the wall where the sun had just risen and greeted the day. "Because the Survey Corps are the only soldiers who get to leave these confines. And once I'm out there… I can follow my ream and find those mythical lands. The fire water, the valleys of sand, and the sea. I'm not giving up on my dreams for something as trivial as safety."

"But you'd be living." I chuckled out, admiring in the boy's determination.

He took a step towards me and gestured to all around us. "This isn't living, Jean. This is just not dying. And for a hundred years we've been alive with no sense of what living is. And I'm tired of it. So I'm doing something about it."

"Armin, I admire your spunk." I spoke truthfully. "But the fact remains…"

A loud crash of lightning broke through the air and the two of us dropped to our knees and covered our ears. This lightning was unlike any other I'd ever heard in my life. It was louder, sharper, and it made my stomach churn in fear.

What the hell was going on?

I looked up when the crash of lightning was over and saw Armin shaking out of fear in front of me.

"N-Not again… n-not now… please god… please…"

I ran to his side and forced him look up at me. "Armin, what's going on?!"

A tear fell down his cheek and he clung onto me with all his might.

"It's returned…"

A boom of destruction sounded off not far from us and I immediately knew what was happening.

"ALL SOLDIER'S GET GEARED UP AND READY FOR A FIGHT!" Came the call of one of the captains. "THE COLOSSAL TITAN HAS BROKEN THROUGH WALL ROSE AND TITANS ARE SWARMING TROST!"

I shook in fear over this and felt my whole being numb over. Trost would be lost, my home would be destroyed…

…

…what if my mother…?

I felt Armin pull me to my feet and guide me towards the supply room. "We have to get geared up properly. We can't allow the citizens to be harmed."

I could hear in his voice that he was terrified, but he was putting up a good front for me and the others. I knew he was shaking in fright because I could feel it as he guided me to where we kept the blades, but his steps didn't falter.

I looked over to his face and noticed he was on the brink of tears. And why shouldn't he be? He'd lost his own brother thanks to the titans, and now it looked as if we'd lose more people because of them. Everything that was going through his head – the deaths, the destruction, the pain and anguish – I could read it all on his face.

And soon… I'd be experiencing it for myself.

…

…

…god help me…


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: Sorry I've been gone for so long! I had a back injury and needed to recover! But I'm back and writing again!**_

 _ **Short chapter for today, but I'll be coming out with a longer one this weekend!**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Matt P.O.V)**

I'd heard the crash of destruction as soon as anyone else. I'd reacted as fast as I could and immediately began to help with saving civilians. There'd been a scuffle with one of the merchants but was dealt with swiftly thanks to Mikasa, and soon we were able to turn our attentions to the titan threat. She, Eren, and Armin had all become fine soldiers, each of them with their own talents to showcase. I just hope that their negative aspects didn't cloud over the positives.

Mikasa had indeed become one of the strongest soldiers known to man, but from what I'd seen while being a tutor in their trainee days she had no mind of her own. This made her irrational in the face of danger and I could only see more than a few failures in her future. But maybe that was just me being paranoid.

Eren was a tough kid, but incredibly hot-headed. More than once had he let his anger get the better of him and things went south. But he cared deeply for his friends and companions, more than valuing their lives over pure victory. I'd once had a talk with him about how he viewed the titan threat and he made the argument about wasting less lives than needed. I wish I could've told him that that was less than likely while in the survey corps, but I couldn't do it. He just didn't understand…

…yet.

As for Armin… well… his report wasn't the greatest. He was weak of body, but not of mind. He had an outstandingly active imagination, and more than once had proved himself of worth in the classroom. His grades on papers and tests were top notch, outweighing even Mikasa and Eren in both cases. All because he lacked the strength and physical abilities, he did not make it into the top ten. I wished I could have changed that for him, for Mello's sake, but I couldn't do much being but a tutor for other students.

But it wasn't as if Armin had gotten _nothing_ out of this.

I saw the way he looked around at the other soldiers and trainees. He was observing them… sizing them up. It was the same way his brother used to look around before we were together. Armin was much the same way. He looked, he debated, and then he decided. Most of the time it was a no for him, or even a slight maybe. It really all depended on whether or not Eren wouldn't kill them for thinking impure thoughts, or Mikasa getting between them to protect his virtue. The point was, Armin didn't really have much of a selection. People were either too dumb, too oblivious, or just taken.

But there was still one person who captured his attention.

Said person suddenly zipped up to my side, out of breath and scared shitless.

"We're running low on gas," Jean said fearfully, "and the supply tower has been overrun. We might not make it."

I growled to myself and looked behind me to see the rest of the soldiers and trainees paralyzed in fear over what had happened. Over the horror they'd seen.

I then looked over to Armin and felt my heart sink. He hadn't said much since joining the rest of us in this fight, but I'd heard from a trainee named Connie that he'd been the last of his squad. That he'd been paralyzed with fear and had been looked over by the other titans as merely a corpse. That didn't surprise me. I'd known a few members from the Survey Corps who were stricken with a fear that kept them bedridden and immobile for days on end. Whatever Armin experienced must have been gruesome if he couldn't even move because of it. Sadly, I had the faintest idea of what it was...

…

…poor Eren.

I looked out towards the headquarters where we'd have been able to restock had it not been for the titans clambering over its walls. All those people in there, all of those who were supposed to help, were now cowering away and waiting for their deaths.

I heard Jean growl next to me. "Bastards. Leaving us to die like this."

I took a breath and patted him on the back. "Think before you speak, cadet. Those poor bastards are dealing with their own hell, you know. It's been tough for us, yes, but imagine having to be stuck in one place and having monsters clawing at the door."

"That doesn't mean they shouldn't do their jobs!" He exclaimed, his hands balling into fists. "Because of them our gas is low and we can't make it over the wall!"

"Armin!" A voice suddenly sounded from behind us.

We turned to see Mikasa kneeling before the blonde and asking if he was alright. She'd even went along to ask if Eren was alright…

…

…and Armin broke down almost instantly.

He listed off all the names of his comrades, everyone who had died including Eren, then went on to apologize to Mikasa for not being able to save them… for not saving Eren. And in the deepest parts of my heart I was sending my love and support for the blonde, knowing he'd seen so much in his short life, and prayed that this would be it for him.

But I knew better than to believe prayers would save us from this type of hell.

Mikasa was silent after hearing the news about Eren. More silent than what was usual for the girl.

She stood up from her seat, pulling Armin up with her.

She turned to the rest of us and began walking towards the edge of the roof. "Matt, if we can bypass the titans, or eliminate them in any way, we'd be able to get to the supply station and refuel. Is this correct?"

I nodded. "Correct. Though… the number of titans out there could pose more of a threat than you think."

"I can kill them." She reassured, turning to us with a slight anger in her eyes. "I'm strong, stronger than any of you! And I'll kill them all myself if I have to."

"Mikasa…" I warned.

"I'll do it! Even if I have to do it alone!" She continued. "As far as I'm concerned I'm surrounded by nothing more than cowards. You all can just sit here and watch how it's done if you're so afraid to fight."

I growled under my breath before backing away. "Then do what you want. I have my own business to take care of."

The girl ignored me and jumped off the roof, zipping away faster than a bolt of lightning. Before long, enough people were following her, thanks to Jean's little pep talk about being real soldiers, and soon it was just me and Armin on the roof.

That was fine… I had my own escape planned.

I stomped over to Armin and grabbed at his elbow. "Let's go…"

The blonde immediately pulled away and backed away from me. "Matt… we can't let her go like that. She'll get killed."

"You heard her, she's strong." I reminded him. "Anyone that proud won't die so easily. Damned brat. People like her rule most of humanity nowadays…"

"Matt, she's in mourning!" Armin reasoned. "She's lost her self-control, her _real_ self! She's not right in the head! I'm sorry… but I have to go and make sure she doesn't kill herself over the loss of our friend. Please… just follow and help me out."

I growled again and clenched my hand into a fist. "Fine, but don't you die on me either! I promised your brother I'd look out for you, and so far you're making my job a hell of a lot harder than it should be!"

The blonde nodded before running after the others and zipping away, me following not far behind.

 _'Damn, Mels.'_ I thought to myself. _"This kid is more like you than I could have ever imagined. Hard headed and stubborn.'_

I had to grin at that thought.

Mello would be proud.


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: Sorry, been busy with job hunting and getting over the flu outbreak in my family. Blech, no excuses. I suck!**_

 _ **Anyway, I hope you enjoy this short chapter. I'll try to make the next one a bit longer, I swear!**_

* * *

 **(Armin P.O.V)**

I honestly couldn't believe it when I saw it. A titan that fought against its own kind? It couldn't have been an abnormal, could it? If it was an abnormal, it was probably the most abnormal of them all.

We crashed through the window of the building and skid to a halt, Connie being completely out of gas at this point. It was amazing that we'd even made it with the amount we'd had left, but we'd gotten to the refuel station in record timing thanks to that abnormal knocking a few titan heads about.

Matt was the first to greet me, hugging me tightly before slapping me upside the head for ditching formation to save Mikasa.

He grabbed my face and forced me to stare at him. "Don't EVER disappear on me like that again! DO YOU HEAR ME!? I thought you were dead, Armin!"

I case my gaze down when he let me go and rubbed my cheek. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. But… I couldn't lose any more of my friends…"

"And I can't lose any more of your family. Not after…" his voice faltered, lowering to a growl, "not after your parents left."

I felt myself choke at this, knowing full well what losing them had done to Matt… and myself.

The damned military that I had joined up in had taken everyone from me. My brother, my grandfather, and even my parents. All I had left was Matt and even now it was becoming difficult to have hope that he will survive this mess.

My family had been harassed by the military, despite Matt's help, to join up in the recon mission that happened some years back, and my grandfather stood up to the challenge and took my father's place. Of course… he didn't return.

And my parents had had enough of the walls.

It'd been a long time coming, but thanks to my father's connections in the recon corps, and my mother's quick mind and creative skills, they left to see about scaling the wall in a balloon where no one would find them. If they were successful, by winter they would have contacted me and Matt and gotten us to do the same. We'd be out of the mess that had been created and everything would have been fine…

…

…but they never contacted us.

I never got to properly mourn their losses. Not like I had with Mello. The most I could do was just keep going forward and hope that everything would be better in the Military. And while the strenuous work kept me occupied, my mind still whirled with thoughts about death and destruction. How my parents and grandfather had all died because of the hell that was inside these walls. And more than anything, my reason for leaving – the sea and the freedom that lay beyond the walls – all but dwindled in the past few years. Though my hold onto my dream was strong and the written pieces of my brother's past hope kept me moving onward, I'd went quiet about these trivial things knowing it would only upset people.

The only person that wasn't upset by them was Jean, and only because he respected how hard I was working to get there. No matter the cost.

And, deep down, I knew my parents were proud to see that their deaths weren't keeping me from my dreams.

I stood up from the floor then, Matt dragging himself up along with me. "We need to refuel."

"The basement is overrun with titans," Jean explained to me after helping Connie up, "and there's no way the lot of us can kill them without the bastards noticing us."

"That titan out there will keep the rest of them busy." I looked over to the fighting abnormal. "I doubt any others are going to come in so we could finish off those that are already down there. How many can we expect?"

"You'll have to ask the assholes that guard this place." He growled out. "Fuckers are too chicken shit to fight them on their own."

"Keep in mind, Jean, that they were scared shitless." Matt reminded him angrily. "You can't say you wouldn't be the same way after all this hell broke loose."

The brunette only growled back before leading the way into the refueling chambers where we could plan out an attack for the titans that were awaiting us. I had a plan in mind, but should there be too many for it, I'd have to think of something else.

Hopefully, though, this would fly off without a hitch.

* * *

 _ **Elsewhere**_

* * *

 **(L P.O.V)**

The tea was especially good today, with Wammy having made it with fresh honey from one of the hives not far from here. Not to mention he let it steep an extra minute to give it more flavour. However, with Wammy, the tea was always well made so I really couldn't say that it was better or worse than the day before. All I could really say was that it was well done, and perfectly temperature to avoid scalding.

I watched as Near sat in his corner finishing his tower of oddly shaped stones he found in the garden. He'd learned from me how to take ordinary rocks, find the balancing point where they were most likely able to be stacked, and did this on occasion whilst thinking of what was currently going on in the world we lived in.

Though, living remotely in a wood where no one from inside the walls had ever even heard of, it was hard to keep up with what was currently going on with them.

Thankfully, we had a few people among our group who were happy to find that out for us.

I took another sip from my tea and revelled in the taste. "Do you think they'll reach wall Sina?"

Near only shrugged. "I highly doubt it, but you never know. I don't know that _he'll_ want that to happen. Not with everything he's currently remembered."

"Hmm…" was all I replied with. "We'll have to follow him soon."

"Should we bring others?" Near asked.

"Naomi, perhaps, but she should probably stay here and look after the place. No, we should follow him alone. He's adapt in fighting titans. So I doubt he'll die anytime soon."

"I suppose you're right." Near said as he finished his tower. He then looked up at me with bright and knowing eyes. "Are you ready to meet old friends, captain?"

I scoffed at the dead title I left behind all those years ago. "I doubt very much that Erwin and Mike will be happy to see me once again. But then… it wasn't long after I left that they got Levi, so I doubt I was missed."

I stood from my chair and made for the kitchen from the parlor. "I'll tell Wammy to get the wagon ready. Should we bring the gear?"

"If we're killing titans then it's a must."

A small chuckle escaped my lips before I headed into the kitchen. It'd been a long time since I saw those cursed walls, and longer still since I'd been crawling through the underground scrounging up a meal for myself. But a lot of my history was still there that I would like to revisit.

 _'It's been three and a half days since he left,'_ I thought to myself, a flashback of memories with my newest protégé coming to mind. _'And only one missive was sent. "Wall Rose has fallen" was all it read. Which means he's already taken action into his own hands. I suppose he'll need help right away.'_

Another chuckle escaped me, catching Wammy's attention.

"What is it, L?" He asked as he turned to me from his book. "Is there something amusing to you?"

I looked up at the elder man and made a half grin. "Tell Naomi that she'll be in charge while we're gone. I need to prepare my gear for the long journey. It seems we are needed back at the walls."

"I will do so right away, L. If you've received any missives from our traveller, I'd suggest writing one back to him explaining we'll be there to help him right away."

"Already done, Wammy. The owl left this morning. I just wanted my tea."

"Very well, I will pass along the message."

And with that, our planning began…

…

…unless _he_ already had a plan.

Which he probably did.


	13. Chapter 13

**(Jean P.O.V)**

This was unreal. Eren was a titan, and he wasn't even aware of it the entire time? How was this even possible? What the hell was going on?!

I stood at attention, waiting for the call to be made for our mission. I would say I was more than scared to be going back out there for that bastard's sake, but I had to keep my calm. The last thing anyone needed was a revolt over what was happening here.

And after Armin's speech… I was more than ready to help out anyway.

His words were still ringing in my ears. How wholly he felt about giving his life for the sake of humanity, for the freedom we so deserved. He was so brave, even when facing death.

 _"As a soldier, I swore to devote my heart to the resurrection of mankind! There is no greater glory than dying for that belief! If we added his Titan power to the might of our armies, it might even be possible to recapture the town! For the glory of the human race, I beg you! In my final moments before I die, permit me to explain his strategic importance!"_

Those words had sent chills down my spine. How anyone could speak with such heart and soul was a mystery to me, and I was afraid to ask him. He spoke with his heart in mind, with thoughts behind his eyes. Though he didn't look like it, Armin Arlert was probably one of the strongest soldiers we had.

And it seemed that even Dot Pixis could see it.

They'd been up upon the wall for about two hours now, deliberating and conjuring a plan for Eren to help win us back Trost. From what I'd heard, there were no casualties to the citizens so I assumed my mother was safe. But for the soldiers that were lost…

…well… I couldn't count the casualties.

I took a breath and felt my chest jolt slightly at the thought of going back into that hell. I was well aware that not many of us would make it out of there alive, but I had to have a bit of hope in the fact that Armin knew what he was doing having Eren help us. Did I have hope in Eren? Not by much. If even his best friend thought that he was a moron at times, then I didn't have much respect for the guy. It wasn't just my jealousy speaking anymore, I'd gotten over that during the fighting in Trost. It was the fact that, even with all his training and coming in a step above me in the top ten, the bastard still let his anger get the better of him and he lost his life.

Well… I guess he really didn't. But the fact still remained that he'd jumped the gun and fucked himself over.

It made me wonder what Mikasa really saw in him.

I heard Marco take in a shaky breath before asking, "Do you think they have something?"

I growled in response. "If they do, it better not cost more lives than necessary."

The freckled teen looked at me with worry in his eyes. "Jean… are you as scared as I am?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I'm more pissed off than anything."

Marco seemed to calm down at this, grinning slightly as he looked away. "You're always pissed off at something. Except when Armin's around. If I didn't know any better…"

"NO, I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" Came a plea from none other than Daz. "LET ME SEE MY FAMILY!"

"Daz, you're being too loud!" Marco tried to stop him.

I backed away from the situation, not caring to listen to it anymore. We were all afraid, but Daz was so chicken shit I was surprised he made it this far in life without getting stabbed by some thief. Then again, he'd probably just curled into a ball and let them take whatever they wanted. Fucker probably pissed his pans more than a toddler.

I shook my head at the way things were turning out. I could hear whispers of people wanting to revolt, but were too afraid of their lives being cut short by the Garrison. In truth, I wanted to run away just as much as anyone else. But something kept me in place. Something I couldn't explain.

"Quite the scene, isn't it…" came a low and soft voice from beside me.

I looked to see a hooded figure standing next to me, looking up at the wall where Pixis had taken Eren and his friends. I couldn't see his face, but I noticed that his hood wasn't like the ones the military used. No, his material was all leather. Black and sleek, with barely any wear into it. He either took great care of this hood, or had only just gotten it. Still, with amount of meat we lost back when Maria was taken, it was surprising to see the amount of leather hanging off this man's being.

He chuckled softly. "Everyone here is as frightened as a turkey during hunting season. It's almost amusing."

I snarled at the man. "And just who…!"

"Shush, boy!" He interrupted, turning slightly to me. From this I could see a strong jaw, but no face. "The higher ups here are just looking for an excuse to sink their blade into something, and I'm not keen on dying here."

I grumbled slightly. "And how is it they aren't noticing you already? You stand out in that dark cloak of yours."

"But I'm the most calm. Look around you. Everyone's shaking in their expensive little boots, hoping and praying that when it's time to fight none of them are the next to die by the titans. If you ask me, they're better off getting their heads bitten off by those bull creatures."

I clenched my fist at this, my teeth following next. "And why's that?"

He was silent for a moment before he turned to me once again. "Tell me, from all your years behind these walls, what has been the biggest impact on you before fighting a titan?"

I blinked at this, feeling my body relax slightly. In a moment I could recall a thousand memories that revolved around my mother and other people in my life who had the biggest impacts. One of them being the bully from my youth who pushed me to the ground and sat on me while his friends ripped up my sketchbook.

I looked away from him and towards the ground, realizing what he was asking. "Humans…"

"Exactly. Titans are scary, but nothing is more terrifying than a human turning on another and stabbing them in the back. It's easy to kill a titan because they're brainless, soulless creatures. But when you kill a human, when you take the life of a person, it does something to your head. I can't exactly explain it, but I've seen what it does to people.

"That isn't to say," he continued, "that you won't have to end a life."

"What do you mean?" I asked, rather afraid of the way he spoke about all this.

His head bowed a little so he was looking at the ground. "The Military is a dirty place, kid. The MPs are hiding more than their fair share of dirty little secrets, and the Garrison get away with beating up the innocent for no reason whatsoever. Someone in the Garrison even killed a former soldier's son. I heard he was hanged for this crime… pig soldier deserved it."

I blinked in realization. "That's… that's Armin's brother. Mello."

He perked up at this. "Armin?"

"Yeah, he's from my graduating class. He's the one that's planning this retaking Trost."

The man was silent for a moment before he hummed. "Is that so…"

"ATTENTION!"

We straightened up at the sound of Dot Pixis' voice, the whole army of us quieting down to a slight whisper.

"What's your name, kid?" The man whispered to me.

"Jean Kirstein,"

He patted my shoulder before slipping away behind me. "Consider us allies then, Jean Kirstein. We'll speak again soon."

And as fast as he'd appeared, he was gone. Like a shadow disappearing into the night. He was definitely an odd one, if not slightly intriguing, but what on earth had I said that warranted him my trust?

When Pixis deemed it silent enough to speak once again, he began with, "I shall now explain the plan to retake Trost!"

 _'Well, that didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would.'_ I thought to myself.

Pixis continued. "For this mission, our objective is to seal the hole where the gate was destroyed."

The commander went on to explain the plan in full detail, even admitting to the plans that had been tested on Yeager during his years. I highly doubted that this was true, however, and could see quite clearly that Eren was no mouse for this experiment.

No… he was just a pawn in this fucked up game of chess.

Then again… weren't we all pawns at this point?

I looked back to see if I could find the hooded man again but sadly he'd all but dissipated into nothingness. He'd said we'd meet again, but where? Why? How? What the hell had he been on about talking to me and asking me vague questions like that?

And furthermore, why had he only spoken ill of the MPs and Garrison? Surely the Survey Corps had dirt on their hands.

Or maybe that was just it. The Survey Corps _were_ dirty. It was evident to anyone who knew them. They sacrificed the lives of others so that they could just _try_ to get more information about where the titans came from, and where humanity was now. Anyone who joined in the Survey Corps joined to either help humanity… or commit suicide.

I turned back to Pixis as he was finishing his speech and my heart gave a small hiccup. The Military Police had been my true goal since the beginning, but from what that man said… it looked like I'd be doing more harm than good joining up in their ranks. And as for the Garrison… well… I doubt Armin would ever forgive me if I joined up with the same people who murdered his brother.

So then… that left the Survey Corps. After all I'd said about them being suicidal bastards, it was the only group that ever spoke the truth about the matter. They knew their missions cost lives, they _knew_ people died. They never sugar coated about what happened in their organization, people died and titans feasted on them. What more was their?

I closed my eyes and thought about my options over and over again.

For the first time since joining up in the military… I was unclear about where I was supposed to go.


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: BAH! I keep trying to go for longer chapters but they end up being shorter than I want.**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **...there's a "that's what she said in there" I just know it!**_

 _ **Anyway, enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Matt P.O.V)**

Mello would be furious at me right now if he knew I let his younger brother direct an army so willingly. But I had to give the kid credit for being able to come up with two plans in a single day that didn't falter in the eyes of superiors. Dot Pixis was most impressed by this kid's prowess and eagerness to help out his fellow man, but I could see in his eyes that he was fearful of the casualties. There was bound to be a few from the start, but things seemed to be too easy. Eren blocking that entrance with the boulder? It _seemed_ possible given the state he was in.

But… it couldn't be that simple.

I heard Pixis chuckle slightly before taking a swift swig of his toxin.

"Glad to see you back and fighting. We've missed you here in the Garrison."

I grumbled at this. "I'm only here for Mello's brother."

"Ah, yes. Arlert. He seems quite the capable lad. He reminds me of that brother of his, 'Mello' as you called. Memphis was quite proud of his boys."

"I know, sir." I said quietly, bowing my head. "It's a shame he had to lose one of them… and that Armin had to lose them himself. The poor kid's been through so much in his short life I'm surprised he hasn't gone insane."

"They say pain builds character. Perhaps this is his chance to prove it. Without his parents and brother to coddle him and hold him back, he won't weaken his mind with constant reminders of his stature or place. Of course… _you'd_ know all about that now wouldn't you?"

I nodded. "I never did properly thank you for stopping the Military Police from locking me up. Mello would have killed me if that happened." I chuckled out. "Although I'm too sure he was aware that I'd been in trouble one too many times already. I never kept secrets from him, but the last thing I wanted him to worry about was my relationship with the military. As far as he was concerned, I joined the military so I could get money for us to leave Shiganshina."

Pixis chuckled once again. "You were smitten with that boy ever since you were a child. Memphis saw it before even his son did. And he loved you like you were his very own. The poor man… having to lose a child… I can't imagine the pain he went through."

I hummed at this, straightening up slightly. "Well, the past is in the past. He's with Mello now along with Selena and that father-in-law of his. Armin is what's important to me right now. He's the future… and we must look towards the future now more than ever."

"Quite right. But, if you'll permit me to ask, what will you do after all this? Last I heard you were going to follow that boy into the Survey Corps to keep an eye on him. Is that true?"

I nodded once. "Mello asked me to take care of his family. Since Armin is the only family of his left, I must try my hardest to protect him."

Pixis gave a snort at this. "What do you plan to do? Wrap him up in a blanket and put him to bed? He's a man now, Jeevas. He's concocted this plan all by himself, has faced against the military on his own, and has proven himself time and time again to have the knowledge and power to move the daylight itself if he wanted to. Arlert is not like his father, or even his mother or brother. He's a man all on his own right, taking life by the reigns and riding it until it falls to his whim. Mihael never did this… and neither did his father. They coasted for as long as they could, working hard to keep their peace."

I laughed at this. "Mello really was a good actor. If you knew him the way I did, you'd know Mello _never_ coasted. His life was his own, and he bent the rules more times than I ever did. He was a force to be reckoned with. The only difference between him and Armin is that Armin has more self-control. If you gave Mello the freedom to do as he pleased, whenever he pleased, you'd damn well better believe the walls would come down in a flash, and the blood of titans would fill the streets. He was a hellion disguised as a regular person."

A chuckle escaped Pixis. "Yet you loved him."

I laughed along with him. "With all my heart, Commander."

As the Commander took another swig of his poison, a flare shot through the air where the boulder was located. Instead of green, however, it was crimson red. A sign that something had gone terribly wrong.

I felt my entire being numb over at the thought of what had happened. Had Eren not been able to pick up the boulder? Had he been eaten by another titan? So many questions whirled through my head that I barely noticed the wisp of blonde hair at the corner of my eye, running towards the danger that was foretold by the smoke flare.

I made to run after Armin, to tell him to stay out of this, until Pixis stopped me with his hand.

"Let him go. He knows how to fix whatever mess is before us. I trust him."

I blinked in fear of the Commanders words before backing up and returning at ease. If Armin knew how to handle this, and Pixis believed in him… then I'd let him be. But god help me if he turned up dead due to all this.

I bit my tongue out of nervousness before hearing Pixis hum once again.

"It's quite amusing to me. Arlert reminds me of another strappy little blonde from the Survey Corps. Poor man lost his father just like him… but he made a meaning out of it. Now it's time for Arlert to do the same."

I searched his face for an answer to who he was speaking about, but no clues came to mind. Someone who was just like Armin? It baffled me to know who it might be. I didn't know many from the Survey Corps but there were indeed a few noticeable names. Captain Levi, Hanji Zoë, Mike Zacharias… and Commander Erwin Smith.

But, none of them fit the scrappiness that Pixis saw in Armin. And the only blonde one was Erwin, who was massively different from Armin. Stoic and cold, calculating and driven. No, it couldn't have been the Commander. Perhaps the person he spoke about was already dead and gone. I'd hate to think that people that smart would die so easily, but… the titans don't really care who you are. So long as you taste good, I suppose.

I hummed at the thought of the main group in the Survey Corps. All of them were unique in their own ways. Hanji had a thing for learning more about the titans, to a point of excessive and _ob_ sessive, where Levi was a neat freak with a potty-mouth, and Mike – who I'd only met once – was a creepy bastard with an uncanny sense of smell.

I sometimes wondered if he was part canine.

I looked out over to the other side of the town where the smoke flare had been shot. The sun was setting, but far from night at this point. There was still a golden glow that made the scene look more peaceful than it really was. What had Mello called this time of day? The golden hour? I could see why.

"They're supposed to be back by now." I muttered.

Pixis nodded. "Soon, boy. They'll be back soon."

I took a shaky breath. "I sure hope so."


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: Yay, longer chapter!  
**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Jean P.O.V)**

I didn't know what was going on. All I was aware of was that the plan had gone south and that everyone was scrambling to get things back into pace. I'd done my part to kill and distract titans, but the moment my gear failed on me, I had no other choice but to run. I knew this would be my last mission… I just knew it. But knowing I'd be eaten or stepped on by a titan was the worst possible thought that rolled through my mind.

As I continued running up the street, the seven metre titan following behind me, I could hear Marco's words echoing in my head. The words he'd said to me while we were refueling just hours beforehand.

 _"You aren't strong, Jean. But because you aren't strong, it makes you a good leader. You understand the weak and their limits…"_

I scoffed at those words now. They seemed so genuine, but all I saw when I thought of myself was a coward. Though I hated to admit it, it's who I was. Not like Mikasa or Armin who jumped in to help no matter how useless the situation may seem. Even Yeager, for all his bravado, was braver than I was. Stupid and obsessive – with just a hint of psychotic tendencies – but still brave. And who was I but just little Jean-boy from Trost who was too pissed-in-his-pants scared to fight against titans when he had the skills to do so. I couldn't even remembered what I'd really joined up for anymore. To show off to everyone in Trost? They were gone now anyway. Trost was abandoned. To show to my bullies that I wasn't as weak as they thought I was? Once again, who cared. They had abandoned my side a long time ago.

So then… why was I here?

I ran past an abandoned building, hoping to lose the titan before he could see me, before someone grabbed at my elbow and pulled me into the sanctity of an abandoned home. The movement had been so swift that my neck wrenched and my arm nearly popped out at the shoulder. I flew to the floor in a huff, my head hitting the end of a table and my jacket tore at the seam. My breath had been knocked from me and my hand was cluttered with slivers due to the broken floor.

"My apologies, Jean Kirstein. But it looked as though you were in need of assistance." A familiar voice rang through the quite home.

I looked up to see the hooded figure from earlier standing over me, only his mouth being visible at this point.

I leaned up and growled at him. "You could have been more careful."

"A few slivers, or eaten by a titan? Which one seems like the better option?"

I grumbled. "Good point."

He kneeled down and studied my hand. "It doesn't look at bad. A short trip to the infirmary and they'll get most of them out. But I suppose it'll be a bit of a pain using your gear."

"Not unless it starts working again." I muttered out, annoyed at the fact. "My gear fucked up and locked. It isn't working."

"I saw, but I got you some new gear. Well… as new as it can be having come off from a dead soldier." He gestured towards the corner of the room where the semi-bloodied mess of maneuvering gear was situated. "I know you aren't really fond of the dead being treated as something to scavenge, as most teenagers wouldn't be, but you aren't exactly in the lap of luxury at the moment. Take what you can get, kid."

He stood from his spot and made for the exit. "Get out of here while you can. Titans are all over the place and your friends, Connie and Marco, have been looking for you. They came to help but I suppose I beat them to the punch."

I stood up in a flash, ignoring the pain in my head and the dizziness overflowing me. "Just hang on a second! Who the hell are you and why are you helping me out!?"

He turned to me slowly before his mouth curled into a smile.

"Does that truly concern you? Shouldn't you just be grateful that I even helped you at all?"

"That doesn't matter!" I exclaimed. "What matters is who you are and what you're doing here in this fight!"

"I'm simply helping out in the cause. Although, Eren himself seems to be doing a good job of that himself. Moron actually punched himself in the face like a little bitch. Amazing that Armin could get him up and walking again, but… he's always been one with words. Just like that brother of his."

The last part had been muttered but I could hear it clear as day. "Just what the hell do you know about Armin and his family!?"

His smile faded as he looked away from me. Had I been able to see his eyes I was too sure they'd have been sombre at the moment. Something about him screamed unsafe to me… but also quite trustworthy. He carried himself like a shadow, quiet and unseen, but with a poise for only the nobility. Something about that seemed awfully familiar to me.

But I just couldn't put my finger on it.

He took a breath before answering me. "I know more than you think I know, Jean Kirstein. For instance… I know you're from Trost. That you were a victim to bullying… that your father left you long before you had a chance to know him."

I blanched at this. "H-how…?"

"I know Mikasa lost her parents when she was very young... that she was kidnapped to be a slave to the perverts of the inner walls. I know Eren is the son of a famous doctor who went missing after the fall of Shiganshina. I know his mother was eaten by a smiling titan, that she was bitten in half and swallowed like a cheap candy. And I know Armin Arlert is the son of a Survey Corps member and a house mother who tried to leave the walls… and were killed for it."

I shook my head at the man, feeling my stomach churn. "How- how could you possibly know any of this? Who are you!?"

The man made for the door, not bothering to answer my question until he had his hand on the doorknob.

"Jean… the most dangerous beings to have ever roamed are humans. We're curious… we're instinctive… and we're ruthless. Watch your back."

And with a swift motion of his hand, he was gone.

But I had a strong feeling that I'd get to see him again… very soon.

* * *

 **(Armin P.O.V)**

I dodged out of the way of another titan, keeping them from Eren as he carried the boulder over towards the hole in the gate. It looked as though that he was struggling slightly, but dammit if he was trying his hardest to get this win for humanity!

It'd taken a lot of time and effort to get Eren out of his comatose state and get him working once again, but even then the boulder was so large and heavy that he was only able to go at a slower pace. This left him open for any titan that wanted him as a snack, so we had to keep them off of him and make sure he didn't die in the process.

A sudden thought crossed my mind as I dodged another hand from the left of me. How many years had it been now since Shiganshina was lost? Five now? Six? And I was only ten when it happened. Ten when I lost my home to them. Ten… when my brother was killed. What happened when Mihael was ten? We'd had a party I think. Matt had been there. And grandmother was still alive. Mihael had been sixteen when he died. Fifteen had been a normal year for him. And now that I was fifteen… I was learning to kill titans.

None of this seemed right to me. It seemed… wrong. And not wrong in the sense that we were watching comrades die, or even that we were killing.

It was wrong because we shouldn't _have_ to be killing. We were only kids. We were supposed to be growing up and finding out who we loved and what we wanted to do with our lives. Instead… we were causing destruction and pain to others.

Why the hell were kids doing this?

I'd been so distracted with my thoughts that I'd barely noticed the hand that had grabbed at me and started lifting me off the ground. When I knew my feet weren't touching the ground I started to wriggle and kick at the hand and scream bloody murder for someone to help.

I watched as Mikasa turned to see me being lifted up and into the titan's mouth, but before she could even react I'd already been dropped into the slimy orifice, quickly sliding down into the throat and desperately trying to wriggle my way out. I was not going to make it though. There was no Eren to help me, and Mikasa had – for once – not been quick enough to help.

This would be my last mission.

I accepted my fate then, and allowed myself to be swallowed…

…

…until something grabbed my hand.

And for a short moment I thought it might have been Eren again.

But when I looked up, all I could see was a hooded figure hanging by his sword that had been stabbed into the titan's throat. The muscles of the neck moved about as if the titan was in pain, but couldn't rid itself of the horrible cause of it.

The hooded figure's nails dug into my wrist. "You ain't dying that easily on me, brother!"

That voice… it couldn't have been…

His sword ripped through the muscle before him as a loud crash echoed through the air. I could only imagine that Eren had completed his task now and that the titans would be upon him.

"Don't just stand there, give me a hand!" He demanded.

I blinked before easily ripping out my sword and stabbing into the throat myself and tearing it to shreds. In a matter of moments we could see daylight and we jumped out of the titan's throat and zipped up to the roof of a building where we'd be safe. From there I shook myself of the shock and fear of what had just happened and ran to help Eren out of his titan body. It'd been a struggle, but in no time he was ripped from the titan's clutches on him and he was free at last.

The hooded man jumped to the ground before me and started inspecting Eren.

When the brunette only gave a short nod of tiredness, the man slapped him to get his attention.

"Oi, if you don't wake up and start walking on those two feet of yours, you're going to regret it!"

That voice sent chills down my spine still. It was too much like…

The sound of wires ripping through the air caught my attention and I looked to see two titans that had been gaining on us had been dispatched by the familiar face of humanity's strongest soldier…

Captain Levi.

He looked over to us and noticed the hooded man beside us.

"Oi, you brats might want to take a step back from him. He isn't what you think he is."

The familiar laugh I'd heard so long ago came presently as the hooded figure looked up at him. "Is that anyway to greet an old friend, Levi?"

"A friend? You have to be joking." Was the captain's response.

Mikasa heard the voice from the hooded figure and I could see the horror in her face. "Armin… who is that?"

Without any more provocation Levi took the chance to call in his team and before long the hooded man was surrounded by blades. In this moment, we saw humanity turn against its own kind out of fear and uncertainty.

The familiar man before me stood up and raised his hands. "Alright, Levi. I suppose I should do the smart thing and hand myself over."

"No…" the shorter man replied, hopping off the titan body. "The smart thing to do now is take off that hood of yours. You had nothing to hide beforehand. So why now?"

"I have certain… features that might give me away to certain people. Like you and your short stature. Must be easy for you to kiss Commander Erwin's tight ass."

Levi's blade went for the neck and stopped just short of a millimetre. "The hood. Now."

It was a long moment of silence before I saw the hooded figure slowly move his hands towards his hood. "If you insist… Captain."

And down came the hood.

It couldn't have been possible. It couldn't have been…

…

…so how was he here?

The blonde hair, the bright blue eyes, and the small smirk on his lips. Everything that had been his trademark back in Shiganshina. But how was he here!? How was he alive!? I saw him… I saw…

The sound of stomping boots came into earshot and I noticed Matt with Commander Pixis in tow.

"Levi, what on earth- " he stopped, seeing the familiar face that he'd fallen for so many years ago. He had no words to say. Too shocked to even speak.

"M- -Mello?" His voice barely above a whisper.

The blonde's smirk widened. "Miss me, Mattie?"


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: Yay, longer chapter!  
**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Mello P.O.V)**

I remember… water. I remember it filling my lungs. I remember drifting for a long time… my head spinning… aching… burning… like I was being eaten alive by fire. It had been so foreign to me. So absolutely new. I can remember seeing a mix of colours behind my eyes. Bright blues mixing with purples and reds. Stars forming at the edges, slowly encompassing my dark world and making everything light again. I didn't know if I was dead or not, but I hadn't cared. I was drifting… I was free… but I couldn't move.

I couldn't stop the drifting.

Then suddenly… I'd stopped drifting. I'd stopped breathing in water. I'd stopped being cold and motionless. I'd been free from the water's grasp…

…but not the fire.

My eyes opened slowly and painfully to see raindrops falling upon my face. My head burned like it'd been branded not long ago. I saw the grey clouds through the dark green of leaves, and the slight wind making them rock back and forth. I felt the dirt beneath me as my fingers curled and my legs move ever so slightly. I could hear rain spattering against water, and short waves hitting my underside. All the while my body shivered and shook from the cold surroundings, yet my head stayed ablaze. I knew something was wrong…

A warm liquid fell over my left eye and I found the cause of the blazing heat. Something had happened to my head…

…

…but what?

I'd pulled myself off the ground, covering my wound with my sleeve. I'd clamoured my way up onto my feet and began walking. Each step becoming more and more painful as I tried to direct myself from the forests edge. I'd come to the conclusion that I'd drifted off in the river and had landed onto shore due to the current. Thus the reason I was soaking wet and shivering like a dog. But that was the only thing that came to a close with me. The rest of it… I had no idea about.

I didn't know my name… I didn't know where I came from, who I'd been with, how my head had gotten such a massive wound. I couldn't remember where I lived or who my family was, or even my own age. The only thing that repeated in my mind was a sunset over am insanely high wall. I don't know why it had, but the thought of it had scared me immensely. Enough so that I'd shook the thought of it from my mind and continued forward. The last thing I needed was to think about things that would scare me even more than not knowing who I was or where I was going. I needed to keep going forward, to keep making my path and seeing where it lead me.

I'd finally found the other side of the forest and discovered a road that lead onward to what I assumed would have been a town.

Just as I'd began walking I'd heard a cart pull up and stop beside me.

"Oi, kid!" Came a gruff voice. "Where ya headin'?"

I blinked at the question, unsure about it myself. "I… I don't know, sir."

His dark eyes looked me over, judging something that I was unclear about. When he gave a curt nod of approval, he asked me what my name was.

I paused at this, not sure if I could answer the question. There were many names that crossed my mind, some more fitting than others, but by the end of it I could only shake my head at the man.

"I'm sorry, sir, but… I have no recollection of what my name is."

His chapped lips turned into a smirk before he gestured towards the seat next to him. "Hop aboard then. I'm sure we'll figure it out on the way into the city."

"The city?" I questioned.

"Oh, bugger, have you forgotten _everything_!?" He exclaimed. "Ya must've hit that head o' yers pretty hard there. C'mon then, we'll get ya settled in with Lord Anders."

"W-who's he?" I questioned out of fear.

The man grumbled. "A noble in the capital who may have some… uses for you. Now get on!"

I dared not question him further and hurriedly made my way onto the wagon. I needed medical attention anyway and if I could get a ride into the city and get some help then that would have been perfect.

If only I knew what I'd actually gotten myself into.

We'd travelled for about an hour before we'd gotten into the city, but when I'd explained to the man that I needed a doctor to look over my wound, the man ignored me and continued onward to Lord Anders home. From this, I could only assume I'd gotten myself into a terrible situation.

We got to an estate, a drawbridge lowering to let us in due to the moat, and from then on I was treated like a ragdoll. The man grabbed me and threw me to the ground, the guards of the estate taking me by the arms and forcing me up towards the man of the estate, tying my hands behind me, where I was presented to him along with several females and some young boys.

The man of the estate, Lord Anders, was a well-dressed elder noble with clothes made of red and gold silk. He had a hungry look in his grey eyes that made me quite nervous, and more than once I'd wanted to slap his dirty grin off his face. This man was the epitome of scum, and I'd barely even met him at all. But seeing as how he was eyeing up the boys and young ladies, I could only tell that I was here for a whole other reason than merely shelter from the cold.

His eyes finally found me and he was immediately interested.

"Bertram, why bring me this little flower? I believe I've made it clear I only wished for younger boys."

The man who had brought me here, Bertram was his name, pushed me forward and to the ground, my knees scarping against gravel. "I understand, my lord, but just look at him! Fair and lovely, with a hint of animalistic to him. His eyes scream an innocence that no young boy could ever provide for you! And why is that? Because he has no memory of his sins! The boy's been wiped of all his memories!"

"Oh? Is that right?" The lord become interested now. "Well, I can see why. It looks as though someone shot him in the head. The bullet wound reaches all the way to his ear."

Is that what happened to me? Had I been shot?

The lord kneeled down to look me in the eye, grabbing at my cheeks to turn my head and assess my looks.

"Do you at least know your name, boy?" He asked.

 _"Mello!"_ Came a scream behind my eyes.

My head spun at this and I blinked the pain away. Something about that name… drew me out of the dark and forgotten world. Ever so slightly though it may have been, at least I had a name.

"M…Mello… sir." I answered quietly.

The lord looked to his guards. "Please take Mello to the infirmary and have him stitched up and ready for tonight." He then looked at the man that brought me here. "Congratulations, Bertram. You've made a sale."

The guards picked me up off the ground and pushed me towards the infirmary. My mind whirled with what disgusting plans the lord had in store for me…

…

…and more than anything I wished I could remember something from my past. If only so I could think about something else.

* * *

 ** _Two Years Later_**

* * *

It was a few more thrusts before the lord actually came inside me, and a few more after that before I was released and left to wallow in my own self-pity, naked and aching from his roughness. He preferred me above any of the other whores he had, simply because I'd stopped complaining a long time ago. Stopped trying to escape.

Stopped feeling.

He'd fed me, called me his favourite, had had me close to him at all times even when other lords were present. The only time he didn't want me around was when the Commanders were snooping around. He had his reputation to keep around Mitras, and therefor had me locked away in the cellar whenever there was a Commander within his building. I hadn't cared… I hadn't thought more of it than a way to please my master.

And after two years – with still no recollection of who I was and where I'd come from – of being a sex slave to that man… I'd become numb.

It wasn't as bad as the others made it out to be. I was fed, I was paid, and I was allowed to walk freely around the estate. Of course, I was only allowed to do this because I came at every beckoned call. I stood bent over any desk, I stripped when asked, and more than anything I never tried to get away. I was the one whore in his service that didn't mind being a whore.

And that was only because I had nowhere else to go.

Lord Anders paid me handsomely, but I never did anything with the money. I stored it away for another time. When I could feel again and begin to realize who I was. Besides this, Lord Anders dressed me in the finest clothes he had. Granted most of them were too goddamn colourful for my liking, but the darker clothes or the leather he spent a fortune on were the best in my own opinion. And as long as I was happy – or so Anders believed – the more I fed his fetishes and lustful desires.

I finally picked myself off the bed, having counted to a thousand to pass the time and make sure Anders was far enough away at this point, and began dressing in my expensive clothing. I didn't much like wearing silk, thinking the fabric was to constricting, but Lord Anders wanted me present at a dinner tonight and I had to look my best.

As I was dressing, a knock came at the door and an unfamiliar face soon popped in to check on me.

He'd been hired yesterday. Ryuzaki, I think his name was. He didn't do much other than set tables and make quick little snacks for my lord, but something about him seemed off.

Like he was from another world than the one I'd lived in…

…if this were that world at all.

"Mello, correct?" He asked and I nodded.

He soon shut the door behind him and strode up to me, his eyes judging but not glazed over with want or desire like the other men here. No, he was genuinely curious about me. And for some odd reason… I felt happy about this.

He kneeled down to look me in the eye as I sat on the bed. "How long have you been here?"

"Two years." I answered mechanically, having all but heard these questions before.

"That's quite a long time. Why have you stayed?"

That was a new question, but still my voice remained the same. "I have nowhere else to be. I'm forgotten… I _have_ forgotten."

"But you can remember… can't you? If you just take the time. And I doubt very much that you've been forgotten, Mello."

He stood up then, and turned towards the door.

"Anders final dinner will be tonight. If you wish to join me and have a real home… then make it aware that you've joined us."

I knew exactly what he was planning, but was unsure about how he'd pull it off. "What will you do to him?"

He looked over at me with dead and furious eyes. "That can be up to you. You have until nine to make a decision."

And with that he made his exit. Why he told me his plan I had no idea, and I doubt that I'd ever know. But something inside of me woke up then that made my heart skip a beat. Something… infuriating.

The dinner had started fifteen minutes before nine, and more than a dozen nobles had shown up to eat and b merry. It disgusted me to see so many people that were alright with Anders little whores, but there wasn't much I could do about the matter.

Humans were a disgusting breed.

I'd known this since the day I'd been brought here. I'd learned first-hand that humans were nothing more than savages that preyed upon the weak and made fools of those in desperate need. It was very rare to find those that actually cared about one another… that would actually sacrifice themselves for others. But the reality of the matter was no human wanted to give up their lives. It was a last resort matter or a cowardly deed done by those who wanted to live no more. Lord Anders was the biggest coward of all though. He'd purposefully blamed others for human trafficking, had put innocent people into jail and let them either rot in a jail cell… or hang for their untrue crimes.

And that's why Ryuzaki was here.

To _end_ him.

I'd seen it in his eyes the day before. He'd come here for one mission and one mission alone. Not serve… but to destroy.

And now he was offering me an out…

I heard the clinking of a glass and we all turned to see Lord Anders with his wine goblet in the air and a smirk on his face.

"Tonight I dedicate this dinner to a lovely human being who has made these past few years my greatest adventure. Though I may have paid for his services in the beginning, he has become my most trusted companion… and loving partner. And I do mean _loving_ , am I right gents!"

The men at the table all cheered for him while the ladies laughed.

Anders quieted them down and stood from his seat. "But in all seriousness… Mello has become one of my greatest investments. And I'd love nothing more than to share my fortune with him." He then stood me up and brought me close, digging into his pocket for something. "The law will be changed so that males may have the same love and life as any normal couple would in the next year, and so I ask of you," he kneeled down on one knee, bringing out a ring. "Mello, will you stay with me and become my companion? As any woman could have been?"

The crowd's cheers and whoops of delight were muted by a memory from my past. A surprising and old memory from a time long before this.

A male voice ripped through my shattered memories.

 _"I don't have the money for a ring, and I can't ever be the hero your father was, but dammit Mello… I love you. And I want you here with me for always and eternity!"_

 _"Matt, I…"_

 _"I love you, Mello. Please don't forget that. Even if you say no right now, I will still love you… forever and ever."_

 _"…I love you too, Matt…"_

And just as it came it faded away. A memory with no picture, but familiar voices.

 _'Matt…'_ I thought coldly. _'Matt… was… he is- my fiancé.'_

The crowd had gone quiet, awaiting my answer. But to anyone who knew me, knew…

…they knew…

…

…that I belonged to someone else…

…

…to Matt.

I felt my heart skip a beat as I took my wine glass, grinning slightly at my new memory, holding it above towards the other nobles as the clock struck nine. They cheered at the supposed answer, clapping at what they thought was our engagement…

…

…then screamed in horror as I broke the glass against the table and swiftly jammed it into the throat of my captor.

While they ran out of the room in a frenzy, smoke began to fill the halls as I assumed Ryuzaki had already began with his plan to make sure Anders' body was found burnt and decrepit.

I leaned in to glare into Anders' dying and terrified eyes. He tried to scream but his voice had been all but destroyed by the glass that had been shoved into his neck.

"I was never yours to begin with, pig."

I pulled the broken glass from him bleeding throat and tossed it away. I then walked out of the estate with people and other whores scrambling to be free. When we were out, I found Ryuzaki waiting for me by a cart, holding onto a dark cloak.

He handed me the cloak and I quickly put it on, raising my hood.

"I come from Haven, Mello. A place far beyond these confines. There I will teach you how to fight. You'll be fed three meals a day, no more no less, and will be trained by myself and Naomi Misora. Is this a fair deal for you?"

I nodded. "Anything's better than winding up back here or with the Military Police for murder. Let's go."

And with that, we were on our way to Ryuzaki's home in Haven. I'd looked back to see the fire the man had started engulf the entire estate, and I couldn't help the small grin that surfaced. If the military investigated, there would be no trace of him.

Mello was dead to the world… yet again.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Yay, longer chapter!  
**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Armin P.O.V)**

I couldn't believe what was happening. My brother, who I'd seen shot right in the head and fall to his watery death, was alive and facing trial for acts of murder and arson. What had he been doing these past five years that had warranted him to commit these crimes? If he even committed them at all!

I didn't get to see him in his cell, but Matt had said that he was fine and that he'd be looking out for him. As for Eren, neither I nor Mikasa could see him until the trial where he would be sharing the courtroom with my brother. This whole ordeal was causing me to go insane, and it didn't help that I had to be a key witness in both trials. One to make sure that Eren was of no threat, and the other to make Mello look better than he was at the moment. But I couldn't explain exactly why he'd been missing for so long or why he'd committed these atrocious acts. The only thing I could do was account for his supposed murder and the years before then.

There wasn't much help I could afford.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked to see Mikasa giving me a sympathetic look. "It'll be alright, Armin. Your brother isn't a bad person. There has to be some mistake here."

I blinked at her before looking down at my feet. "No… I know he could be guilty of murder. But to think that he'd been the one to kill Lord Anders? I don't know what would make him end a noble's life. He could be hanged for this!"

"Doubtful." Came another voice.

I turned to see Matt joining my side before turning towards the court. "I've been talking with Mello. Believe me when I say he won't hang for any of what happened."

Before I could ask him why he was so sure about that, the doors to the courtroom opened and I watched as Mello walked in with his arms chained behind him and soldiers holding him in place. The next to enter had been Eren, who was quickly chained to a post to keep him from going titan on us. I doubt it would really help in the long run, but they just had to be careful.

The Commander in Chief, Darrius Zackly, made his presence known and sat at the bench where he could deliberate on the situations.

He read over his papers for a moment before looking at the two people on trial. "State your names."

"Eren Yeager." The brunette answered.

Mello didn't answer. He stood there in silence, as though he were waiting for something to come around.

"State your name." The Commander demanded once again.

The blonde looked up at him with daggers. "Mello…"

"Your full name, for the record." A man from across the way demanded. By the symbol on his jacket and the bolo tie he wore, I could assume he was Commander Nile Dok of the Military Police. He was here for Mello's arrest and to obtain Eren.

I hoped that he wouldn't get either.

Mello's eyes rolled. "Mihael Keehl, son of Selena Keehl and Memphis Arlert. Anything more, your majesty?" He mocked.

"Boy, I'd watch that tongue of yours!" Nile demanded. "The Military Police have some pretty good aim, and we could get you another bullet wound to match that one on your head!"

"Get fucked, Commander." Mello said offhandedly.

"You bastard-!"

Zackly tapped the bench for order before proceeding with the trials.

"Mihael Keehl; you stand trial for the murder of the elite noble Dimitri Anders. How do you plead?"

"Guilty." He admitted.

The courtroom was in a hail of whispers before Zackly leaned forward and rested his head on his hands. He seemed rather… intrigued with the circumstances.

"I've read from your personal file that you were born in Shiganshina, were there when the titans got through, and were supposedly killed by a Garrison member. He stood trial for your murder, pleading not guilty until your brother, Armin Arlert, stood in as a witness for this trial. Was this just a ruse? Are your family against the society that lives within these walls? Are you a part of the attack on Wall Maria?"

Mello growled. "First and foremost, Commander, I was acting on my own this entire time. My family has nothing to do with what happened in Shiganshina, or to Lord Fuck-face and his band of cowardly dogs! The truth of the matter is that when I was shot my senses got knocked out of me and for the past five years I've been living with amnesia. That's why I didn't return until just a few weeks ago."

Amnesia? Was that true?

The blonde straightened up a bit. "And as for Lord Anders, why don't you take a long look into his file and see the many reports of human trafficking and sex scandals that have been written off due to a few 'charitable offers' to the Military Police."

Zackly turned to a nervous looking Nile Dok. "Is this true?"

Nile cleared his throat before standing up a bit straighter. "It is true we went to investigate the so called rumours of Mr. Anders…"

"Yet you didn't even look in the cellar where we were situated." Mello interrupted. "You didn't look in the bedrooms or the kitchen. No, you came, did a bit of a look around, took your blood money, then left without a second thought. Why don't you tell them about the boys that were there?! The little girls the man kidnapped and raped without any hesitation! Why don't you tell them how your own soldiers stopped by and paid for my services! Get them out here and I can tell you which ones tied me down and fucked me into submission!"

I was appalled to hear this from my own brother. To hear he'd been treated as a sex slave and forced to service men, in the Military Police no less, and then be holed up and left behind. How dare the military allow this to happen!? HOW DARE THEY!?

Zackly narrowed his eyes at the Commander of the MPs. "The truth, Nile."

The man slouched slightly before taking a breath. "Yes, we investigated the home. And more than once my men were paid to go away. I had no knowledge of younger boys and girls being kidnapped and used like… that. Most of my reports came out negative, and I am at fault for not following up on them as the reports piled up." He then looked up at Mello with a daring look in his eye. "But that doesn't excuse the fact that Mr. Keehl did in fact murder Lord Anders."

"I have my rights as a citizen to take control of the matter if I feel threatened or at a disadvantage due to overwhelming circumstances." He stated bluntly. "The people of Wall Sina, Wall Rose, and Wall Maria, have the right to withhold a human, or indeed end their lives, if the guilty party has a witness to the occurrences. My witness is with us today."

"Indeed I am," came a voice form up in the stands.

I looked up to find three unfamiliar faces staring down at the blonde. One with black hair and light skin, with a bit of a hunch to his stance, another dressed fully in white, a bit shorter, and crisp white hair to go with his already white… everything. And then last was an elder man in an expensive looking coat and hat. All three, I could tell, did not hail from the same place we did.

The man with black hair jumped down from his spot and landed beside Mello, quiet as a cat, before he began once again.

"I was hired by Lord Anders for menial tasks a day before his judgement. I'd born witness to the horrific acts he bestowed upon children and other women, but none more than Mello himself. The Lord favoured the blonde more than anyone, and never once had I heard Mello agree to the acts that he went through. He was expected to strip, to be a doll, and to stay as a prisoner in a glorified cage. Had he not acted sooner… then I would have."

Zackly leaned back in his chair and looked back at the blonde. "He's a friend of yours?"

"My teacher, so-to-speak." He admitted. "He cared for me after the estate went up in flames. He helped me bring my memory back. When I remembered what had happened to me… when I'd been shot… I raced back here as fast as I could. I expected to find my family and reunite with them… but all I found was Trost in ruins."

"And so you helped out in the struggle to reclaim it?"

Mello nodded. "Yes sir."

The Commander in Chief hummed at this before turning towards the witness stand. "Is Armin Arlert with us at the moment?"

"Yes sir." I answered.

He picked up a sheet of paper. "In this report you said that a hooded man, your brother Mihael, came to your rescue after being swallowed by a titan. You claimed he had gear of his own that he used to get you out of the titan's throat. Is this true?"

"Yes sir." I repeated. "My brother… cares very deeply for his family."

"And you had no idea that he'd been alive for these past five years?"

"No sir, I did not."

He put down the report and looked me in the eye. "Can you please explain to the court Mr. Keehl's interesting… habits? His personality, if you will."

I looked towards my brother, who was looking at me intently. Waiting for something that might turn this whole situation into a bloody mess. But, what could I say that hadn't already been proven?

"He's… brash. And as proven, a bit crude and disrespectful to some authority figures." I paused, listening to the whispers. "But I don't blame him for being so. I mean… the Garrison harassed him constantly back in Shiganshina, and he'd been used and abused beforehand by nobles and even the MPs. But that doesn't mean he hates humanity enough to not come to our rescue. He saved me, when he didn't have to. He didn't fight the Survey Corps when they took him in, and even now he plead guilty to the murder of a man who used him as a slave! Is he disrespectful? Yes. But he's not above letting innocent people die."

I then thought about the short story I'd read to the cadets back in our training days. The first one I'd read to them that caught everyone's attention.

"' _But each dark and soulless night, each shadowy figure we see before drifting off, there is a light to look forward to among the hours.'_ Mello wrote these words in a journal he left behind. I wasn't sure I fully understood them until this moment. My brother isn't a saint… but he isn't against us in any way. He's here to help. And I can promise you that with his help… we can take back Shiganshina and Wall Maria."

Silence filled the room and I could see Mello smiling at me. He seemed relatively happy to see me still on his side despite everything he'd put me through… even if he hadn't meant to do so in the first place.

I noticed a hand raise and Zackly addressed Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps.

"Commander, I would like to propose that we drop all charges on Mihael Keehl and induct him into the Survey Corps. It is my understanding that Mihael has travelled outside the walls and can be an asset to us against the titans. It is clear that he knows enough about the laws of our society to have indeed taken Lord Anders' fate into his own hands, and furthermore – knowing the Military Police shirked their duties in protecting more than a fair share of our citizens – they have no right to hang him for a crime that was not simply a crime. Mihael's father was once part of the Survey Corps himself, and somewhere in the back of his rattled and forgotten memories, he was aware of the law and how to use it to his advantage. If only for his father's sake, let him join up in the military and allow him to make a better mark than this."

The Commander in Chief took a breath before looking over to Mihael. "I've heard enough. Step forward, Mihael."

The blonde stood before his judge, standing a bit straighter.

"Mihael Keehl, I find you not guilty on all charges, on the account of self-defence. You are free to go."

"Is the offer still open to join the Survey Corps?" He asked as the guards unchained him.

"That is for Commander Erwin to decide. For now, you are free to leave."

The blonde only shrugged as he and his dark haired friend made their way over to Captain Levi and Commander Erwin. "Better than being hanged."

"Please leave the courtroom." Commander Nile Dok demanded, annoyed at having been beaten by my own brother.

Mello only smirked. "Why? Scared I might do something?"

"You've done quite enough, Keehl." Dok replied. "And we have to get on with the business of that traitor!"

"Who?" He looked over to Eren. "Yeager? A traitor? You must be on something highly illegal to think Yeager is a traitor. And if you are… where can I buy some?"

Mikasa looked over to me. "What the hell is he doing? Now he's just getting cocky!"

"No…" I whispered back, "he's playing the game. Watch."

I knew Mello well enough that when he got cocky he knew something more than we did. Which could only mean that he knew how to get Eren out of being dissected for the Military Police.

Mello walked over to Nile Dok and leaned in on the railing, looking him in the eye. "Have you listened to anything we've been saying here, Dok? I'm from Shiganshina, I knew Eren's parents, and I know what he's about. Were he a traitor don't you think he would've acted a lot sooner than this? And even more… do you really think he'd help seal up the hole in Trost? You're so fucking scared that you aren't thinking correctly here!"

Mello then strode over to a frightful looking Eren and grabbed at his hair, pulling his head up for the people to get a better look at his face. "Yeager is far from dangerous, and you'd know this if you paid even the slightest bit of attention to his actions."

"Step away from the shifter!" A gunman demanded. "It's too dangerous, you're out of line!"

Mihael dropped Eren's head. "Shoot him."

The crowd went quiet at this and I felt Mikasa still at those words. There was definitely something Mihael was seeing that the rest of us couldn't. But the more I thought about it… the more his actions were starting to make sense.

Mello rolled his eyes again and looked up to the rafters where his companions were. "Near, hand it over."

The little white ball that was supposed to be human, though I doubt any human was purely white like a snowflake, dropped a handgun and Mello caught it with ease.

"Well, if you're too coward to do it." He addressed the gunman before pointing the gun at Eren and firing a shot into his shoulder.

The boy screamed in pain and writhed about on the floor, unable to move his arms. Mikasa tried to jump over the railing to get to the brunette, but I stopped her and whispered to her about the point Mello was making. With this, she calmed down… however slightly it was.

"Mihael! It's too dangerous to just shoot him like that!" Nile exclaimed. "He could turn into a titan!"

Just then, a certain captain kicked the brunette in the face and knocked out a tooth. Levi had joined in the frenzy, having seen what Mello was trying to tell them through his actions.

"Nile," the captain said in his monotonous voice, "weren't you going to make an argument about cutting him up and dissecting him?"

"That seems rather pointless." Mello stated. "I mean… I've already proven you could shoot him and he wouldn't change. I can't say cutting him would be different, but you seem to be making all the wrong arguments in these trials. If I didn't know any better…" The blonde smirked. "I'd say you were a moron."

Mello's companion with the black hair looked up at the man. "My student is making some excellent points, Commander. You'd be better off leaving Yeager to the Survey Corps. At least with them, you'll know if he gets out of line Levi, or even my own student Mello, could take him down. Why delay this any further when you know investigations need to be done on your Military Police first?"

"You both make an excellent point." Zackly said as he gave a sideways glare at the MP Commander. "So I suppose my decision has already been made. Eren Yeager, you will be handed over to the Survey Corps and watched over by Captain Levi and Mihael Keehl. Court is now dismissed."

I chuckled to myself as I turned to Matt. "You knew this was going to happen the entire time, didn't you?"

Matt only smiled. "Levi and Mello got to talking in his cell. Turns out neither of them wanted Eren in the MP's custody."

"So this was all planned out." I stated as I shook my head. "Of course it was, this is Mello we're talking about. He could always get out of trouble."

"Same old, same old." Matt agreed.

I nodded. "Same old, same old."


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N:**_ _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Jean P.O.V)**

It was hard to believe but Mello was alive and well, and more than anything… he was insane.

And I didn't mean that as a slight. The man was literally as insane as one could be after the hell he was put through. Armin had said he'd been a sex slave to the late Lord Anders, had lost his memory and had been wandering about for five years unknowing of who he was and where he'd be going, lived outside the wall in god knows what kind of conditions with a frog-man and a human snowflake, and had been trained as a master assassin. The man had gone through hell and back, climbing out from its depths with scars covering his every inch.

And yet, through all this, he still had the love and affection he had for his brother that Armin had been proud to see in him like before. Hugging and keeping the younger blonde as close to him as he could.

Mello hadn't really been what I expected when Armin spoke about him. I imagined a taller, bulkier blonde, with a soft and hopeful face. Instead, he was shorter and scrappier, with a fiery look in his eyes that screamed a loss of innocence from past horrors. Still, with all that, it was easy to see why he'd been harassed so much back in Shiganshina. Despite his obvious masculine features, such as the Adams apple and slight bulge in his pants, he was thin and graceful in his movements, each step was like he was walking on air. He and Armin shared this trait respectively, though Armin was much more effeminate due to his larger and more hopeful eyes.

Another thing about his brother, which I noticed almost instantly due to his less-than-liberal amount of clothes, was his lack of filter. I'd been told that Levi was bad when it came to his words, crude and appalling, but Mello all-around didn't give a shit what people thought or cared about him. His clothes were tight and form fitting, his waist showing slightly, and his attitude was less than respective. I believe I heard him calling Captain Levi a 'Captain shit-for-brains' when Armin asked him about what his impressions were of him.

I leaned back in my seat and admired at how close the two were. After graduation, and choosing our new jobs, we had one night to pack our things and be ready for the morning. And, after all I'd said about wanting to join up in the Military Police…

…

…I chose the Survey Corps.

I could simply say I did so out of Marco's sake, but that wasn't true. The truth was… Mello had been right about the Survey Corps. Though most of them were suicidal assholes with a determinant to help humanity, they were about the only soldiers in the whole Military who spoke the truth about anything that they did. They killed titans… and people died for the human race to live on. Meanwhile the MPs allowed innocent children to be abducted and used as sex slaves for a perverted noble, and the Garrison tried to cover up a murder.

Mello was right… the human race was a disgusting breed. And those that were honest were usually part of the Survey Corps.

What a shame that the honest people are the ones who die all the time.

Mello left not long after the graduation ceremony to catch up with Matt a bit more. The two hadn't seen each other aside from the jail cell and the courtroom so I imagined that they wanted some alone time. Though I doubted there was much alone time to be had at a training ground full of past trainees.

Armin soon joined me at my table, a look of questioning in his eyes. "So what made you change your mind?"

"Hmm…" I answered, only halfway aware of my surroundings due to a few drinks numbing my senses. "You mean about the MPs?"

He nodded. "What made you decide to join us?"

I bit at my lip before taking another swig of alcohol. "Nothin' special. I just think if I'm going to die… I might as well make a good snack for my killers."

Just as I was about to fill my mug again the blonde took my hand and lead me from the room filled with people and out into the cool night air. It would be a long while before winter set in, but dammit if the nights weren't still freezing cold. I had a hard time believing anyone up north really dealt with this day in and day out, or with even colder weather.

Or… maybe I was just weak.

Armin dragged me over towards an empty bonfire that wasn't being occupied by drunken soldiers celebrating their graduation as if none of their comrades were just killed. There were a total of seven bonfires, and since most of the soldiers weren't in the mood to really celebrate there were a few unoccupied ones where we could talk freely.

"Jean," Armin spoke up once he let go of me to warm his own hands. "Why are you here? Why did you join the Survey Corps? I thought you wanted to live comfortably behind the walls without having to kill any titans."

I grumbled as I warmed my own hands. "Plans change, Arlert. And the biggest change was seeing most of my friends and allies die for no reason. It's… unfair."

"Be honest with me, Jean. Was it because of Marco? Because he… you know…"

I hated how knowing the blonde was when it came to this shit, but it made my job in being truthful a lot easier. I was a pretty honest guy most of the time, but there were some things I just didn't like talking about.

I nodded, not daring to look him in the eye. "It's not as noble as wanting to help out humanity like the rest of you, but I just don't want them and their sacrifices to be forgotten. It's not fair to them."

"I think that's pretty noble," the blonde said quietly. "And knowing how strongly you felt about them in the beginning… knowing you've grown a bit of respect for them, means a lot to people like myself and Matt. Mello even respects them, if you can believe it."

"I heard he's joining up with them. And bringing Matt along with him." I commented, hoping to change the topic a bit.

He chuckled at this. "Mello doesn't leave Matt's side for just anything. Quite literally he would have to have been murdered to part with him. They love each other, and not just in a physical way. The two of them have always been connected at the hip, always been together through thick and thin. I think when Matt lost Mello… it killed a part of him. I see it in the way he looks at him now, he's less pale and more… excited. Like when we were all younger."

"Must've been nice before the fall." I commented, instantly regretting it. "I mean… I didn't- !"

He waved his hand at the mention of the ruined town. "Forget about it. We'll reclaim it soon enough. We just have to work hard and push ourselves to bring back what's rightfully ours. And soon after… push beyond the boundaries of these walls."

"Well, I just hope I'm there to send you off when that happens." I said morbidly. "Who knows… this might be my last month to live."

"So live it up, then." He pressured, looking up into my eyes. "We'll be soldiers of the Survey Corps soon, which means our duties don't lead far beyond a few menial tasks at headquarters where Eren's being holed up. First time soldiers don't have much breaks, but they're a hell of a lot more than what the Garrison or MPs got. We could do a lot in those times."

"You think?" I humoured the blonde, chuckling a bit.

He nodded. "I'm sure of it."

I sighed slightly before smiling at him. "Alright then, blondie. Our first break day you have full rights to get me out of lounging about and wasting my time before I die."

" _If_ you die." He reminded as he turned back to the warm flames. "And I'll make a mental note about that."

I chuckled once again before we fell into a comfortable silence. Armin really was smarter than people gave him credit for, and he was proving to be quite the companion.

And I was immensely happy to see him still alive and walking after Trost.

* * *

 **(Mello P.O.V)**

"Well I think they're cute." Matt argued, his same old smile on his face. "You worry too much."

I only grumbled as I watched my brother and Jean from atop the shower roof with a look of concern. Jean had proven to be a trusted ally in the Trost campaign and had more than proven his abilities as a fighter with his gear. What I didn't like seeing was my little brother getting closer to him, though I could safely say he was a lot better than Eren was. Perhaps it was because I didn't like seeing him so much older now, flirting away with someone the same way I used to do with Matt. The shy turn of his head, curtaining his face with his hair to add mystique, not being touchy but still being close. And even more, with how comfortable he was with merely talking to Kirstein, I was less than pleased to see him in this light.

Matt was thoroughly enjoying it.

"I wouldn't really call this flirting anyway, Mello." He reasoned. "Armin's always been naturally shy around others and he and Jean have been friends for quite a while now. I've been hearing rumours that he and Eren were 'more than close' anyway. I think you have your concerns on the wrong person here."

I looked over to the red head and crossed my arms. "Believe me when I say that my concerns are well placed. Like what happened to those experimental titans."

"Ah, yes… Sonny and Bean. Hanji was distraught for three days, the poor girl."

"But do you know who killed them?" I asked.

He only shrugged. "I'm in the dark about that. All I can tell you was that it was done with precision and by someone who does NOT want us to know anything more about the titans."

That was just it though. Who in their right minds wanted to stop the progression of finding out more about titans? I'd asked Near and L this question, and both had agreed that the person was someone quiet and unassuming. Someone who wasn't monitored in the MPs or the Garrison. So then… who was it?

The questions were forming in my mind, obviously showing in my face seeing as how Matt reacted with a hand to my cheek.

"You're still Mello." He said lovingly before leaning in for a kiss.

I happily accepted him and kissed him back, our lips meshing together in the same familiar way they had years prior. I was happy to have my memories of him back most of all, knowing it'd been him that kept me sane in my youth. His love, his kisses, and everything in between and beyond had kept me from losing my mind completely.

And I planned to prove to him just how much I still cared when we got to the Recon Corps headquarters. I'd been notified that my very own room had been prepped and readied, and I didn't plan on staying there alone.

His lips moved to my jaw and I revelled in his touches.

"Impatient, are we?"

Matt only moaned at this, moving his lips downward towards my neck.

I pulled him away from me before taking his hand. "At least find somewhere private for us before you start making any moves."

His chest heaved with each tantalizing breath. "These damned brats are everywhere though!"

"Well then, you'll have to wait until we're at headquarters." I said as I dropped his hand and walked passed him with a smug look on my face.

Matt grumbled. "You just _love_ teasing me, don't you?"

"I think of it as more… the quiet before the storm, if you catch my drift."

Matt soon smirked at me. "Well, as long as that storm's hot, wet, and wild, I guess I can handle waiting."

"Ever the charmer." I muttered, feeling Matt on my heels. "I just hope Armin doesn't have to deal with someone as 'charming' as you."

A pair of lips on my cheek made me grin. "You know you love me."

I kissed him back. "Like a hangnail, Matt."


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N: Bah, working with puppies is tiring! My chapter rate might slow down a bot due to this, but I'll keep writing!**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Armin P.O.V)**

Mello was lucky to have Matt. Even after all the time that they spent apart, nothing changed between them. Mello still loved Matt, and Matt still loved Mello. It made me happy to see that they still cared, that they still took time out of their daily lives to spend time with each other. And even after everything Mello went through, he didn't close himself off to the red head. He was still utterly devoted to him in every way shape and form.

But, despite them being happy, I couldn't help but be a little envious.

Mello was so lucky to have found someone who was so devoted that he stayed true to him and didn't find anyone else. And when I saw this connection between them… I couldn't help but long for the same. I enjoyed having the friends that I did, but almost everyone at my age began to think of companionship beyond just friendship. I'd even begun a bit of searching on my own accord but no one really stood out to me.

Connie was nice but way below my standards in terms of intelligence, and Sasha was no different. If anything those two belonged together in my eyes.

Reiner was a current crush at the moment, but seeing as how he never left Bertolt's side it made it seem a bit awkward to start up something with him. He was handsome enough, and dammit if I didn't fall for a guy with nice strong arms, but there was just something… off about him. Bertolt was also a bit of a crush, but the height difference kind of drew me away. I didn't want to constantly be on my toes just to get a damned hug.

Annie was… nice. But too much like Mikasa for me to really grow attached to her. Mikasa and she always had that look in their eyes that spelled a harsh and unneeded coldness, and I didn't like it.

Krista and Ymir were not on my list, knowing the two were already somewhat of a couple and that they wouldn't notice me anyways. And even if Krista noticed me… Ymir wouldn't like that.

I'd even thought about Eren a little bit as something more than just a best friend, but part of me knew it was just desperation were that the case. Eren was a friend, and nothing more. Besides, I'd caught the way he looked at Annie and I could safely say I wasn't what he was looking for.

…

…and then there was Jean.

I looked up from my bowl of soup and glanced over at the guy sitting not far from me. I couldn't say for sure what his feelings were to me, and I could barely make any sense of my feelings towards him. But the one thing I knew was that he was smart, attentive, and easy to get along with if you knew how to talk to him. Eren didn't see that side in him, but I sure did. I could also see in him the past he lived through and his own hell that he had to deal with. He hid this behind a mask of bravado and self-centeredness. The truth of the matter was though, he was just as scared and human as the rest of us. He just didn't know how to voice this fear to others without ruining the wall he'd built up. But if there was one thing I knew about walls… it was that they were bad.

I hoped he realized that himself soon enough.

We heard the stomping of boots not far from us in the common-room with two familiar voices mixing in with them.

"Look out," Connie said happily as he turned towards the commotion. "The show's about to begin!"

Indeed.

Captain Levi's squad member, Oluo was his name, walked in with his hands balled into fists as Mello trailed in behind him nagging to him about his incapability as a soldier because of his childish way of copying Levi. Mello had been doing this to pretty much all the squad members, heckling and berating them when they were trying to do their work. It was only on occasion did he take time to berate Levi himself, but the guy didn't seem to care either way. Eren would usually cringe when that happened, waiting for Mello to take a sword to the face, but it never happened.

"And furthermore," Mello continued, smiling wickedly as he picked up an apple from the table and took a bite out of it, "you really should look into some riding lessons. Last I heard you bit your tongue because you weren't paying attention."

"For fucks sake, shut up!" The man demanded, being out of his Levi-esque manner to command Mello from using his voice.

But, if he hadn't learned by now, the only way you could ever get the blonde to leave you alone, is to ignore him. Even then it's a bit of a fruitless task. Mihael hadn't always been so talkative in our youth, but when he figured out how much he could get away with… you were damned from the beginning.

Mello crossed his arms. "Is that any way to speak to your superior?"

Before Oluo could stutter out an apology to the blonde, Mello shoved the apple in his mouth to stop him from speaking.

"Ah, don't bother. I'm not a fan of begging and you look like the kiss-arse type of soldier so you've got a double negative happening here. Oh… triple. I just remembered how much of a fucking moron you are for copying Levi. Yeah, no… you were fucked from the beginning." He then pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "Go tell Petra you're on stable duty. I trust her judgement over Eren's life than yours."

"And since when were you given permission to command my squad members?" A sudden, monotonous voice asked him.

We all looked to see a bored Levi looking at the two of them with a bit of resentment in his eye. Normally people would be on their knees begging for forgiveness.

Mello… was a different story.

"Need I mention that Oluo got Eren to clean the stables twice now when it was supposed to be his job? Or do I have to mention all the other chores he's skipped out on and made titan-boy do it for him?"

"No, that's quite enough." The angry looking Levi said with a tone of annoyance. "Oluo, stables. And please, don't forget the Commander's stall this time."

"Y-yes sir!" Came the answer and salute before he rushed off to do as asked.

Eren, who was sitting next to me, looked up at Mello with a bit of gratitude. "How did you know…?"

"Please, lurking about in the shadows and gathering notes on your target is lesson number one in the assassin code. Ryuzaki would kill me if I didn't know at least that much. Speaking of which, I don't suppose you've seen him around, Levi?"

"Commander Erwin wanted to see him about the plan for Eren's first mission. Or rather, Ryuzaki insisted on helping him out. I don't much trust it."

"You don't trust anyone or anything." Mello chuckled out, grabbing another apple. "But then… I suppose it's safer to keep your trust to yourself. One thing is clear though, Levi; keep your friends close…"

He tossed the apple to the shorter man, having it being caught easily.

"…and your enemies closer." Levi finished.

Mello smiled at the man before turning towards the door and heading outside, Levi heading in the opposite direction.

"Aw, they're in love!" Reiner joked. "But seriously, did anyone catch that little moment they had there?"

"Yes," I spoke quietly, "and it wasn't what you think. They just have… an understanding."

"What do you mean?" Eren asked.

I only shook my head before standing from my seat and heading for the door. "I'm heading out to the market. Anyone willing to join?"

"Right here," Jean answered, his voice a bit tired. "It's one of our rest days and I believe you told me to live it up before I'm inevitably killed by titans. Well, I'm living it up! Let's go!"

I could hear the hint of sarcasm in his voice, but decided to just humour him.

"Well, let's get going then!" I said happily as I made for the door. I could hear Jean's grumbling following me, but it only made me smile. Jean was actually quite adorable when he was tired and forced to work.

Or maybe it was just his charm.

Eren stood angrily up as we made to leave. "Oi, Jean! What the hell do you think you're doin'?!"

"What, you jealous I'm hanging out with your best friend?" Jean stopped to ask the angry looking Eren. "Come on, it's not like you could join him anyway. You're being watched by the Military and I'm too sure Mikasa doesn't want to leave your side. Do you _want_ him to be alone in an unfamiliar city?"

"That's not my point, horse-face!" Eren said as he stormed his way over to get in his face. "My point is that you're only using him to muzzle in on something! So what is it!?"

"Are you seriously _that_ paranoid, Yeager?" Jean asked as he crossed his arms. "Whatever, I'm done with you for right now. I'm too tired to kick your ass anyhow."

I chuckled at that before resuming our way out the door. "Hasn't he already proven to be a better fighter than you?"

Eren laughed at this while Jean only grumbled. "On the ground maybe, but I'm too sure that in a fight with our gear I'd rule above him."

"Well, considering the first mission he was part of he got eaten…" I remarked as I turned to a very hurt looking Eren. "I'd bet you would be victorious."

"Ouch, thanks for the support, Armin!" Eren called from the doorway.

Jean chuckled at my betrayal. "Wow, you are cold leaving Eren in the dust like that."

"I thought we were in agreement that Eren's not the brightest star in the sky." I mentioned, looking back into the teen's golden eyes. "He's just lucky."

"Lucky?" He questioned. "Pft, must be. Guy gets eaten and comes back from the dead. It has to be luck."

"Or just his titan powers." I reminded.

"That apparently some god gave unto him!" The brunette exclaimed angrily. "It's not fair!"

I sighed. "No it's not."

* * *

"Would you stop it!" I practically giggled out. "People might stare!"

"Like that truly bothers you." Jean replied with a grin as he placed the oversized hat onto my head after trying it on himself. "You don't seem to care when people stare after you gush over a really good book."

"That's different." I said as I pushed the hat away from my eyes, putting it back on the stand before starting our walk again. "You are deliberately trying to make me look like a fool!"

"I'm hurt that you would insinuate that I would put you the seat of a mindless fool." He said as he placed a hand over his chest in woe. "I am simply living my life to the fullest before I am eventually devoured by the evil titans."

"By making me look like a fool." I stated. "Not sure if that's what I meant when I said you should live it up while you can."

"Well, what did you mean?" He asked, not really caring all that much.

"Well, what is it you've always wanted to do in a city like this? Is there something you'd like to buy or look for?"

"Armin, everything I did in Trost is pretty much all I'd wanted to do. But now that you mention buying… could we look for a sketchbook and utensils for drawing? I'm afraid I'm all out of paper at the moment, and I left my pencils back at the training camp."

"Oh? I didn't know you were an artist."

He only shrugged. "I'm not really an artist, more like a… bored teenager with a skill for drawing faces."

"That's how most artists start, Jean." I commented. "Do you think you could show me some works?"

Without a second thought the guy reached into his pack and pulled out a small sketchbook and handed it to me. "These aren't my drawings, just small sketches to keep the idea alive in my head before I work on the real piece."

I opened it up to page one and was amazed to see he was actually quite good at what he did. The shading was nice and fine, the details put into each stance was nice, and every face he drew was almost spot on. He'd drawn everyone from Marco, to Thomas, to even Connie and Sasha. They weren't finished products though since I could see the erase marks and lines through the faces. He took great care in detailing Mikasa's face, but it looked like he got bored about halfway through. My grandfather once told me that when artists truly loved their work they took great time and effort into what they were doing. That's why Mello's writing was so well done. But if they gave up halfway through… it meant something deeper was going on in their heads.

I suppose Jean was no different.

The only people he didn't draw were myself and Eren, but I wasn't too hurt about this. Jean just didn't see anything special, I suppose. I mean… it hurt a bit that he wouldn't care enough to sketch me. But I understood why he was so cold to Eren in this department.

I handed the sketchbook back with a smile. "You have talent, Jean! Why on earth would you join the Military instead of becoming a street artist?!"

He only shrugged as he put his book away. "I guess because I was bullied as a kid for having this… effeminate talent."

"First of all, Jean, it's not effeminate to have a skill in drawing. Most people would kill for a talent as rare and beautiful as drawing. And secondly, you shouldn't hide your gift just because some assholes from your youth said it was emasculating. I used to be bullied for being a heretic and talking about the outside world, but I didn't give up on my dream. I'm still going to leave this place and I'm going to find the sea. Maybe I'll even write a novel about it someday."

"Hmm… I see. Well then, should I actually live to see you fulfill this dream of yours, would you by chance like someone to illustrate your findings?"

I thought about this for a few moments before looking up at him hopefully.

"Tell you what, let's start a little project before I give you an answer."

I grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards a store that sold blank pages of novels and field notes. I let him choose the paper and utensils and I paid for half of everything. With that much being done, I let him in on the little project.

"I've wanted to do something like this for a while now, but I'm not that great of an illustrator." I opened the hardcover book to an empty page. "We'll do a bit of research on the wildlife around headquarters and beyond, taking in the nature and reviewing what we've found. You can practice your art with this, and I can be prepared for later on when I find the sea. And if you impress me, I'll let you join me in cataloguing everything I find."

Jean grinned at this. "You really think above and beyond don't you?"

"Is that a yes or a no?" I asked, pulling out the look I used on Mello whenever I wanted to hear what I wanted. It didn't take much but a small smile and pleading eyes before he caved.

And Jean was no different.

He let out a breath of defeat before he nodded. "Fine, I suppose we can do that. I hope you know I'm only saying yes because of that look of yours."

"Hey, if it works then use it!" I said in a chipper voice before walking past him and on my way to another store. "Now come on! We've still got more stores to visit!"

"You're adorable." He admitted.

That little comment made me blush slightly but I shook it away before looking back. "If I had a copper coin for every time I heard that one."

"Well, you are!" He continued. "Krista is cute, but you're adorable! Everything she does is sweet and everything you do is endearing. No wonder Mello's so protective of you."

I scoffed at this before looking away. "He's protective because I'm small and weak. He just doesn't want to see me get hurt. It has nothing to do with my looks. Besides… not a lot of people look my way."

"You're kidding me, right?" He asked sarcastically. "Have you even noticed the way Reiner gives you side glances? Or what about the way Bertolt used to have all those short conversations with you? Thomas even admitted to me once how cute he thought you were, even knowing you were a guy! Armin, you turn heads more than you think you do, but your nose is pointed to the floor so much you can't even see it."

I couldn't chase the blush away this time. "Y-you're lying. That's kind of cruel, Jean."

He stopped me in my tracks and turned me around by the arm before placing his hands on my shoulders. The look in his eyes was all seriousness, and it partially scared me.

Yet intrigued me.

"I'm not kidding you, Armin. You just don't see it. Or maybe Eren has you believing otherwise. Either way, you had more than your fair share of crushing boys, and even a few females. I know Krista thought you were cute for a while before Ymir started gossiping and lying about some of the boys during our trainee days."

I rolled my eyes at this. "That does sound like her."

His hands left my shoulders and returned to his pockets. "Quit thinking so little of yourself, Arlert. You're worth more than what you give yourself credit for. And it's not just me who thinks that."

I grinned slightly at his words before biting at my lip in nervousness. "Well… I'll keep that in mind. But… err… we should be going. It'll be sunset soon and we have a curfew."

The brunette gestured to the street. "On the road to adventure then!"

"You are ridiculous." I commented before leading the way.

"You should be grateful to see this side of me." He said as he followed by my side. "Not even my mother sees me in this light."

"I am honoured then that you trust me to be a fool around."

"So now _I'm_ a fool?"

"A handsome one if that makes you feel better." I admitted slightly.

"Repaying me for the adorable comment?" He asked.

"No… just a personal observation."

"Well, at least more than just the little old ladies in Trost think I'm handsome. I might have a chance with Mikasa yet."

"Don't count on it." I warned.

He shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"A shot in the chest?"

"Aha! So you _do_ make jokes!" He said excitedly. "I'll make you partially human in no time!"

"You just keep believing that, Jean."


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N: Bah, working with puppies is tiring! My chapter rate might slow down a bit due to this, but I'll keep writing!**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Jean P.O.V)**

I woke up in a start, my head spinning from the nightmare I'd just had. I'd chalked it up to my guilt over having had a good day after all that had happened. I really shouldn't have, not after all that had happened to our friends and comrades. But how could I not have had a good day with Armin? The blonde always found a way to look on the bright side, even after all this depressing shit that's hit him. He always managed to see the dawn after the dark night, so how could anyone hate him or what he did?

But at the same time… wasn't it wrong?

Our friends were dead and gone, our troops eaten and devoured by beings we couldn't comprehend. It was depressing and morbid… yet here I was having a good time?

I looked over to the blonde himself, his breath steady and warm in his own sleep. He'd never been the one to toss and turn so I never knew if he was having nightmares or not. I didn't think he ever did. He'd only ever talked about one nightmare and that had been the one he had of seeing his brother shot before his very eyes. But now that Mello was back I could only assume this brought a little joy back into his life.

Right?

I climbed out of bed after tearing my gaze away from the blonde and had downstairs towards the common room. I knew it was past curfew but it wasn't like I'd be heading outside. I just wanted to get out of the stuffy rooms and be alone for a bit.

I took one last look over the room and to all the friends we had left minus the girls who were in their own dorm. The number was a lot smaller now but I guess I could count my blessings that anyone I knew was alive. I should've been even happier to see Armin was alive and well, lord knows he deserves to be. But out of all of them, I wish Marco had lived. He was a saint and didn't deserve to die a horrific death like he had. I would have been happier to see him dead and in one piece instead of ripped in half like a piece of paper. It was unfair… wrong… and so infuriating. Marco deserved a better death than that.

I closed the door behind me and made for the common room. I didn't expect anyone to be there at this time of night but I prepared a small lie in case anyone was awake and asked why I was walking around here so late at night. I guess it wasn't really a lie if I told them I was having nightmares, but I wasn't about to tell them what they were about.

Marco had been in my thoughts since I'd found him dead and half eaten. And in my nightmares I saw him struggling and crying to be free from the titan's grasp, with me just inches away from helping him, until he was bitten by the titan and swallowed before being thrown away. In others he'd blamed me for his death or for not being there when I could have helped. He'd asked me if I was really his friend, if what he did even mattered to me. Each day after I had these nightmares I could swear I saw Marco out of the corner of my eye, before realizing I was just going insane and that he was indeed dead and gone.

It wasn't fair.

I stepped into the common room to find Matt and Mello talking on one of the larger sofas by the light of the hearth. I hadn't thought they'd seen me and I made to leave.

"Oi, Jean," came Matt's voice, "what are you doing up?"

Mello only scoffed. "Isn't it obvious? Nightmares."

I looked back at the blonde in amazement. "How did you know?"

He gestured for me to sit down on the smaller sofa before he explained.

"It's not hard to tell. Late night, walking around to get some air, dazed and dilated eyes… I suppose it was a bad one. Need to talk?"

I shook my head, curling into my seat to rest my head on my knees. "There's nothing to talk about. A soldier shouldn't have nightmares after a battle anyway."

"You're very wrong about that, Jean." Mello countered. "It's hard to witness so much death and destruction in one day and have to forget about it the next. Especially when most of those people were your friends. And you feel a sense of relief and anguish because your friends died… but you lived. It's fair and unfair all at once. And no matter how hard you wish it, you can't change the past and bring them back. It's not possible."

"But it's not only that…" I admitted, "it's that I went out and had a good day. I laughed and I smiled… when I should be in mourning."

"Wrong again, Kirstein." Mello said as he stretched his limbs a bit. "The best thing you can do is have a good time. Mourn for the first few days, then celebrate for the next hundred years. There's no point in mourning and taking revenge if the people you're avenging cannot be with you in the end. Eren doesn't know this yet because he's too filled with anger and regret to look at it from another point of view, but you have a level head on your shoulders, Jean. I've seen the way you react in battle. You're quick and to the point, you utilize whatever is necessary to get to your goal… even if it means leaving a few people behind in the process."

I closed my eyes at this and looked away. "I'm… still ashamed of that."

"Don't be." The blonde said nonchalantly. "I can't say it's what they would have wanted, but…"

"They were human beings!" I yelled at him, not happy about his lax attitude towards their deaths. "People with lives and families, people they loved and cherished! And now they're gone! Because of my cowardice!"

"Your cowardice saved your life and the lives of others." He stated bluntly. "If you hadn't used their deaths as a front to gain headway, how many more people would have died due to the fear in their hearts? You may not know it, Jean, but I've had experience with this kind of shit before and if losing ten soldiers means I keep the hundred more I have waiting to help out, then I'll happily put a rose on each grave I caused. You don't understand it now, kid, but someday you're going to. Ending a life or choosing to leave someone behind may sound cowardly to some, but when you're in a position where it means life or death for you and your comrades, then it's ultimately better to leave them behind. Don't mistake actions like that for spinelessness, because it takes a fucking strong spine to let someone die for others. It takes a spine of fucking steal to give your life for others too. So the next time you think about your dead comrades, think about how fucking scared they were, and how even though they were scared they fulfilled their line of duty and gave their lives for you. Their actions aren't measured by their kill count… they're measured by what they give up in the long run."

I fell silent at his words and realized how true they were. Though Marco and many others died… they served their purpose as soldiers. To die for humanity and serve the people. And those that were alive right now, and within the Survey Corps, were the braver ones of the military. People who didn't lose their lives, but still offered them up to help save humanity.

I sighed heavily. "Armin was right. You have a way with words."

"It comes from being a writer." Mello said proudly before looking at me. "The King doesn't care about your lives, Jean. It's the people who care. The youth who see you in your uniforms and expect you to get up and keep moving forward. They are tomorrow, the senior militants are the past, and you are what's right now."

He then got up from his seat and strode over to the side of the couch where I was on, placing his index finger on my forehead. "Make tomorrow better for the next generation." Then pushed my head back slightly before walking off to the dining room.

I looked back at him before turning to Matt. "For someone not much older than us, he's got some wisdom."

"Wisdom comes with experience, not age." Matt explained. "And let's just say Mello's got way more experience than what' healthy for him. He may be a bit psychotic, but I'd rather be friends with a psychopath than a nobleman."

"Oh? Why's that?"

Matt grinned devilishly. "Psychopaths are more likely to tell you the truth than a nobleman."

I honestly couldn't argue with that statement.


	21. Chapter 21

_**A/N: Working, plusthe holidays coming around, scattering about to search for presents and getting commissions done... BAH! I'm glad I just found time for a short chapter!**_

 _ **Anyways, I hope you all Enjoy!**_

* * *

 **(Matt P.O.V)**

I honestly didn't know what Mello was trying to accomplish with this, but I wasn't about to ask him. He just seemed too intent on making sure his brother was alright, even going as far as to insult the Commander whenever the man made an attempt to wave off the situation.

Needless to say, neither of them were winning at this point.

"You selfish, egotistical, man-child! Can't you see that what you're doing is creating more deaths than there need to be!" Mello exclaimed.

"As the Commander of the Survey Corps it is my duty to send soldiers out into the world, and it is the soldier's duty to lay down their lives for the good of humanity. Insulting and berating me any longer will not help your cause."

Mello slammed his hands on the desk then and glared at the taller man, not even fazed by the height difference. "Commander, what you're doing is wrong and you know it. Sending people out to die for no clear reason isn't in any way respect for them or their lives. You treat this like a game, but it's not. People will die for you, my _family_ will die for you… and you manage to keep an air about you like you're holier than thou."

"What is it you want me to say, Arlert-"

"Keehl," Mello corrected, "like my mother, who I know didn't want to see her two sons in a battle that could cost them their lives."

He then stood up and took a calming breath. "I want you to tell me that my brother won't die. That I won't lose the last shred of sanity I have left in this world and that he'll live to see another day."

Captain Levi, who had been surprisingly silent throughout this affair, scoffed at the younger blonde.

"You act as if your brother is a god among men. Honestly, what can he offer than no other soldier can't? His brain? I doubt that very much."

Before Mello could make a strike towards Levi, Erwin stopped him with his arm.

"I apologise for his remark. Your brother is indeed intelligent enough to stand among us in this plan, but he has not come forth with any answer as to who might have killed Sawney and Bean. Hanji is devastated and everyone is already on edge about Eren's titan powers as it is. I see no reason why one soldier should be protected more than the others."

"And so what is Eren's excuse?" Mello asked. "Because he has titan powers he's exempt from being killed on the battlefield? How is that fair?!"

"His powers pose as an ally, and we have to think ahead with them…"

"What was it that Pixis said in his reports? That 'a young cadet, not even yet chosen where he may fight, had proven to have an intellect far beyond his years,'? That's quite an interesting thing to say for someone who's 'just a soldier'."

"I've taken his words into consideration," Erwin admitted, "but I have yet to see this intelligence myself. Until then, I do not have the time."

Mello didn't stand down or admit defeat at this though. He merely backed away and glared at the man. "Fine then… I suppose you'll have to fight without me."

"Mello…" I whispered to him, not getting a chance to speak before Erwin cut me off.

"I hope you know that by admitting this you may be asked to withstand trial for betrayal. Am I clear?"

"I don't think you're quite clear about this, Commander." The blonde growled out. "I am not part of the Survey Corps, I do not wear your uniform. I'm but a humble soldier of another clan who reached out to help you in your most dire need. But, failing to listen to me and my demands… I'll have to go about things my own way."

He looked over to me, his face carved into seriousness. "Stay within your designated area, Matt. And do keep a look out for titans." He said as a glimmer of anger and knowing run through his eyes then. Like a shining sword sharpened and ready for battle. "They can be a nasty bunch, you know."

And just like that, he left. The air in the room freezing over like winter. Something was definitely running through Mello's head.

But what?

I turned to face the Commander as he sat back in his chair. "Sir, if I may…"

He nodded, giving me permission to speak.

I took a breath and relaxed slightly. "Please don't underestimate Mello. He's… changed since I last saw him. The Mello I knew was more reserved than this, but always had a temper bubbling inside of him. I knew that if we weren't careful that he'd eventually lose control. And… well… …the last thing I want to see is innocent people getting hurt. If you know what's good for both you and your soldiers, do _not_ cross him… please."

The commander looked at me with sorrowful eyes before closing them and taking in a breath. "Matt, is it? I'm sorry for all that he's been through, really I am. But I cannot allow his threats to decide for me. My plan is final, and the instructions have already been given to the new recruits. I'm truly sorry, but one soldier…"

"A single grain of rice may tip the scales, and so one soldier may be the difference between victory and defeat." I repeated the words I'd once heard Mello's father speak to me before I left for the cadets.

I turned around and headed for the door. Before leaving, I only had one more thing to say.

"Don't mistake silence for weakness, sir. Have you ever heard of someone planning a murder out loud?"

The shocked and somewhat fearful look on his face said it all.

"Didn't think so."

And I shut the door.

It was another week before we were all lined up by the gates, readying to head out for the mission. When I looked around I could see that Mello was nowhere in sights, but I could see that Armin had indeed been relocated to the outer left instead of the center right. Had that been the commander's doing or Mello's was beyond me. Either way, Mello had gotten what he wanted.

But then… where had he disappeared to?


End file.
